Are you listening to serial killers? I’ve listened to that one also 
I listen to true crime and self help podcast
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Omg I love serial killers 
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It’s been a good day. Worked out, cleaned a little, did the grocery pickup, went and got a massage and then spent the afternoon reading. It’s 30 degrees right now and the snow storm is suppose to start in a few hours. The forecast shows 100% chance of snow in the wee hours of the morning and it’s suppose to continue into tomorrow. I’m glad the hubs took the jeep to work since he is overnight and will have to drive in it in the morning.
Random side note: Such a good day but yet I feel like something is missing. I’m not good at relaxing.
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I was in the same boat my friend I went 6 months and lost my mind but it was so stupid to do I’ve been talking to and psych dr and seeing a therapist it’s been a huge help to talk about what drives you to drink at least for me good luck
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I know the feeling. I can’t seem to stop my mind! 
I don’t have an easy answer but I like the expression “ride the wave”: these waves of thoughts come and eventually pass. Another thing I find helpful is to try to ground myself in my body and really feel, sense my space: the cushion beneath me, the sense of coolness in the air I breathe. It’s peaceful to go to my home in my body. Massages are great for that - I’m jealous!
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It has arrived and it is still snowing!! This is my first BIG snow in my whole life. I’m pretty excited about it!!
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Finishing up HIgh Achiever by Tiffany Jenkins
I would definitely recommend it. I’ve loved her videos and social media content. It’s such an amazing story of overcoming, or I guess moving forward after addiction. Making some chicken burrito bowls today. We still have so much snow! It’s so lovely outside but I’ll continue looking from inside lol
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Wow that’s so beautiful! A winter wonderland 
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The hubs has long had depression and I have thought he is manic/ bipolar for a long time. Tonight we were talking because he was distant and angry all day. I know this spiral. We were talking about how he needs to go to the doctor and needs to start mental counseling. He opened up about a lot of things and I appreciated his honesty. I think I have convinced him to call for an appt to find a primary doctor who can hopefully help him start on a path to better his mental health. At the same time he has said this before so I’m hoping tomorrow he follows through because his depression is only getting worse and more frequent. I tried to be open and receptive to what he had to say. At one point I asked him if he is unhappy in the life he has made. The move, house, us. It always seems the dark time come when he is on long change (off for 7 days) he said sometimes he wishes he was alone because then he wouldn’t make me depressed and bring me down. Those words broke my heart. I know he didn’t mean he wants to live without me. I know this is the depressed person talking. But damnit man, talk about a stab. I wouldn’t want to imagine my life without him so how could he think he would be better off alone. I’m trying so hard to keep my overthinking brain from taking over.
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Just found your thread and read quite a bit, I’m sorry your having a rough day. I’m not married, or in a relationship so I have nothing to offer but stay strong and things will get better.
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Thank you. You stay strong also 
Thank you, on you overthinking I can totally relate, I find my self start thinking about things so much its like I created a fiction book that I swear is real, and no matter what anyone tells me I think the fiction book (my mind) is right. Crazy how we use to numb our minds to the point of basic functionality, now we’re little Einsteins trying to process every single thought we have.
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I’ve always been this way but it has definitely amped since I quit drinking. If I was still drinking I wouldn’t have been able to be there and remember it. I know my hurt feelings will go away. I’m thankful I was able to somewhat help him not completely spiral. And if I can get him to the mental professionals I think my feelings will be worth the price.
Hi Jenn, I’m sorry you’re going through that; I know it’s hard. My wife and I both sometimes feel stabbed by the other, often in ways they didn’t intend at all. But the feeling is real.
Do you have someone you can talk to? I guess we count here on TS, so that’s nice. Any family or friends you can talk with?
It’s heartbreaking to hear those words coming from a place of pain and abandonment. He’s speaking the language of abandonment because he’s lost hope (for the moment at least) in himself; and without hope & purpose in oneself & ones life, it’s hard to feel it for others.
Abandonment is a two way street, and in my experience it starts in the heart, in our relationship with ourselves, our sense of life and growth and mission. (These are all things that are part of addiction recovery programs, by the way 
)
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I have people but everyone’s going to bed and me also soon. I also don’t know how much more I should process it. I’m not good at just letting things go but I know he is hurting and he needed to say what he did. I’m not thinking crazy lol I know he isn’t leaving. I know we will work it out. Just was kind of a shitty thing to hear. But as I work through my feelings, I have to remember he is working his also.
I’ve been thinking about a recovery program but I’m not a fan of AA and I don’t need an in patient. Honestly, I know I am not ready to do steps past 1 and 2 I’m not ready to face what happens at inventory and admitting my short comings. I feel like I’m suppose to just jump in but I’m very uncomfortable. I almost posted about that instead but the hubby thing happened so it overshadowed
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It sounds like something about AA is unsettling for you, like it throws you a bit. What is it about AA that makes you think that?
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So I’ve been thinking about this most of the morning. At first I was going to tell you the stories of when I did go to AA and how put off I was. But I think it boils down to 1) I don’t believe in god and that seems to be what aa is wrapped around and 2) once I start then in my mind it’s a concrete decision that I will never had a drink again. And that just seems scary in a weird way. I will continue to ponder but I think these are the bases reason I’m hesitant
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God bless you
A not great episode of my hae (hereditary angioedema) is starting up. My joints and 1 hand are swelling up pretty bad. I’m glad today is a rest day in the plank challenge lol I’m gonna try and take a 1/2 day at work but if not I’ll just truck on. I probably won’t be on here much while I wait for this episode to pass. The meds make me irritated and a little loopy. Hope everyone is well.
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