The Lying and the Half-Truth's

Life in Recovery
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Soo,

I may be a bit late to the party with this one but this is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately.

I used to be a chronic liar.
Not just related to substance abuse mind you but also because it made my life that much more convinient.

That’s what I like to tell myself at least, and maybe that’s true for me.

Recently however I’ve been questioning this line of thinking. It seems to me that it’s more of a compulsion than a consious decision.

Like some kind of defence mechanism maybe?

I always used to like telling stories. (As you may have guessed by now)

There’s just something thrilling about knowing I got away with something.

My father used to say one thing about us siblings.
“One is an artist and one is just a storyteller.”

Maybe not word for word but you’ll get the gist.

And I think he is right about that.

Even as I write this all out it still seems so half-hearded.
Like I’m putting together a grocery list, instead of being vulnerable.

Maybe I’m not. Maybe I don’t know how to be.

Or maybe I’m mostly lying to myself. Who knows. :slight_smile:

I just wanted to know if some of you had similar experiences, especially regarding the subject of lies.

Maybe I need to reconfigure my brain on a more fundamental level for this feeling to pass.

I already have the tools at my disposal.
Years of therapy have given me exactly what I need.

All exept the will to use it.
Because self indulgence and lying to myself were just that much more convenient.

Until it wasn’t.

Anyways, I hope everyone is having a good week so far. And I’m sorry if this seems disingenious. I am trying. Consider this a work in progress. :slight_smile:

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Lying is easy until it isn’t. It’s convenient until it isn’t. Telling stories the same. In the end it all becomes terribly tiring, and tiresome, and frustrating, and complicated. Not only will you not know what lie you told to whom, you won’t even know what stories in your head are true and what are lies. Been there done that.

The good news is that an essential and fundamental part of Recovery is to learn to speak the truth. To yourself in the first place. Try it. You’ll be astounded as to the freedom and headspace you will find. Success

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Yep, indeed!

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Thank you and yes telling the truth to myself is the hardest part. Because I used to operate under the assumption that I was a good person.

A former friend of mine told me exactly that.
She found it “baffeling” that I still considerd myself to be a good person even after all the damage I caused.

Be it directly or indirectly.

Denial, it’s a wonderful thing.
I hope I don’t sound to snappy by the way. This early on I’m still just this version I’ve always been minus the booze.

It’s just a lot at the moment.
Thank you :slight_smile:

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We’re all both good and evil. And while we are shaped by genes and circumstances, still we can make choices for beter or for worse. Choosing sobriety and all that comes with it is a perfect example of that. You made a good choice. Now keep going. One day at a time for the rest of our lives. That’s living a good life. A life worth living. No games. Truth.

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I think its great that ur looking into this area. Ive actually thought about this myself. Yeara ago in the deep depth of my addiction, I was a pretty dishonest person. I used to lie often. Used to steal. Manipulate. They are drfinitly a trait of addiction. But in recovery, they didnt go away thay easily. The stealing/boosting was something I stopped easily. But Id catch myself lieing to others over the stupidest, smallest, most miniscule things! Like there would have been no real reason to have to lie, yet I did. I think for me it became an engrained bad habit from addiction. And i had to really focus on being honest in every aspect. It came down to be self aware and then making sure that what came out of my mouth was the truth. Maybe sometimes I lied bcuz i was worried how the other person was going to react but I really feel like the majority of my lieing was a bad habit.

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I think addiction makes liars of us all. I feel like living an authentic honest life is directly connected to my self esteem…if im not honest then that takes a battering and self esteem is something that i work hard on in my recovery and continue to do so because i feel like it was a contributing factor of my addiction.

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Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.

I can relate in some way, although I am not much of a liar (I get too stressed remembering the details and my face just shows it all). However, I am a huge people pleaser and in a way that’s not so much different from what you are saying. I always thought there’s not much harm in it, because I was mainly trying to make everyone feel good about themselves and that’s not such a bad thing, right? Although I realized of course it’s not in the best of my own interest to handle situations that way, at least morally I felt on the high ground. But then I came across this post here and it really shuffled something in my head.

I think lying, half-truths and people pleasing as a “well intended” lie of sorts are really just ways to avoid taking responsibility for our own actions and ultimately for ourselves. I am grateful for this moment of ego check. It gave my process of healing a huge push forward. Keep working you recovery - you’ll be surprised where it may take you. :orange_heart:

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