I really hope he finds and accepts the help. Getting my mental health under control has been so amazing.
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You know the days when you just make it through. I worked (stressful) worked out (endorphins) cooked dinner and am now reading. It was uneventful and I just feel like I’m existing but I suppose that’s better than the alternative. I know routine is good but sometimes it just feels so monotonous. Hope y’all are well
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I’ve been having that feeling too. It’s funny. It’s like the path is right in front of me but following through on that health routine is like oil and water. I feel sometimes like I question my ability to follow through on a commitment. Then that gremlin gets in my head of “oh whatever it doesn’t matter”.
But is has to matter right? Maybe I’m just so unfamiliar with what I feel like in routine, that I don’t know what it feels like to be ordinary me. Maybe I’ve been lying to myself with a fake life in addiction for so long that I’ve forgotten the value of real, routine, life. Maybe if I gradually become more comfortable in my skin I’ll feel more at home in time with myself. 
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Same. Routine is so hard for me to get into, or get excited for.
Now, going to the bar every day was an easy routine. Waking up and doing all of the things I want to accomplish with that same gusto? Not so much.
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For me I think the difference is fear. I’m not “afraid” of escape into my addiction. What I am afraid of, is that I’m not good enough to be here and living in the world with others.
I don’t say that to mean I’m in danger now - I’m not - but just to say: what I’m running from is fear, and what I’m afraid of is not being good enough.
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Coming back in from the doctor. I have a separation in my ac joint. Literally my clavicle is not fully connected to my sternum and I have some torn ligaments in there. He said it’s at 50%. Waiting for an mri to be scheduled then surgery. Guess that will break up the routine 
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On the routine thing I think for me it’s just boredom. When I’m bored I will think I’d like to get messed up. I know I haven’t gotten into much self work so not sure what it really stems from. I just know I have to fill my time but on the other hand it feels like The Truman show in my life sometimes. I’m glad to not be alone but sucks y’all feel this way also
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We should do a documentary on why us addicts are all so boring.
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I guess I’m far enough out from using that I don’t get caught up in thinking about being bored enough to use.
I just want to be better at waking with the alarm, and setting off for all the things I like to do in the morning to get my day started right. Brush teeth, wash face; Journaling at night is hard for me, so I like to do it when I wake up. Usually followed by yoga and meditation. The rest of the day is for ‘work’ and leisure. But if I sleep in it throws everything off a bit for the whole day. I hate it. something doesn’t get done, or most of it doesn’t get done, depending of course on how long I lay in bed for. I still can’t make myself get up every single day, but I’m getting better at it. Progress 
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I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with getting up It’s been something I’ve been feeling discouraged about the last few months. I’m working on it though - and I think like you it helps if I take it day by day, step by step.
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I’ve had my schedule pretty much the same since I became a pharmacy technician so I’m good about getting up and doing things and then the afternoon comes and I’m done. At least on my days off.
However, today I worked for some hours went to the doctor, worked some more then had to go back to the doctor in the afternoon and then just finished working again (cause we had peeps call in so I just covered) routine was not an issue today
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Waking up this morning missing my mom. I know I’m an adult but with the news of surgery all I have wanted to do is hear her comforting voice. I tried to call my aunt because they have a similar voice but she is so busy right now I haven’t gotten to talk to her. I just miss my mom
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I’m sorry to hear that Jenn. It’s so hard when someone you love is not in this world any more. Your heart yearns to see her & hear her.
Take care today. Your mom is with you; she is part of you always. You can be with her when you need to
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It’s been a few days. I didn’t go on a binge or anything I’ve just been so drained. Nothing major just all the everyday stuff piling up.
Yesterday was the hubby’s birthday and I put on my happy face and we had a great time. Did some shopping and ate out. We haven’t eaten in a restaurant in like 6 months. It was a bit of a drive and we talked about all kinds of stuff. It was a really good day. I slept a few extra hours this morning but now time to get some house cleaning done and have a lazy day. Hope everyone is well
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Hi Jenn, good to hear you’re managing; I’m sorry you’re feeling drained. I know the feeling. Just “blah”. Sometimes I sit down to dinner with my wife and it takes a real effort to conjure up a constructive, attentive face & make good conversation about our days (instead of just slumping in my chair & staring off into space, which some days is all I want to do - or at least, that’s how I feel).
It’s not easy. Some days I just share with my wife my incomplete feelings. She sympathizes. Some days I’m able to stay attentive, some not. I don’t know. I don’t have an easy answer.
But I have to believe there’s something to be learned. I hope you have a stable day today Jenn. Take care & remember you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
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So happy you had a good day yesterday! Glad you and the husband got out for a dinner together.
I hear ya on the feeling drained thing. I am struggling to pull myself out of it. I’m sure a bit of it is seasonal affective disorder, and some of it is being a year into a pandemic. No travel. No live music. No restaurants. I’m barely interested in socializing at all, even if it is just via a couple apps.
We haven’t been the most social beings since I quit drinking, but this is taking it too far.
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Sitting here waiting for my mri. A little nervous but it will be fine. Honestly I’m just ready for surgery so I can stop being in pain. I’ve broke down and started taking pain meds. Another reason I haven’t been on much. I don’t feel right posting while I’m on them. It’s a low dose but I know it’s a trigger for lots. My posts will probably be few over the next few weeks. Still working on the hubs mental health and then my shoulder. Our plate is pretty full but I’m staying away from alcohol and that’s the goal at the moment. I hope y’all are well.
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Glad to hear it Jenn. Rooting for you.
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Some days ‘i won’t drink today’ is all you can ask of yourself.
I am glad you and your husband are both working to help yourselves feel better. Keep up the good work.
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Found out today that pending insurance approval my shoulder surgery will be feb 23rd. The mri confirmed that its 50% dislocated and torn ligaments. I was hoping sooner but that will be here before I know it. I’ll be able to go back to work pretty soon after since I have a desk job and I’m right handed so that’s really good news. Other than that my life is pretty boring lol but I prefer it that way
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