I am 100 days AF today. I didn’t think I could make it several weeks ago. Grateful to God first and foremost but also to you fine people who encourage me and lift me up. Who reply to my posts and give thoughtful, insightful and helpful words. I could not have done it without you.
To AA, my sponsor and the people I’m meeting in there and the inspirational stories they have. To my drug and alcohol counsellor and group therapy that adds to my toolkit. To my family without whom I would still be adrift and either dead, in the hospital or in jail.
I am grateful in the utmost to be dwelling in the calm eye of the storm amidst the hurricane of life. I have hope in my heart and focus in my mind. Thank you all. I look forward to continuing on until the next milestone.
Hi All. I am checking in just shy of 5 months sober.
First of all…in the title of this thread…when the word “Hero” is used it’s not referring to me in a self celebratory way. It’s more about a generalized story of change, rebirth or redemption that is possible for any of us. But this happens to be my current story.
It’s a Friday night here in Melb. I had a meeting with my sponsor earlier. To start step 4. I then went on a date (no desire for anything serious…or even expecting sex). She had old pics on her profile and I over shared and put her off. My story has lots of warts (red flags), when combined with step 4 work makes me feel broken again. A failure. Rotten. Born bad. All the things.
A self pity party is not helpful. I know this. But to say I’m disappointed with where my life is…and how angry and upset I am with myself for being responsible for it due to my shitty/selfish/hurtful behaviours over the course of my life…would be an extreme understatement.
The relationship that ended back in May was a kick in the guts. It was redemption after my divorce. It meant I was somebody and something again. The home. The stuff. Providing rooms for my kids. The transition from worst to first. Problem was I was still drinking and more than ever. Spiritual darkness. Self centredness. Resentment. What should have made me happy…didn’t. It wasn’t all my fault, but I didn’t keep my side of the street clean. Would it have made a difference if I had? Who knows. But there is no way I can avoid my role in the catastrophic ending of it.
My situation could be a lot worse. I know that. But it should be better than it is. I’ve messed things up again for myself and others that I care about. And now I face a long, hard climb out of the hole…once again. I am sick of getting myself out of big, fat, smelly messes of my own making.
This post sounds negative, even though there are positive things happening in my life. I’m grateful to be sober, grateful to have my kids coming back into my life slowly but surely. Grateful my legal and financial shit is getting dealt with. Grateful for daily devotion with my family/kids. Grateful for my job. Grateful for my sponsor. Grateful for slowly finding my tribe over time of men in the program who have time under their belt.
I suppose there are times when the weight of my choices and the wreckage I’ve caused smacks me in the face and yucky feelings and thoughts cascade over and through me. It sucks. Trying to avoid thinking about the past or the future, but struggling to find joy or peace in the moment like I’m instructed to do. I would normally pick up a drink or a drug or a woman or all the above…but not tonight. Tonight I sit with myself. By myself. Just one of those days I guess.
What youre feeling is normal. Try not to avoid the thoughts as step 4 is about facing all these feelings, sitations, thoughts that cause you distress and shame and fuel the addiction cycle. Be curious about the process. Take breaks from processing. But dont prolong step 4 too long because moving on with the steps offers a release from all these heavy feelings. Of course im speaking of my own experience but thats the common concensus among 12 steppers.
The wreckage of our past wont be made better overnight. Its a process and your job is just to take the next right action.
Always love your shares. Self discovery is first step to change. Easy for me to say. I’ve been on step 4 for months. Sponsor making me do all with her which includes step 5. Sometimes I don’t want to remember. Alas it is a program that works. Great job on almost 5 months. I am 2 weeks away from 8
So this popped up into my read list . Really interesting to reread what I had to say at 8 months sober. Soon to be 13 months and completed my 12 step program a few weeks ago.
Must say it is a program that works at least for me. Using all resources here at Talking Sober is also a huge part of my successful journey.
@Aussie_Tiger you started this topic and hope you are doing great.
Man o man. So funny how God works. It popped into my head last night out of the blue “I really need to get on to sober time!”. I would have responded right there and then, but was at my Tuesday night AA meeting. I’m blessed where I live to have meetings every day to attend if I so choose.
I’m still sober (over 10 months now) and have “graduated” from step work but as you’d know we’re never really done. In fact, I’m looking to sponsor to keep grounded in the program and the steps. We’re never cured but can live pain free
I bought my tickets the other day to return back to America in August to attempt a 20 year obsession with completing a section of the Appalachian Trail I’ve always wanted to do. I’ll also have the chance to be at home with my family for my birthday and my dad’s and my mom’s. Very blessed and grateful for the opportunity.
My legal troubles, all except for one non-active matter, are resolved. My ex-wife appears to finally be coming around with regard to our parenting arrangements. That my kids can return to my care 50% of the time and that they want to. The blessing of being trustworthy again. What an amazing gift.
I’ve had a raft of health tests…still have more to go…but my health in general is really good for my age. That’s another blessing. Job cuts all the time at work and I still have one. Very grateful for that. My new home is so close to the beach and I’m very grateful I can go for a walk in the sand or a cold swim at my choosing. I have food in my fridge and room for my kids and lovely neighbours.
I am part of a church that is growing from the ground up and reminding myself constantly of the pillars of faith, willingness, humility and patience. Trust God, clean house, help others. I have to be mindful all the time of ego self and its determination to push back and have its way. Cunning, baffling and powerful.
I could not have believed when I started this thread how much my life was going to change…for the better…as I was still very raw. But now I walk bathed in the sunlight of the spirit. Happy, encouraged, grateful, hopeful, joyful with a smile on my face and in my heart. All one day at a time. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Thanks so much for checking in Tailee and I’m sorry to everyone else for being a bit AWOL on this site. I will be sure to check back in more frequently. To the newcomer, please be encouraged that change is possible. It is achievable. You CAN recover. You CAN be happy again. Please stay with us on the road to happy destiny!!!
Oh I am so excited for you and a bit teary eyed…Jealous of the beachside living but thrilled for you are thriving…
Thanks for stopping in. Always great to hear of your life’s adventures. So happy family drama has blossomed into a true love story… Also as a Foodie so glad you have food in the fridge.
Thank you for sharing your story with us @Aussie_Tiger I’m so happy for you and all the positives that have come and will continue to come your way in your sober life. Sober life = our best life! Congratulations on your 11 months!!
I’m so happy for you and all the positives that have come and will continue to come your way in your sober life. Sober life = our best life! 
Congratulations on your 11 months!!