I figured out how to move my thread to the lounge so that’s cool. I’m going to start posting my daily checkin here so it doesn’t clog up that other. Just keep all my stuff in 1 place I suppose. This book is really helping me. I read it for a bit tonight and I’m not really as angry anymore. I think I need to be more supportive at the moment but I know if this behavior doesn’t change I may have hard choices to make but I’d rather not think about that.
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You’re doing the right thing Jenn. You’re learning and you’re gaining perspective.
You’re a complicated mix of feels and thoughts, like we all are. Remember that you’re doing the right thing: seeing, learning, understanding.
You’re a good person Jenn and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. 
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Day 13- I was kinda passive aggressive but in a weird way it worked. I had put what I found with a note on the table that said I found this while cleaning thought you would want it. I let him sleep all day and night. He woke this morning. First thing. It’s not mine. I didn’t mean to but I scoffed. Maybe I did mean to but that was how I felt. I found it in your car and it’s not yours? The police gonna buy that shit story? I didn’t say all that but after the scoff he said I’m not dealing with this I’m leaving for the day and I said ok (not my normal reaction). He went and smoked then came to explain it was some guys at work and the whole thing. I still am not sure I believe him but after I got off work we talked. I explained my feelings and he understood how I could not believe him. He then admitted for the first time in our relationship he is an addict. He wants to go to an NA meeting and I’m in full support and want to go with him. I’ve been to both AA and NA meetings and I always preferred NA. It’s like a non denominational church sorta. We talked about the difference it made in me just saying ok to him leaving vs me telling him to stay and talk.
Other than all that work was decent. Travel schedule should be coming Monday (yay!) I know I will have 1 full day off so I’ve started looking for trails for a hiking day.
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That’s nice you moved your thread here. He’s admitting he’s addicted to alcohol? ( and wants help). Great he wants to go a meeting!
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His isn’t alcohol but yes to the admittance and a meeting and the appointment with the doctor is next week. Things are headed in the right directions. Fingers crossed they continue
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Fingers crossed. 
Hugs.
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I’m really, really glad to hear that he admitted he has a problem. That sounds like a huge step in the right direction to me. It’s certainly a 180 degree turn from “that’s not mine” which is a pretty bad excuse anyway when you found it in the house…not like it was in a desk at work or something.
I don’t always have time to respond to your posts but I always read them and I’m rooting for you (and your husband)!
I bet if he sticks with those meetings and is able to stay clean, those dark thoughts he’s been expressing recently will become a thing of the past.
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I’m glad to hear this. I am glad to hear your husband’s opening up about his addiction of course but I’m more glad about your choices about the things you can control: your voice and your reactions. It sounds like you’re using them to make a space that works (better) for you - and I’m happy about that: you deserve it.
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Day 14- worked most the day then hung with the hubs. He got himself some coloring books so that’s nice. We sat at the table and colored for a while. His are horror themed. Like it, Freddie, chucky, etc. not my style but it keeps him busy and he seems to be getting into it. We watched the move The Tomorrow War on Amazon prime- really good. Totally recommend. I got my flute back but it’s not repaired because the music shop said I would be better off just getting a new one. Plan on doing that soon. I found some for about $100-150. Not terrible. I’m making this little corner in our bedroom a music place. We have barstools and I plan to put one in the corner after I move the mirror and get a music stand. I got this cute little sign at hobby lobby and they have other cute decor items I’m going to get to finish the area
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Looks great! Music is a wonderful thing
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I’m glad to hear you guys are both finding stuff to keep you busy! That was so hard for me to learn and I still struggle with it a lot. I never really realized how much of my drinking was linked to boredom.
Love the music stuff too!
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Hope you find a good place to go for a hike get out there and enjoy being out on the trail. I pray that you and your husband are able to keep things moving in a positive direction, i know how important it is to get professional help when going through something like hes been dealing with. Im glad to hear things seem to be leveled out, remember your self care and just keep a positive attitude about things take it easy and just remember we’re all here wishing the best for yous.
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Day 15- had to work today so I didn’t do much else. I reached out to the travel people just to let them know I’m off tomorrow and gave them my cell. They ended up calling tonight and I should have my info by tomorrow. I’ll have a layover in Houston but that’s fine. Watching some tv and might fall asleep soon. Feeling really tired tonight.
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Sleep well 
you deserve a good rest 
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Day 16- off from work today since it’s Monday. I got most of my stuff packed for my trip except for electronics and bathroom stuff. I figure clothing wise if I need something I can always hit up a shop there. The travel people finally got my itinerary to me. I feel like a huge weight of stress has been lifting. I can now look at where the gates are on the flights and check out my hotel. My friend/coworker that I go see in west Texas is there now helping as a fill tech (putting the pills into blister packs) I’m happy to have a person I know there and my boss’s boss is there. I met her a few years ago when I trained the Connecticut pharmacy before her promotion.
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Glad to hear things are coming together. This sounds like it will be a good trip! 
It’s nice to get a change of scenery.
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It’s an early checkin for day 17. I’m feeling down and angry but can’t pinpoint why. I have to get up at 3 to get ready and get to the airport in the morning so I’ll be going to bed at my normal early time. The hubs hurt his arm today and from his description I think he might have torn his rotator cuff. He still hasn’t finished filling out the paperwork for the doctor appt that is in 2 days. As much as I’m trying to not stress about that I am. I’m stressing that he won’t even go. I’m terrible with the worst case thinking.
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Sleep well tonight Jenn. Hope the flight is comfortable
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You’re just worried about him, that’s all. That is totally valid.
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Very worried and now anxious. I’m really working on being in the present and not worrying about the future but it seems like the future is all I can think about. At the airport now waiting for my flight so I’m sure most of my anxiety is from the travel.
I think it boils down to control issues. I’ve had them for so long. I have the need to control everything or plan things to a T. Ugh. To early for all this thinking lol
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