Been pretty busy at work and cooking for the hubs. He went back to work and it was kind of a relief for both of us. He was “stir crazy” and I needed some quiet time. He has some days off this coming week and we are going to visit family so that will be nice. I’m ready for my virtual training people to come back. They were at a yearly conference this past week and I’m not great about getting after workouts by myself. I like the group atmosphere even though it’s online. I have a run scheduled for tomorrow after work if it’s not crazy cold. I didn’t use to like to run but over the past yr or so I’ve been getting better. I’ve been trying to like running for 4 years 
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“Trying to like running for 4 years” I know the feeling! Good for you 
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It was a rough run today. Mental picture: me running along jamming away. Look around see some older gentleman chilling on the porch, wave. Mid wave I’m falling… then I’m on the concrete cussing worse than a sailor. Look down and around. Picking myself up. My hands are hurt but the skin isn’t broken. My knee hurts and my leggings have a hole. My ego is so bruised. Lord I’m mortified. I tripped over some torn up sidewalk. A root had grown under it and I did not know. 
limped away and even finished the run. You can find me on the couch nursing my wounds but mostly my damn ego.
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Oh that looks rough. Those injuries on the knees are always painful 
Get well soon!
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I’m on a spiral of negative self talk and depression. I know the basics. Stop talking negative but that is so much easier said than done. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked myself out of going to Christmas with the family. I don’t want to drink. I just want to sleep.
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The holidays can be really tough. They’re connected with a lot of strong feelings about yourself and others. It’s a strong mix
I remember one Christmas I just stayed in my apartment Dec 24-26. I had been planning to spend it at my moms like normal, but when the day came I just couldn’t go (or at least I didn’t want to; I wanted my space). I actually spent the time working on my resume and job applications! That was the year after I finished school and I was unemployed, looking for work. Being unemployed sucks; I felt really discouraged that year.
One element of our recovery is feeling a full range of feelings that we’ve been numbing for years. This could be a part of that. Be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel them fully. Take time for yourself if you need it. Ultimately family will understand; they should, anyway, and if they don’t you just let it slide off your back. It’s your life and your health - and that’s what matters.
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How you doing Jenn?
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Oof. Those negativity spirals are rough. How’s it going?
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Hey. It’s going. The fall the other day really messed me up. Pretty sure I sprained my wrist and my knee is swollen and hurting. I had a breakdown with the hubs because I didn’t want to go but yet felt mad that he even thought to go without me. Like how does that even make sense. We went. It was an ok time but I just cried on the way home because I was second guessing everything I did. It’s no secret in his family about the drinking, isolation, depression (at least his immediate, they are like my mom and sister) but I just didn’t want to be there and felt uncomfortable the whole time. Since we did Christmas there the hubs decided to give me what he got me. It’s a spin bike and I’m over the moon about it. I can’t wait till he has some more days off to put it together. Today was just meh. I don’t feel terrible but I don’t feel great either. I feel mentally exhausted and I’m not a fan of dealing with feelings. My counselor doesn’t have a appointment till February so there’s that. I feel like I’m just rambling but that’s where I am
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That’s awesome about the spin bike!
Enjoy your holiday, you do deserve to be happy!
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Thank you. Enjoy yours also 
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I feel that way about my wife’s salmon. She makes it so well & I can’t do it (or at least, never learned). It’s nice the way we “lean in” to each other in marriage.
It sounds like you soldiered through the Christmas gathering. Those are hard. Some parts of life are hard. It sounds like you’re still here & working on life though and that’s not nothing sister. You deserve a pat on the back. Even if you’re feeling blah, which is ok, you do still deserve to know: you are doing the right thing and you’re doing what is healthy and good.
How’s your knee?
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My knee is healing still hurting but it’s ok. I have a condition called hereditary angioedema so I’m mostly dealing with swelling from the impact.
The hubby is the best at putting stuff together. He read the instructions, organizes the parts and follows the instructions to a t. I just start throwing stuff together and then he has to take it apart I’m feeling ok today. I’m working my way back up the spiral. Trying to be positive and thankful today. Thank you so much for checking on me.
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My pleasure Jenn I’m glad you’re ok. I get in those spirals too so though I’m not in your head I have an idea how it feels 
Merry Christmas! 
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Merry Christmas to you also. Thanks for always being supportive.
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Pretty good day today. I did my first workout since my fall and my wrist is still weak but I made it through with some modifications. I cleaned and cooked and worked on cleaning up the garage because we are adding the spin bike and a punching bag. Been trying to find some more weights but they are crazy expensive right now. All in all it was a good day off. Tomorrow I’ll finish the garage and have a mostly lazy day. I plan on making some stuffed bell peppers and the hubs is off so we are gonna watch a movie. Hope everyone is well
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Can’t wait until these cool down. 
Did a spin bike class (intense) and then the weather was so nice I had to go for a run. Got almost 4 miles done and it wasn’t terrible lol. I’m looking at a new pair of running shoes just waiting till our monthly bills are paid to see about getting them.
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In a few days I’ll have my 2 year anniversary from quitting cigarettes. I smoked for 20+ years (started when I was 13) I tried to quit so many times. Tried the patches multiple times, will power, and even vaping. The thing that finally did it for me was not being able to give my all in my fitness journey. I ended up using Chantix for 5 months and it was the best decision ever. About a year ago I did a little vaping with no nic juice but that was rare and when I was drinking. Sometimes I’ll get a random
craving for a cig and it would be easy cause the hubs still smokes but my brain says no, we don’t do that. Like literally a flick of the wrist and I’ll bypass the craving and do something else. I’m almost back to 21 days no drinking and it feels like I will never get to a time where the craving will get easier. Logically I know eventually it will be easier, per say. Meh I just wish I could drink responsibility. Side note. My anxiety has been messing with me since the Christmas thing and I messaged my mother in law apologizing for being an ass and she had no idea what I was talking about thanks overthinking brain
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Mmmm those look delicious Jenn - yum! 
How did they taste?
Overthinking brain. Yep. This and this and this and this and then when we talk to someone and go into all the detail about what we did and what happened and how we regret it and they’re like, “Huh?” It’s amazing we can even get out of bed in the morning without thinking about what we might do wrong
Be gentle with yourself. One day at a time. Yesterday is past, and tomorrow hasn’t happened yet; all we have is today, this moment, and we belong here. We deserve to experience this moment, even if we may be worried about something; we deserve to be here, sober and healthy.
Now let me know about those peppers!
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Lol the peppers were pretty bomb. It’s was actually one of the first recipes I learned when I moved out on my own. I haven’t made them in a few years. Not really sure why. I had already gotten the hubs lunch ready today and he wanted to take one with him just for an extra snack lol
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