They have since moved the Pizza Hut and I’ve been there. I don’t think it had much to do with my decisions though. It just happen to be my job and I was good at it lol
I think exploring the reasons of the men choices might be worth something. I know I’m not going to choose another one but me and the hubs have done our share of substances together also. It seems like I have always chosen men who could provide for the addict side of me since I was about 16 (starting drinking socially then)
I’m glad the hubs and I are working to have a sober life and honestly out of my history he is the only one I’d want to live sober with.
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Last night me and the hubs went to dinner and it was really nice. The food was great and the waitress attentive (huge pet peeve of mine if they aren’t). The hubs ordered a drink and I had no problem with it. I asked if they could make me a virgin frozen something and they said no so I had water. He actually offered me a sip and said he wouldn’t mind… I said no and we had a conversation about how he feels bad about drinking in front of me. It isn’t his doc. He can have 1 drink and be good and not drink again for months. I can not and sometimes I think he forgets the spiral. Almost to 7 month AF because I didn’t indulge last night.
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Good for you Jenn!
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I’m trying to not overthink it. At first I was like is this a test? And then I was kinda insulted, like you know I can’t why offer. But it came down to him feeling guilty for drinking in front of me which I guess is his issue to deal with because it really didn’t bother me like it did the last time we went out.
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100%. I think I remember the last time - you shared about it here if I remember right. This is a growth moment for you Jenn; good news 
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I don’t know what the hubs problem is but we are butting heads and this is the biggest trigger for me. He is acting annoyed with me, like everything I do. He won’t talk. Gives stupid 1 word answers and is being a general butt and is trying to turn it around on me. Something I’ve noticed when he starts to go in a low or something is going on mentally he doesn’t talk about it he will lash out and bring me down to his depression and then it’s almost like I take it for him. He will feel better and I deal with healing myself. I almost want to go to bed tonight before he gets home just to 1) not drink and 2) not have to deal with whatever conflict there is or isn’t.
Marriage is fun sometimes 
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Lmao I agree. But I also understand what you’re saying about your husband cause I get that way too. When I’m upset or if my wife is getting on me about something I shut down and don’t talk. For me i think it’s cause in the military we learn to not show emotions and hold things in, but at the same time a lot of it is our pride as men. Feeling like we shouldn’t be treated certain ways. I get you wanting to avoid the issue so it doesn’t make you want to drink or dealing with the issue but I’ve learned talking about your feelings is the best thing you can do and putting off that discussion will just make things drag out. Better to get it done and over with. But only you know how your husband is so that’s your call, but I hope everything gets better cause being in a house and relationship with tension isn’t good for either of you. Hope this is helpful and again I’m speaking from my experience. Good luck
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I hope he’s able to get whatever he needs socially, psychiatrically, or psychologically, to work on this (for himself) - but at the same time I hope it doesn’t stop you from being your full self with your own two wings.
It’s hard when someone who’s played such an important role, at such important times, withdraws; retreats. It hurts.
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This stuck a cord actually. He has been to prison and he says a lot of his shutting down has to do with his time there. I guess from my perspective it should be different cause I’m not some dude I’m the person who waited for him to get out of said prison. But that’s neither here nor there. Thank you for the thoughts. I think I will stay up and wait for him to get home. It is for sure better than it still being an issue tomorrow or the next day. Thank you
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I wish he would go to counseling. I honestly don’t think he is going to be able to be happy and I think this will be the merry go round will just continue to go around. When it’s good, it’s so great but when he gets in a funk or we get in a fight he is like a brick wall.
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I totally agree with getting it out of the way now compared to letting it carry on to the next day. That will just make things rocky from the minute you wake up. And I agree he shouldn’t treat you like that and anytime. That’s what we are here for not yo judge but to help each other.
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I can totally agree and relate to this. My wife can be the same way. If I’m doing my recovery work and giving her all of my attention, not bitching and complaining about things, everything is good, but once I don’t give her attention or not consistent with my step work all hell breaks loose and once she’s upset there’s no calming her down and no one can say anything to her without her flipping out. Gotta walk on egg shells when she’s upset lol. But keep your head up and hope things get better
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I realized years ago in my marriage that I’d married my whole wife. I hadn’t just married the parts where she wasn’t projecting her unresolved traumas from her father’s abandonment of the family, onto me (a significant male in her life).
(I didn’t realize that until after I’d taken some time to process my own history though; that insight for me, arose organically, and I’m not sure exactly when or how. I suspect it’s related to overall trying to understand my life better.)
Viktor Frankl, in his book Man’s Search for Meaning (Frankl was a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps), related something another survivor had shared with him, in the years after the war: their captors could take everything from them, physically; their captors could dehumanize them, personally and emotionally; but in the end, their captors could not remove their ability to find meaning in their circumstances, their ability to choose their attitude, in where they are, and what they did. Even in going to the gas chambers, the captives could choose to retain their dignity.
And that act, the man said, was a heroism far above any military action.
There is heroism in the most basic human actions. There is heroism even when all relatives and connections and humanity is stripped away from a person. There is heroism in the personal choice one makes, about one’s relationship with oneself, one’s perception of oneself. Who are you, to yourself, for yourself, in the world? Who are you, as a human in the world?
You have married your whole husband. It is exasperating what you are watching him do now. But it is not a threat to your human dignity. Your humanity remains exactly as it was and exactly as it will forever remain.
Your are Jennifer and will always be her, in all her drive, in all her thoughts, in all her dignity.
He is a brick wall? Fine.
What are you having for dinner tonight?
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The first part is how it feels. It’s like he wants to make me mad. He wants me to let him wallow and not explore why he is upset. Honestly it’s really hard on me sometimes but I know it’s not my problem. I just want to help and make him happy. Makes me feel like I’m failing
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That’s a good question.
Dinner. I just got back from grocery pickup actually. Honestly I just want some fruit and veggies. Maybe a little side of turkey just for protein lol nothing fancy over here
Thank you for all of that. Your words are always so wise and encouraging
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I have to jump in to say how interesting and helpful @Matt’s insight is. Obviously I’m not involved in the situation, but reading the dialogue makes me think of relationships in general. Just a basic learning experience…
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Honestly being able to air my feelings here and get different perspectives has been the most helpful thing and probably kept me sober. I know I made an uproar in my early sobriety cause I was all feelings and no sense but I’m glad I stuck around cause I wouldn’t be this sober without all of y’all.
@Mbwoman his words are so wise and normally snap me out of where I was going. Which is the bottle. Whatever he is doing, he should stop and be a marriage counselor lol but for real I don’t know what I would do without his twist on what I’m seeing.
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@littlemisschatterbox you changed your pic and I was so dang confused. I was like who did I just respond to 
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Mmmm that sounds delicious. I love fruit and veggies. They’re natures refreshment.
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Stay positive and as much as the situation sucks don’t let your husband bring you down and belittle you because everyone on here sees how much work you’ve put into your recovery and sees you as a wonderful woman who can overcome great things. Just talk calmly with him when he gets home, if he ends up being rude or something take time away to collect your thoughts and try again. It’s him acting a fool not you.
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