I know. It’s a lot happening and it feels like nature is hitting so many parts of your world: your car, your house. Anyone would be worried in your shoes.
Worry away… just be sure you also get yourself whatever else you need tonight 
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That’s good. I know our minds always wants to make sure everything is good and we forget about ourselves, so make sure you’re safe too
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How ya doin Jenn?
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Thanks for checking on me. I feel asleep. Still raining but it’s light now and the water has receded so it’s not like a river outside
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Hey just wanted to check in and make sure you’re good. I saw things slowed down there which is good. Glad you’re ok and nothing major happened besides that hole.
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Thanks! The hubs isn’t to worried about it. We have it covered and will have to have someone out to look at it but I guess that’s what insurance is for
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lol yeah that’s always good to have but glad things are good
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Glad to hear it Jenn. What a surprise with the floods yesterday! I’m glad you made it through safe.
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I have been reading this thread for the past few days and I realize I am responding to a post that is a few months old.
I think you told your Husband that you wanted to drink because you wanted him to know that you were serious and just wanted to be heard. You were looking for his support and knew that if you said those words specifically if would force him to make a choice… Either drop the issue and support you or continue on and dismiss your hurt.
Im glad he recognized that you needed his support at that time.
The back and forth between you and Matt on this thread has been so helpful to me. It has given me great perspective on how to improve communication with my wife. Thank you both for sharing.
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I’m glad my story has been helpful to you and I hope you found some resources to help you with communication as @Matt posts them all the time 
I’m also very glad he decided to help me. Our communication has improved 10 fold. Most mornings we have coffee and it’s just us time to talk about whatever is on our mind. That has probably been the most helpful thing.
And honestly a lot of response Matt puts out here are so helpful. Even if I don’t know I need perspective I can find it in a response from him. So thankful I meet him here
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I’m so inspired by this. I hope that what I’ve started will be able to help me along the way as well.
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Did you start a thread? I love my little thread. It’s nice to look back on struggles and being able to overcome them sober. And of course how I dealt with emotions. That’s so hard at the beginning and even now sometimes
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Yes. Lol I didn’t know that was what I had done but honestly I’m so thankful for it. I get amazing feedback and answers to questions I love it 
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Awwww Jenn thx. That’s nice to hear. I’m glad my comments have helped. I’ve been sharing some of this thread with my wife as well and sometimes she’s like, ‘That’s me! I feel that way sometimes.’ We’ve both benefited
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Do you think his slip had anything to do with the talks about putting down the dog?
Maybe he doesnt even realize it. But that is a very enotional thing and it seems like it is as hard on him as it is you. Maybe worse for him.
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I can’t speak for his triggers. That is one place I keep trying to get to and he won’t let me. Each relapse of his doc I’ve asked why? And what were you feeling? His response is always he is bored but he doesn’t do anything to fill his time. It’s almost like he is stuck in the same circle. Ge always says he doesn’t know what to do to fill his time. He plays video games but as far as hobbies he doesn’t really have any.
And I do think putting down shady was harder on him. It very well could have been a trigger and he wasn’t even aware of it. I was sad and I still miss him but the hubs has said it feels like he doesn’t have a dog anymore
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I think that’s what got me boredom,
I’d be up and messing around everyone in bed so I’m like Ok one won’t hurt. Then 1 becomes 11 and I’m crawling into bed at 4 am shit faced.
As far as hobbies, it helped a little but I learned how to adapt my hobbies to my drinking. I think my biggest issue was mental health, as I starting fixing them my alcohol use also started to subside
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His mental health is a huge factor in all of this. At the time of the last relapse there was a lot of medication switching and dose changing so I have no doubt that his addict mind made the using ok. I also adapted my hobbies to be with alcohol but now have changed. I use to play video games also and watch a lot of tv and be on Facebook and drink. I think that’s why fitness is such a huge aspect for me because I can’t really drink while running or weight lifting. I would like to find something to do outside of that though but I haven’t yet. I’m sure I will eventually
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Even though my doc now is alcohol it hasn’t always been. I felt like sharing something from a long time ago. When I was 17 I was in love with a guy from my biology class. We ended up getting together and getting an apartment when I was 18. We were together for about 2 years. During this time I was in college and working full time at a Pizza Hut. I dabbled in weed and alcohol but really nothing serious. I found out about a yr in the relationship he had been doing meth. I wasn’t willing to try it at first but soon we were doing it all the time. I was skipping college and making excuses for the absence. I always turned my work in on time and had decent grades. I just didn’t go. I worked and never missed a day though.
Fast forward 6 or 7 months and I found out he was cheating. I came home and he had a girl in our apartment. Acted like it wasn’t even a big deal! He left and I stayed in the apartment. I went to school, worked, paid all the bills and smoked a ton of meth. Our dealer was a friend and he always gave me a good deal and sometimes free stuff. Shariff (boyfriend) wants to be forgiven and moves back in. I let him and make the condition he stay on the couch while we work though things. Spoiler we didn’t work through anything. I ended up moving back in with my mom. Still doing meth. I end up with the actual dealer and start spending time with him. He is a guy I also went to school with and apparently has had a crush on me for a long time. We start dating but honestly I think it was just for the free dope. Fast forward a few years. I had dropped out of college but moved up at Pizza Hut and I was the assistant manager. This went on for about 7 years (my meth usage)from when I was 18-25ish. In this time I also developed a pill and alcohol issue. We actually got married but it only lasted a yr and a half. The ending of the marriage is messy as anything with all those substances would be but at the time the marriage was crumbling Scott came into my life and I’m so happy I choose him instead of trying to work a broken toxic marriage. Not sure the exact day but I have been meth free for about 11 years now
I don’t know why I felt the need to share but I know time changes everything and today may be hard but tomorrow might be better.
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Wow, what a story! You’ve been through a lot: love, loss, and finding yourself. Some classic novels have been written with a lot less than what you shared here.
That’s your growth voice speaking. There’s something about growth that happens after the leap of faith. You take a leap - like you did when you started to get sober - and little by little you start to feel branches stretching out inside of you, exploring more of your world; roots stretch out into the soil of your history.
We all have a history. No one’s history is ideal; many of us feel regret. However we have to weave a story, consciously, out of our history. We have to tell our story, because integrating what we’ve been through into a coherent narrative (or picture, or other means of presentation) allows us to walk through our present and our future with self-awareness, and with more stability.
You are a storyteller Jenn. You do this regularly, actually. The memorials you have in your house, for your mother and for Shady, are an example of this: you selected elements of their lives & highlighted them, and presented them, in a way that tells a coherent story. Not everybody does this. You do.
You shared your story today because something about it matters to you. Over the next few weeks and months you would benefit from taking some time to dive into that. Therapy is worthwhile but even if you can’t do that, sharing in recovery groups helps. Also, maybe some exploration of moments in your history. Maybe you could visit the Pizza Hut you used to work at? I don’t mean to suggest you do something that will make you feel vulnerable, and you shouldn’t do it if you think it would be a risk for you. But visiting that site will help you see and recall some of where you were at that time. It will “plough the soil” of your history - help you better understand yourself - and that opens the soil up to plant your future.
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