Awesome! Just a few weeks till you get a new shoulder - that’s good news 
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Hows it going?
Not so bad here. Still feeling anti social. Funny that we have spent a year longing for human contact for the most part but right now I’m like ‘nope, please leave me alone’. 
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Yes feeling very anti social and not really much is going on. I got on a roll of not posting and we saw how that went lol I went for a 5 mile run and it felt good. (I say run but I do a jog/walk combo) I’m kinda bummed at the surgery (don’t get me wrong I’m excited for surgery to fix this shoulder) since it’s taking away most physical activity for 3 months. I’ve gotten into a no workout routine and I need to figure that out cause I need those endorphins lol. And I’ve had a few days where I have typed stuff and then deleted it. I just happened to be up right now cause my fur kid needed to go out. Thank you for checking on me
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Is the shoulder surgery going to make running hard? That’s a shame; exercise is so important for feeling good 
Can you do walking? I do a walk around my neighbourhood -working on my step count 
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From my understanding I’m suppose to keep my arm in the sling and movement is very limited for the first few months so I wouldn’t be able to swing my arm. I can walk and I have my cycle but I’m very much an all or nothing person so it’s hard for me to do a leisure bike ride vs a hard spin class. I guess this time will be spent learning how to slow down.
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Hopefully surgery gets you back in decent shape.
Would the husband go on a stroll with you and you can get a walk in plus a mini date? I’m always trying to convince Chris to go to the park or the beach with me. I love when he does. We both get some fresh air and we have some time to hang out without being plopped in front of a tv.
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Lol I wish he would. He supports my fitness but doesn’t work out or want to even walk around the block 
I’m ready for surgery but from what I’ve read it’s gonna take about 9 months for full recovery and I’ve got time. It just kinda sucks lol before covid I was doing trail running and mud races and looking to train for a Spartan and now ughhhhhhh!!!
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The hubs asked me if I’ve been drinking! I had a really good day a few days back and so I was in a extra good mood. He asked me last night if I drank that night. I’m still trying to process how I feel. I’m hurt he would think this but also understand why. I’m mad that he thinks I would drink and that I would lie about it. I suppose he is allowed his doubts. I’ve always been an open drinker though so I think that’s the part that caught me off guard. He knows I wouldn’t hide it.
I tried some yoga tonight, not sure that’s for me. I think there are like sub categories of yoga so I’ll check out a different one. I did a strength one.
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Sounds like you’ve had a few days of discovery. I’m happy for you Jenn
I think sometimes we get jolted a bit when we are reminded that the other people in our lives haven’t been up to date with all the internal progress we’ve made. It’s a happy refresher to bring them up to speed.
I don’t know much about yoga but I’ve heard the same thing as you, about multiple layers to it. I know there’s a few threads around here about it. I’m sure you’ll learn a lot on your yoga journey!
Happy for you sister
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I’m an over thinker and the hubs and I are working on better communication and he said something and I understand how he might feel the way he is but it was just so hurtful to hear. Sometimes I wonder if we will make it to the end of our journey or if our pathes will separate. I would be heartbroken and would have a hard time continuing life. His mental health is so hard on me when he is in this kind of mood. And honestly this is the first day in a while I want to pick up. I want to drink and cry. Sigh, it’s a sad day
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I’m sorry to hear that Jenn. Some days are heartbreakingly hard.
Don’t pick up. I know you know this; I’m saying it just to get it out there. It’s not gonna make anything better.
I have had times where I seriously started fantasizing about going to city hall and filing for divorce. I use the word “fantasizing” deliberately here: that’s exactly what it was. I felt hurt and confused and - hurt; so hurt, personally hurt. I wanted to run away.
Run away from life. That’s exactly what it is. That’s what it was for me. Not facing my life in its unexpected hurt (which is necessary and fundamental to life - the cost of being able to feel connected and loved, is that sometimes we feel deeply hurt). Run away. Whether it’s drugs, divorce, booze, or a million other ways of leaving life, it’s all running. (Obviously I’m talking about relationships where abuse isn’t happening. That’s different. In your case it’s not an abusive relationship.)
