That’s awesome Jenn! I’m happy for you 
The past few days have been pretty good. Just been working, doing house stuff and working out. The hubs is on his 7 days off. It’s day 1 and we got in an argument. I picked it but I’m not sure why. Actually I am sure that we are around crazy town that I drive through each month. I really hate these emotional times. I’ve been numbing all feelings for so long I guess I forgot about the monthly mood swings. It’s hard for him to understand and deal with considering he hasn’t experienced it personally. I’m not really sure how to fix that. Like duh just don’t start a fight but some things are easier said than done. Sometimes I don’t even feel rational.
Side note if we can get through my crazy we have a day date trip planned for this weekend. It’s my favorite kind of day. We spend all day together and just do anything and everything I want. Even if it’s just walking around the mall and eating out. I found a place that does zip line and if they are open we are going to check that out and I’m very excited about it! Hope everyone else is well
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Ps we went to dinner and because of the way they do seating we had to sit in the bar area. I was kinda freaking out and found myself staring at the bottles behind the counter but I didn’t order a drink. The hubs kept the talking going which was a welcome distraction
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That sounds wonderful! Life’s got ups and downs always but finding things to be grateful for is what makes it worthwhile 
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Been dwelling on a person in my life lately. She has just not been there since the move and some things have been said that I haven’t been able to move past. I decided to close the door to the friendship. It may sound bold without all the details but this was what was best for my mental health and I’m proud of myself. Coming around the bend to 120 days (a few more to go) and I’ve been wanting to drink. I don’t have plans to and I don’t even know why I’m craving.
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It’s that footpath in the forest. We walk it so many times; it’s only natural that from time to time in our sober life we’ll find our thoughts drifting there (like water follows a riverbed). Gradually as you gain more sober-path-walking experience - and carve out new paths - your thoughts and your self will coast naturally to those. In the meantime, just be aware, and appreciate this moment for the natural, understandable thing that it is.
Jenn is human! With a mind that wanders. I was starting to believe I was the only one
Take care Jenn & trust your heart.
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I had a dream that I went and got a bottle and drank. It seems like a weird issue all of a sudden. I’m 2 days away from 4 months and I just want to mess it up. Ugh, I know I don’t WANT to but why is my subconscious is pushing drinking into my thoughts?
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Ringing in 4 months sober sick as a dog 
I was going to do a 4 mile run but I’m on the couch. The doc says it’s a sinus infection so hopefully I’ll feel better soon cause I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck 
the biggest problem is the pressure in my head, makes it hard to do/want to do anything
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Oh goodness having a cold like that sucks. I’m sorry to hear that Jenn 
Take care & get some rest
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Thank you. Took the day off work and just being lazy
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So I’m laying here awake because I’m working with my doctor to come off the sleeping pill I’ve been on for years. I was prescribed it when my mom passed and I didn’t sleep for days and I liked it so needless to say here we are 8 years later and I’m trying to come off of it. I’m currently taking a half dose as prescribed but sleep is not happening for the past few days and I’m waking up with headaches. All in all this is shitty and I know I’m going to have withdrawals but damn this sucks cause I really like my sleep. This feels almost as big as quitting drinking. And in that note I did some stupid shit with that combo. It’s how I almost broke my nose. 
Not on of my finer moments
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Struggling with sleep suuuuuucks. It’s like, Ok so this is a basic human function but hey tonight let’s just keep the brain on high alert. Ok? Ok.
Who decided this was the way it was going to be? 
Take care Jenn. Do your best. Be gentle with yourself and don’t be afraid to try anything you think might help. Baths have been helpful for me: I find they help me relax. But it depends; in the summer it’s a bit hot for baths; and anyway you have your own routines that are unique to you. Just don’t give up and keep the faith in yourself.
Someone once told me: getting to sleep is like taking a pee. If you wait long enough, eventually it’ll happen
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Today was a rough work day but I didn’t want to drink I just wanted to run so that’s a nice brain change. I did my 4 miles to celebrate 4 months and then I took the hubs car out for a joy ride. My mood turned so quickly. The hubs and I are in a good place. We sit at the kitchen table more and just talk. It’s so nice. It’s nice when life is good.
Oh and I finally got some sleep just a day after my last post. I think I slept 3 hours that night but the next I was out. I don’t even remember tossing or turning just out like a light.
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Yay! Happy for you Jenn
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I have been waiting to drink so bad today. At work I had a thought of getting a drink after work. Push that thought out. Then I went to Walmart for some things and pasted a bar that is now open. I didn’t stop but I really wanted to. The thing about bars are if I’m going by myself I will have 1 maybe 2 drinks and stop but if I buy a bottle I’ll drink the whole thing. So in my mind swinging into a bar for a quick drink was always an easy fix before when I quit but didn’t want to ruin sobriety with a whole bottle. I didn’t stop but it’s still on my mind
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That’s that sneaky monkey of addiction whispering in your ear: just a little, it’s ok, you’ve got this, you’ll like it, it’s fine.
Lies, lies, lies. It’s like a bad relationship. Ultimately it’s really your self-respect that gets tossed out, as you come back to the same, familiar, hollow-but-familiar place.
Don’t give in Jenn. It’s not worth it.
You know in the last few weeks you’ve shared a lot of pics after running. You really have been radiant in those pics. You look great, and it’s obvious you get a lot from it - I can see why it’s so important to you.
You’ve got goals Jenn: the half marathon, the safe home, the happy dogs. These are worthy goals. Keep at them.
Don’t ever give up, don’t ever give in. This is probably a chance to take some time to explore your feelings, through mindfulness or journaling exercises, walking, or anything that helps you process. I usually find when the addiction monkey is on my back it’s a sure sign there’s something bothering me, but it’s not usually obvious - but when I take time to reflect - time being the key word (the reflection’s not like a magic switch, it takes sometimes a couple days, sometimes a couple hours) - it always, always helps me find myself, my home, in myself.
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I thought about going for a run but I missed the time of day I should have gone. The sun will be setting in about an hr and the temp is dropping. I’m trying to get a treadmill so I don’t have to worry about outside running anymore. My husband thinks I joke but I have a time I go and I have a gps tracker on so he knows where I am. I’ve seen to many stories and I ain’t in the mood to be kidnapped and murdered lol
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Good god. Yes please. No kidnapping, no disappearing.
No disappearing into alcohol either ok friend?
Deal.
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Lol no disappearing into alcohol
He likes to joke that the kidnappers would bring me back because of how much I talk 
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Just wanted to check in and say I’m not drinking just haven’t been on my phone much and when I was I was just scrolling. I’m starting to feel less meh today so that’s nice
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