I relate to this! Working on it too 
Hope you have a good flight. Safe travels!
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Thanks!! Flight is suppose to leave at 6 and I’ll be getting into Raleigh around 2pm. I have a layover in Houston of an hr so I’m hoping to get lunch there
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How’s Raleigh?
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Getting into my hotel for the night. Got into Raleigh around 2pm est and went by the pharmacy to chat with my supervisor and introduce myself to the technicians I’ll be training. A few non receptive people and 1 very excited new tech. I’ll focus most of my energy on the tech that wants to learn. Most of the time when the others hear my shortcuts or ways I train they generally come around or at least that’s what happened in Connecticut. My friend and I went to dinner at a very fancy (pricey!) Italian place. We needed a reservation and since we didn’t have one we could only sit at the bar. I agreed and even though the bartender was constantly asking if we wanted drinks I turned each down. My friend had a whiskey and coke (my drink) but I remained strong. Honestly, in my mind I could hear words from the book I’m reading (Quit like a woman) and I didn’t want to drink. I literally sat at a bar and had a blast and didn’t drink. And just so we are on the same page I wouldn’t have done it but 1 thing from the book stuck out to me at that moment. I didn’t want to be the reason we couldn’t try this place just because I “couldn’t” sit at the bar because I could have sat anywhere and the bar was still visible. Oh and bonus- we walked around part of the historic district here and saw some pretty nice Halloween decor! Thanks for checking in on me @Matt
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Happy to hear you made it safely and survived dinner at the bar. Really proud of you, Jen!!
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Thank you! The hubs told me tonight he was proud of me for not drinking. The first time he has ever said that. He might have thought it but hasn’t ever voiced it
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Strategic 
Glad to hear you liked the historic district. The east coast is full of history. A trip down the east coast is a dream for me, checking out all the towns and taking in the landscape.
Wishing you a constructive day tomorrow 
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That’s awesome!! It’s always nice to hear them say it even though we know they’re thinking it.
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Today was meh. Work was great. My trainee is picking up things decently quick and she is very appreciative. I did a workout in the hotels gym and that was very nice. All the weight choices!!
Every day if I’m not at home or the hubs is working nights I tell him morning in a text. So I did and I got back a text that said he was in so much pain in his hip and he couldn’t get out of the bed. 2 hours later, multiple texts, calling his mom and his sister who ended up calling him every 2 minutes until he picked up. He claims he fell asleep but was in so much pain he couldn’t walk… The phycologist appointment was today…… I feel like giving up on him. I feel like he will never help himself and I hate feeling this way
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That is such a rough and worry worry worry way to start the day - I’m so sorry to hear that Jenn. That is hard. It’s such a worry for you to go through 
What do you do when you are in these types of scenarios? In some ways actually being on the other side of the country is a good thing because it means you literally can’t do anything. You have to surrender control here, because you don’t have it.
How do you surrender, in your mind, and get down to what you can control?
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I didn’t do well. I had to take my anxiety medicine because I was on the verge of a panic attack but having to stay professional to my work people. I can not grasp this no control. It is probably my biggest trigger. I don’t know how to stop wanting to control. Being across the country did not help in any way.
Edit: I know there are things outside of my control and I guess I don’t think about that. I just feel like I should feel a certain amount of control in my life. Sometimes I feel like the longer I try for sobriety the more I am thinking how much longer can I live in this stressful position. I don’t want to feel this way because I know I will then move to the area of being stuck. I don’t think I can separate from him.
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I honestly do not have an answer for this.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such a frustrating situation. I assume based on what you’re saying that he’s basically faking an injury (over the phone) to get out of the appointment?
I hate to say it but that just sounds like someone who doesn’t want to change. I only say that because that was me for the longest time so I know the feeling personally.
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He hurt his shoulder the other day at work. Pretty sure he tore something. He is trying to say that maybe in messing up his shoulder he might have messed up a nerve of something that leads to the hip. I’ve heard of referred pain so I’m not saying it is impossible. I just find it hard to believe when he told me all he did yesterday was sleep and watch tv. It just seems very convenient. And he is currently at his sisters house watching the football game. So he felt good enough to go over there. I don’t think he is fully making up the pain but I think he could have made it to the appointment especially since he went over there.
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Ah ok got it, that makes sense. Yeah that does sound like a convenient excuse if he was still able to go watch football.
Well regardless of what you can and can’t control you should be very proud of how much you do for him, it really shows that you want him to be better and are doing everything you can.
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Control and helplessness are two sides of the same coin. Feeling helpless is a desperate, lonely feeling.
You are a good person Jenn and you deserve a safe life where you can be your full self. You deserve a life where you can live with healthy action and healthy acceptance of yourself, your world, and the people around you. You have always deserved this and you will always deserve this, every day.
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Thanks for being here. I appreciate y’all so much more than you could ever know. I need to get some sleep soon. Gonna go to bed crying but sober. The words used to describe helplessness is exactly how I feel tonight
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I know. Feeling helpless is probably related to something deeper here.
Life is like a picnic under a tree: the leaves - the day-to-day events of life - are what we see, but what’s really growing the leaves - the roots - is what it’s really about. The trick is, we don’t see the roots; it takes time and patience to find them.
You’re a good person Jenn. You’ve always been a good person and you will always be a good person.
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Try to get some rest Jen. The serenity prayer helps me in these situations…god grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
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