Take some time, take a walk, keep checking in here, find somewhere you can feel your hurt and get sympathy.
You feel hurt; you need sympathy. This is one of the emotional skills we learn. When we’re hurt we need sympathy. It’s that simple.
Are you ok to share some of what hurt you? If you’re comfortable doing so. No matter what though, I sympathize, and I see you. You’re a good person and you deserve acknowledgment and respect.
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He has been very distant since his first doctor appointment and I’ve been asking him about it and how I can help because he was referred to a counseling center (which was expected)
Today we were talking about how he feels and I was asking why he has been so distant and he said he can’t express himself because I twist his words and take them the wrong way.
He said “ sometimes I wish I wasn’t married. Sometimes I think it would be easier to take myself down instead of taking you with me. I’m
Already doing everything on my own ” I understand thinking this because I also have though this but it’s another thing to say it in a tone that isn’t a place of love. Him talking about doing everything on his own is bullshit. When we got together, we worked at Pizza Hut. We made shit money. We even lived with my mom at one point. I became a pharmacy tech but he was still stuck at Pizza Hut. I paid all of our bills. If he didn’t have money I gave him mine. I understand what it’s like to be in this relationship but yet do it alone. Before we started this move and change in our life it was because he said he wanted to take care of me and it’s not fair for me to pay his way in life so to now throw that in my face is rude to say the least
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He’s feeling pain. He feels alone. That doesn’t mean he is alone; we all know that’s not true. But he feels alone in something - probably a path he’s walking where he’s not sure what the next step is.
“Take myself down” is another ‘running from life’ signal. If you’re running, the first thing you gotta do is burn those bridges and say “fuck it”. That’s what he’s doing: he’s saying things he knows aren’t true - about being alone - because it burns bridges with you; that’s a first step to him taking himself down, ‘checking out’ into whatever life-escape plan he has.
The thing to do now is exactly the opposite of divorce. You’re not responsible for his journey yes, but you don’t run away either. No one’s gonna look you in the eye and try to burn bridges with you, saying some bullshit about being alone. You weren’t born yesterday, and you’re damn stubborn and don’t give up that easily.
Yes what he said is hurtful (and it has a fucked up reverse-psychology purpose - we’ve all been there at one point or another where we can’t see life straight). It’s also true that you are not defined by him. It will take patience and also finding your self worth in yourself, through your self respect and action for your own health.
You can be present for your husband now in a healthy, self-respecting way. It may be a declaration of “I am here for you and I’m not leaving. But I’m also not your doormat. I have done many many things for you and for our relationship, as you know [insert examples if you want]. What you are saying about being alone is not true, and in your heart you know this. So there’s gotta be another reason you’re trying to push me away. If you wanna talk about that now, I’m listening. If not, that’s ok. I’m going for a walk.”
You don’t have to let yourself be or feel walked over. But you also don’t have to give up.
Take care Jenn. You’re a good person who deserves self respect, safety, and a place to belong.
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Sometimes you just gotta run it out. My best feeling run in a while 
a little over 3 miles with a steady 12 minute pace. Not my best but my best in a long while
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I’ve been using my paper journal more. It seems more private than airing all my life. I’m getting more comfortable with me. I’ve been trying to stay off social media and electronics in general. Been doing a lot of reading and a little stitch work (I’m not great lol) my aunt taught me cross stitch when I was 12 or so and I can do basic other embroidery. We are expecting another freeze 
it’s currently 18 and snowing a little.
The hubs is still in a weird place and I’m trying to give him room to figure out what’s going on but yesterday I straight up had to tell him to quit being a bully! Sometimes he just takes his crap out on me and I know some of that is just cause I’m the other person in the house but he was just being a rude butt. Anyways. Hope everyone is well
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That had me laughing!
Glad to hear you’re finding something constructive and creative to do. It’s nice to get something out there & feel satisfied!
You should share some of your creations with us here!
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Beautiful! (Snow lover here)
Are you a fan of snow? Or is your relationship with snow a little - cold?
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I like looking at it. I enjoyed watching it snow from my work desk. In my whole life I’ve seen it snow a handful of times and 2 have been since we moved here
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