Actually this is a good time to set up a new/better standard / routine / boundary. This type of anger moment is exactly why my wife and I set up a biweekly sesh in our calendars for talking money plans. It’s helped us to defuse the many angry moments in the past about purchases. Money and alcohol are not the same thing, but the underlying concerns - making plans for our time, what’s important to us - are similar
Doesn’t seem like anything like that will happen. I told him I am disappointed and my feelings are hurt and he said he has apologized, he messed up and he doesn’t know what else I want from him. I told him I just want him to continue his therapy and figure out his trigger. He told me he was bored and he didn’t have a reason but when I brought up the fact that I had asked him to spend the day with me going to see his mom, he just dismissed that. He said I don’t always want to do want you want me to. So I’m basically left with a get over it situation. I know this could have to do with the multiple medications they have tried for his mental health but still isn’t an excuse to break what I felt was a pack to be sober together. I don’t think he sees it the same way I do. When I tried to talk to him today he told me I’m always overreacting and he is getting tired of it. I wanted to enough my 3 day weekend with him instead of fighting.
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That sounds about right. It’s a good time for the serenity prayer; ultimately the only thing in your control is you.
You’re a good person Jenn, no matter what happens. You deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. 
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Thank you for listening. I’m going to bed sober. Hopefully tomorrow will be better
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Well yesterday we just moved on like nothing happened. This is new to me. I tend to dwell on things and overthink and in general don’t let things go. I’m trying to be good with it because ultimately it’s the past and I can only look forward. I’ve never been a forgive and forget kind of person and I think I should work on that. I probably hold so many grudges I don’t even remember them all. I saw a lady on my Facebook posting about her newborn and I still remember when she bullied me in school oh so many years ago and that thought took over instead of feeling joy for her newborn. I’m not even sure how to just let go. I feel angry more than I’d like.
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I know the feeling. It’s like living with a cage full of brooding monkeys in your head. Should we maybe play and have some fun today? Nah let’s just sulk.
I started to think earlier this year that something in my mental and emotional habits is making it difficult (unfamiliar maybe?) to let go and immerse myself in feeling good. Feeling good is about release - it’s a vulnerable place to be, because if you’re feeling good, you’re vulnerable to potentially losing that feeling. (But if you aren’t, then nothing to lose right?) Something about that exposure, in the release of feeling good - at some point I started actively shying away from that, and the habit’s been going on so long I’ve forgotten how to let go and feel good.
I’m learning. I practice mindfulness exercises (5-5-3-2-1, other grounding exercises), and I take care of myself better (no addictive acting out / numbing, eat healthier). I also communicate more about my feelings with my wife (we’ve gotten marriage counselling, and we still do: we’ll get a few sessions at a time as a “tune-up” every year or so, sometimes more often).
I’ve also been working on acceptance: I try to accept the good feelings I do have - the pleasure of a touch, the savouring of a fresh fruit - as good enough. What is it exactly I think I’m supposed to be feeling? Who says that the satisfaction I do have in my life isn’t worthwhile? So I am cultivating an awareness of the satisfactions I do have, and being grateful for that. I speak that gratitude aloud: “I am grateful for ___.” I find it helps
Don’t give up Jenn. Keep communicating, keep acting, keep reflecting. You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
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This made my day! The high of not seeing an 11 on the miles is better than drinking! I can’t even explain how elated I feel right now
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I’m putting shady down today. I think it’s going to be hard to handle all these feelings but I know I have to be sober to help the hubs with his feelings. He can’t lose his dog and deal with a drunk crying wife too. He said he can’t go so I am taking shady to the vet because I refuse to just drop him off at the shelter. I know he is just a dog but he should have someone there to hold his paw as he goes and I think it will help with my closure. He has always been an aggressive dog or at least had aggression issues and I feel like this will bring so much peace into the house.
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Oh no Jenn, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard when we put a pet down - especially those pets that have quirks; they work their way into our hearts, one incomplete being to another.
It’s kind of you to hold his paw. You’re a kind person Jenn I know at some level he will be grateful for that.
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I cried most of the morning and then the hubs got home from work and we cried together. It’s hard and weird with 1 less dog. It almost feels like a piece of our puzzle is missing but in my heart and deep down I know this was the right thing. I haven’t drank. I slept the entire afternoon and now my eyes are swollen so off to take Benadryl and probably go back to sleep. I’m proud to be making it through this sober
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I’m proud of you too. You did the right thing today Jenn. 
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Feeling very sad today. I keep expecting Shady to come around the corner or need to go outside. I know it’s adjustment for my mind but it’s like go get shady, oh wait he isn’t here anymore. My eyes are half way swollen. Mostly from crying but probably has a bit to do with my condition. I know this is all normal. I’m just sad
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Sorry to hear that Jenn. It’s hard missing him 
Take care. Let the feelings flow. It’s natural, and you can handle it. Keep reaching out, keep sharing - sorrow shared is half sorrow.
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Just talked with the hubs for a good while. He is beating himself up about not going with me to the vet. I feel so bad but I went because I knew one of us had to. And I went because the hubs is always my rock. When my mom passed, all the times my dad has had heart trouble (he is still with us, thankfully), all the times I’ve messed up or put my mind to something he is always the supporter. It is so hard to hold my sadness and tears and be his rock. I think I’m doing ok though.
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Glad to hear you’re working through this. It is a process, for sure. I feel bad for your husband. Poor guy. Is there maybe something you can do together to create a little memorial? Some photos, a little message. It would be nice. You guys could hang it on the wall.
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They made this and I’m going to put his picture in it and I got him cremated and they are putting his ashes in a wood box
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That’s lovely It will make a nice memorial.
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Our house is so emotional right now. I’m sad but leaning into acceptance. My hubs is sad and angry and having to work. It’s just rough over here. I don’t really want to drink I just don’t want to hurt. I’ll feel ok and then I help him process his feelings and my heart hurts again. He is angry at me and I think he feels like I pushed him to make this decision. Our mindset for so long has been to live and accommodate the dogs and I love my dogs but we haven’t gotten to live our own life because shady has been unmanageable other than with us. Maybe I did push. I still feel like the correct decision was made. Just a update I suppose. Meh
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It’s a rough patch. It’s hard. It sounds like you feel kind of alone here 
That’s a hard feeling. I’m sorry Jenn.
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