Glad to hear it Jenn. Yes home is an emotionally charged place: I’m not sure what it’s like for you, but my home has layers, myself and my spouse and the complex histories and habits we grew up with. It is mentally, emotionally, and physically tiring to live in that space. It’s not good or bad - life is life - but it’s important to be aware of those layers and acknowledge them as you recover; gradually as you peel away layers, you get to a space where they don’t ruffle your feathers as much.
Take care & stay aware. You’ve got this, one day at a time.
I’m doing well. Haven’t posted in a few days but I’m still sober just been busy. Yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning and picking up and did 2 workouts. I was just feeling productive I guess lol. We got our Christmas tree up and I love it. It’s a cute little thing for our first Christmas in this house
My pleasure Jenn. Sobriety is much better than using but it changes how we think and behave and feel - because all of a sudden we’re thinking & feeling, which we were avoiding before. This impacts our relationship with our significant other: whether the rocky/weird period starts with them or with us, how we handle it and how we process it is new for us, because we’re sober and “living life on life’s terms” as the expression goes
One day at a time. Keep reflecting, keep reaching out, connect with your sober community for advice (sometimes it helps to have advice from someone who’s been there). And maybe introduce a simple, new ritual into your relationship. One thing I started recently with my wife, every day at dinner, is we say one thing we were grateful for today, and one thing that was hard or was a learning experience. It’s a simple ritual but I find it helps us open up to each other and invite the other person into our lives.
Take care sister and remember: you’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
Good to see you Jenn! Thx for checking in - like a heartbeat you don’t always think about it when it’s fine but you sure as hell miss it when it’s not. It’s good to hear you’re ok Wishing you peace sister
I’m working on accepting things I can’t change. This is probably the hardest thing for me to do. Last night a tower went down so I lose tv, internet and cell service. I started thinking well this is it, at least I’m sober for the apocalypse but then a spiral happened and I had a inner monologue and ended up scrubbing our kitchen. I had listened to a podcast earlier and he said if you can’t change the situation, find something else to change. I know it may sound crazy but I kept repeating I can’t change what is happening but I can clean this oven, fridge, etc. it got me through and the tower was fixed and guess what the world didn’t end (literally)
That’s awesome Jenn! Good for you. And now you have a nice clean kitchen!
That idea of finding something else you can change isn’t crazy at all. It’s a very sensible thing and in fact it’s something most sober humans do normally, to manage stressors in life.
Isn’t it amazing? In our addictions we got so used to our own craziness and disorder that we think stable sober behaviour is crazy.
Today started so good. Got my jeep serviced, got the hubs work clothes washed, cleaned and the list goes on. I got bored… I got whiskey but I had 1 drink and poured the rest down the sink. I don’t feel like I’ve failed per say but I definitely need to learn to control these weak moments. It’s like once my mind is made up there is no logic that will change it. I wasn’t going to tell the hubs cause well I’m disappointed and feel so weak minded but we don’t lie. So I told him what happened because I may have an addiction but I don’t lie. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m going to try and find some AA meetings. I really need some in person because I’m already so isolated with working from home. I just know what I’m doing apparently isn’t working.
Hey @Runningfree! Sorry you are going thru a rough time. Isolation and WFH has truly made being/staying sober a challenge for me. Lots of zoom meetings of different support varieties out there. I miss in person as well. Hang in there and glad you are here.
Thank you for taking a minute to respond. I know I’m not alone but at the same time feel so alone. I may look into zoom as a last resort because I know some in person would be best for my mental Heath (whole nother can of worms)
I’m not sure how to put what I’m feeling into words. I had a pretty shitty day. The hubs was in a bad mood which put me in a bad mood and work was stressful. I’m sober but in a pretty crap mood. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Wishing you peace sister 
And now you have a nice clean kitchen!
but I had 1 drink and poured the rest down the sink. I don’t feel like I’ve failed per say but I definitely need to learn to control these weak moments. It’s like once my mind is made up there is no logic that will change it. I wasn’t going to tell the hubs cause well I’m disappointed and feel so weak minded but we don’t lie. So I told him what happened because I may have an addiction but I don’t lie. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m going to try and find some AA meetings. I really need some in person because I’m already so isolated with working from home. I just know what I’m doing apparently isn’t working.