Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
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I second that @SinceIAwoke - good on you Jen- tomorrow will be what it is, today you did it❤️
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Try to rest well Jen.
I’m glad you didn’t leave us for good.
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Very glad to read that. ODAAT Jenn. Like all of us. Hope you’re sleeping well.
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I’m feeling hopeful today. Woke up and did a workout, got a good sight of the beautiful sunrise for a moment and I can’t explain how the sky makes me feel when it looks so breathtaking. Almost like a calming effect. I had 1 goal today and that was to find someone to help my hubs. We did other things also, like errands but that was my main focus. Turns out I was calling the wrong section of therapists so once I got that figured out I found a very sweet and caring sounding man. I cried when I got off the phone from the feeling of relief I had just from talking with him. The doctor himself talked with me for 20 minutes explaining his process and what all is involved. It sounds so promising. I was able to schedule the hubs an appointment with him in 3 weeks. The psychologist said he will call if he has something open before because I made sure to let him know this feels in my soul like a serious call for help. It’s in person and with a man so I’ve tried to leave no room for excuses. About to be off to Pt then the hubby is going to make us bison burgers 
it’s not cow so I don’t think it counts towards my no red meat lol
I have every reason to be sober today 
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I am so glad you found someone for him to talk to! That alone makes for a great day, especially paired with him making dinner. I hope you both have a great one.
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Great effort Jen, congrats on finding someone who sounds caring and professional! Hope it works out for your husband!
And well done on staying sober today! You’re awesome. Strong girl!
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Very happy for you and your hubs!! What a relief, help is finally on the way. It can only get better from here. So glad you never gave up.
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I took my flute to the music shop today to be restored. I haven’t played in probably 10 years but I’ve decided to get back to it. I played from 6th grade till in college. I remember practicing for hours. It won’t be cleaned and get new pads for a few weeks but I’m excited for that to be on the horizon
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I want audio - share a scale with us!
I studied music in college. Classical singing. I sang opera! I love music.
When I was in high school I played the trumpet. I was in the concert band and the jazz band. Some of my fondest high school memories are from events with the bands 
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I’m having a rough time stringing days together. I got a few the other day then drank and then a few and drank last night. Last night was moderated which was a weird twist for me to be able to do. I’m not saying that I expect to continue to be able to do that because I know I will not. I know I’ll slip back into my old ways of excess. It almost feels like I’ve lost some motivation though like I need to go to the point of excess to want to quit again.?
I’m sober now, got that at least
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You’ll find your way again Jen. Just don’t ever give up trying.
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Im glad you’re here; I know for me it took a few blips so just stick around no matter what your count is sweetie. 
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That’s tough, Jen, and I feel your pain. Once that slippery cycle of drink/recover/drink started for me, I was a goner. At the end, I was resigned to die the slow death of the pathetic alcoholic who traded more and more of his physical, financial, and spiritual assets for one more chance to try to drink and be happy. That bottom is a terrible place and not everyone makes it back alive.
You are sober and grateful for that, and that’s a beautiful place to start.
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It sounds like that old addict brain is whispering.
“I need to go to the point of excess” - obviously crazy right? Like, how does that make sense, in any way? Who thinks that?
Yet to the addict, it is the most logical thing in the world. Of course I can walk that path. Why not? Then I’ll just boomerang around to… somewhere else.
Up, down, left, right, weave, swerve…
Addict life. Chaos. Chaos is so normal we think it’s what we need. We think it’s inevitable.
You’re lost right now Jenn. But you’re looking for your home.
Keep searching for your home Jenn. I promise it’s not the chaos. You will find it if you search. Don’t stop.
You belong. You’re a good person and you belong: safe, and sober, and present, in your life.
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Thank you for checking on me. I’m going to get back on track I (like all addicts I’m sure) am putting it off each day sorta like I was putting off not drinking each day. I know what needs to be done but I’m just not doing it. I have to want it and I just don’t right now but I do also. Idk.
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Why not start today? I know how much you want to help your husband with what he’s going through and one of the best ways to do that is to set a good example.
Start doing what you need to do now before you get too far into that cycle of drinking, like I know I would if I picked up again. There’s no reason to put it off. Don’t let yourself reach that point where you can’t come back.
We’re here for you
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That sucks Jenn. I’m sorry to hear that. 
The mind fuck of addiction is everywhere. It’s like a virus. And the cure is inoculation.
The mind always tells us we’re not ready in these situations, we don’t want it. That’s the self-will talking. Self-will, self-doubt, self-hurt.
There’s a lot of hurt and loneliness and betrayal and abandonment wrapped up in there. 
You’re a good person Jenn and you need to work for a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. Right now you’re shrouding yourself. How long can that continue? Why not remove the shroud?
What are you scared of?
Take care Jenn. You are worthy, and good, and you belong.
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I feel so anxious. All day at work I’ve been contemplating finishing the bottle I’ve had or being sober cause @Nordique is making me (in a good way)
I just spit the words out to the hubs “just pour it down the sink for me” he did before he left for work and I damn near had a panic attack because my thoughts of the “last” drink or however my brain was working the words had me feeling crazy. I had full intent to be drunk tonight. I’ve been saying it’s ok cause it’s just a drink or so but at the same time he has watched the liquid shrink and how can I expect the hubs to give his all and be alive each day for me if I can’t be sober.
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