I googled five alive and it showed me juice. Is that what you were referring to? 
Yes. It’s a drink. It’s a combination of fruit juices (orange, a little bit of lemon, grapefruit, etc) and it’s a little sour - but also alcohol-free. Just like you 
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The last few days have been emotional. I’ve been home but I was angry at my dad, still am but I feel a lot better being home and away from him. Scott and I worked out our stuff. He has been giving me more attention and it’s the small things that make me happy. I think he is trying to make up for my birthday which was terrible. My dad didn’t message me until the day after and then wanted to stroll down memory lane about how I was such a daddy’s girl. And it’s true I was when I was under 10 and before he started a new family (twice). Ugh anyways shitty birthday but moving forward.
Yesterday was so nice. I ran 6.25 miles and I was so happy to be back in my element. To just be home and feel in control. Then I napped in the afternoon, went to my first PT session (it was more of an evaluation) and made some food. Today is my last day off on my vacation. Nothing major planned but a workout at 7 and probably a run. In a way I’m kinda happy to go back to work but I’ll miss all this extra time to run. It gets so hot in the afternoon I just can’t. Mid morning is the best. Anyways, I hope y’all are well and have a wonderful day 
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Glad to hear you’re settling back into your at-home groove. I’m also glad Scott’s connecting - these seem like the small things but they have a big impact 
It sucks when members of our family seem to be blind to our experience. It feels like being totally ignored and un-present. It sucks.
You always look content when you’re exercising. It seems cathartic for you. I’m happy about that
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Today is 6 months AF for me. I’m not a fan of anniversaries. It’s like I want to celebrate with the thing I’m quitting. I did it with cigarettes too. Milestones just seem like a trigger. I haven’t really been active here because I’ve been in a rut of just fighting urges to drink and it makes for a negative person.
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Congratulations, Jennifer 
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Thank you 
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Congrats on 6 months, that is huge! Great job!!
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Thanks.
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Congrats on 6 months!! That’s so amazing 
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This resonates with me, both as a person in recovery - the count of days is something I don’t focus on & I also have mixed feelings about it - but also as someone who is working through the process of doing an adoption.
Several of the adoption workers and other parents I’ve spoken to have warned against celebrating the day that the children arrive in your home. For the children that is an experience of deeply mixed emotions, and it can raise fears and anxieties related to security, loyalty, and identity.
I think many of us in recovery have similar mixed emotions related to our addiction. Those were days of deeply mixed emotions and loyalties. We feel deeply conflicted about it.
I don’t know if that is in the ballpark of what you’re sharing here, but that is what you made me think of. Thank you for digging into your considerable courage and taking the time to share with us today. You have so much value in this world, for your story and your experience, and how it weaves in, around, and through us, as individuals and as a community. You really do. I’m not sure you see that clearly Jenn - or maybe you’re just very humble - but I want you to know I see that in you. The world isn’t the same without your thread here in our fabric.
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That’s very awesome about the adoption. How exciting! Kids aren’t in my world (I’m good with it) but if I ever change my mind we talked about going that route. You will make a phenomenal parent!
I think tracking the days bothers me and I know I don’t have to and generally I don’t pay much attention. This is a big one so I’ve seen it coming from a month ago lol I can’t even tell you the last day I did harder drugs because I didn’t keep track of the day It’s almost like having a quit day messes with my mind. I might mull it over this weekend on my run but also might not 
In more fun things- I’m gonna attempt to diy our laundry room this weekend. (Paint and repair some nail holes) I’ve never done this before so should be a learning experience
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Oooh! Projects are fun. It’s nice to create a space.
You should take some before and after photos and share them here! 
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My dad just got put on the heart transplant list and is in icu. My sister is there with him and updating me. There are so many unknowns right now. He has had heart issues for a long time. I think his first heart attack was when I was 14 or so.
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Are you ok?
I feel ok honestly. I don’t want to be callous but I think I’ll be fine. He really wasn’t the best dad even though he tells it as he is.
He has been having issues with his heart for so long. We have always known this would happen just didn’t know when. If the fates have it he will be able to hold out and get a new heart. I imagine I will feel different if he passes but at the moment I’m ok with what’s happening. The doctors are doing all they can.
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I’m sorry to hear it anyway. It’s hard when someone important to us - in whatever way - is vulnerable.
I will be thinking of you over the coming days. Take care.
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My dad is stable and awake. The heart cath they did yesterday is good for now. Today we find out more about where he is at on the list. I’m working but my sister is gonna swing by again today and talk with the doctors.
I got in trouble at the pt yesterday because I was trying to to more than I was suppose to do so when I went yesterday I was so sore I couldn’t even do the pt. It was painful to try and move in certain ways. They did something called dry needling. It was weird but not bad and I was in some serious pain last night but it feels a lot better today. So lesson learned to only do the prescribed pt exercises and not extra. I can’t rush this. Sigh. I’m not good at being patient.
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Aha! Caught you red-handed! 
One day at a time - I knew it was useful in more than just AA! You’ve got this Jenn. One day at a time.
Not much new stuff going on here. I didn’t get around to my laundry room stuff but there’s always another day. That run on Saturday felt so good at the time but my ankle and hips have been hurting today so I haven’t gotten much done. I did some cleaning and laundry but pretty much just snacked, napped, and scrolled through tik tok. Hope everyone had a good weekend
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