Anniversaries can be good and bad. Both of my sobriety dates fall on an anniversary of something.
My alcohol sobriety date falls on the same day my ex committed suicide. Each year as I celebrate being alcohol free, I remember he left his family. We hadn’t been together in over a decade but I still feel for his family.
Today I “celebrate” 2 years THC free- not really celebrating per se. It is just a normal day and I’m at work.
Today is also the anniversary of when I adopted my Fox, who we let go last year due to a tumor on his spleen on Aug 18th. I miss him so much and the wound of letting him go still feels so fresh. It does not feel like a year has passed.
I suppose the coincidence of the dates is simply that but I hate that days that should be joyous are stained in a way. Of course, I had no way of knowing this when I put down my substances for the last time. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m writing this out. I feel sad about Fox. I wish he was still here so we could celebrate my day with dog and human ice cream. Yes, I can still do this with the dogs we have and hubs but I just miss my big fluffy Fox.
Part of me wonders if subconsciously there is maybe a connection there, something on those two particular days that made you say “No. This is enough.”
It’s so good to see pictures of Fox. He has such an earnest gaze. He’s a perfect companion - it was heartbreaking to let him go
You have honoured him with your life since he passed (and before), and that’s what comes to the front for me here. What you’re doing and the resolutions and commitments you’re making are a perfect tribute to him.
Thank u for sharing. I hope writing it out has helped in some way That certainly is alot to go thru and the fact that it landed on ur sobriety anniversary makes it even harder. I hope ur able to celebrate in some way bcuz 2 years of sobriety is a BIG deal! Even if its something small to cheer u up U deserve it friend
2 years free of THC is remarkable. It is a coincidence that these dates are shared by other events in your life. It may also be a way for you to know that life is full of that yin yang effect and through it all you are now fully sober. Living your life in life’s reality without a haze. I do know how much you miss your sweet boy. He was a special soul. He will forever be with you in spirit.
Big hugs friend . I am glad you did share with us and get this off your chest
I do like this perspective. Thank you for that Jazz
Thank you every one for the well wishes and thoughts. I always appreciate being able to share feelings and get feedback from you guys. I didn’t do anything special but I did go for a bike ride around town after a nap after work lol
Man, I can’t stay in the lounge for the life of me I know I will need a place to be over the next week so making this into my thread. I won’t go into everything because I’m lacking that little protective feeling of the lounge but when I need to talk I’ll throw my feelings around
I am grateful that you have this place till you get back to the lounge. I am also available to chat via pm if needed. Sending hugs to you…know you are strong and capable of way more than you even think. We are here for you
He really want so skinny when I found him. He was like 20lbs Granted I let him live on the high life of food and at his heaviest he was 80lbs but with all the walks we were doing he was down to 65lb towards the end. He really did live it up and even got to travel with us for some vacations. I just miss his face
Grief is weird. I’m fine some days and other days it hits me like a load of bricks.
Congratulations and also I’m very sorry. Have you ever thought about changing the date? I know that dates are important. I know that they are super significant and also with the counters going and all that stuff.
I also know how important the original quit day is because I changed my quit smoking day 10 years later and it bothered me to not have that original date.
With the dates mixed up with other emotions though? It’s difficult for you.
I mentioned Foxy last night in my last post on the cat thread. The one that also has a meme with a black cat.
The only way I would change my date is to break sobriety and I don’t want to do that. I would feel like I’m cheating if I moved it to a day before and I would feel cheated if I moved it to a day after. I’m probably making a bigger deal than it really is. Crazy how being sober doesn’t make dealing with feelings any easier
10:00 a.m. one Christmas I didn’t save my neighbor’s 12 year-old who got run over and had a separated trachea.
It probably took me 30 years to not have so many thoughts and focus on the tragedy on Christmas, even leading up to Christmas. So, I get it. You just have to deal like you are and get through it the best you can. Happy for the good. Sad about the other.
Talking helps.
Truth. We have the honor of getting to feel all the feelings as they come up now, instead of stuffing them down. I hope this anniversary felt a little celebratory along with the sad.
Bird, that is just how life is, isn’t it? Thank you for putting it into words.
@Runningfree , there’s quite a few timelines intersecting at once. I am getting comfortable with the idea that this isn’t a linear existence - past and present and sometimes future and sometimes alternates can rise like waves, break over us and smooth out.
A year ago today I sat in the vet’s office with Fox for the 4th time in a month because at this point he was hardly eating and didn’t want to go for walks. They took him back for ultrasounds. She came back with the news that he had an aggressive tumor on his spleen and masses around his heart. Then the worst sentence came “there is nothing we can do” She said they could try surgery but because of the heart masses she didn’t think he would make it off the table. The hardest part was that it was out of my control. I would have paid any amount to have him get better. The feelings are still very raw in my heart. The memory so vivid.
I’m getting ready for a race this weekend. The same race I left him to do last year because the hubs said I had worked to hard to not do it and that he would take care of him. I was only gone a day and a half. In a way I feel like I’m reliving last year. When I first signed up I remember thinking it was a way to honor him but now it just feels like I’m repeating history.
That certainly is alot to go thru and the fact that it landed on ur sobriety anniversary makes it even harder. I hope ur able to celebrate in some way bcuz 2 years of sobriety is a BIG deal! Even if its something small to cheer u up 
U deserve it friend 
I know I will need a place to be over the next week so making this into my thread. I won’t go into everything because I’m lacking that little protective feeling of the lounge but when I need to talk I’ll throw my feelings around
but with all the walks we were doing he was down to 65lb towards the end. He really did live it up and even got to travel with us for some vacations. I just miss his face 
