Does anyone else randomly seem to unlock memeories from when you were in active addition? I’ll just be happy. Minding my own business and something triggers a drunken memory that until that very moment didnt exist or barely existed. Like little things from nights where you were blackout or almost blackout…sometimes this happens with things where I clearly remember making a poor decision others are like all of a sudden hey remember this dumb sh*t you did too? Im struggling dealing with some of the guilt and embarassment from those times. Most of them are just embarassing things but there are a handful of things ive been trying to process where I’m thinking to myself wow… you were a really shitty friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, etc… for that… i have a very small circle and ive made ammends with everyone and weve all kind of worked through everything. I dont want to go back to someone i hurt and already talked to and be like oh yeah i also forgot i did this too. That seems selfish in a way. Like they already moved on… bringing it up and hurting/bothering someone with it now because I’M needing validation or forgiveness i cant seem to give myself seems wrong to me. Idk. I’m just in a weid place with it. Any advice?
My advice is to just know that you’re not that person anymore. You will demonstrate this by your actions over time to your loved ones. Keep marching on and growing as a better version of yourself in recovery.
It comes out in my dreams. I’ll have a dream where I’m out with friends, they’re having a drink and I order one too, or remind myself that I don’t anymore.
The blackout paranoia is intense. Probably very emotional and traumatic. Shame and guilt. Remember, emotions are tied heavily to memory. Those are probably very emotionally charged things, understandably.
I don’t unlock new memories, but things that I remembered, and then have subsequently forgotten, pop up again. If you have already made direct amends, then putting energy into living amends is one thing you can do. Could you do something extra to help out the sister / parent, etc? Or just put some kindness out into the world in general?:
Hey KC.
Just a note to say you’re definitely not alone experiencing memories popping up, I think it’s part of the healing process. Here’s me asking a similar thing when I was a month in -
28 days sober and unpleasant memories resurfacing. Normal?
I’m nearly 6 months sober now and I don’t experience this as intensely now. It does settle down. X
Yes, my cringe memories still come up from time to time. I allow myself that moment of shame for my past actions and store that memory away in my every growing list of reasons I don’t drink anymore. It can also be helpful to actually say out loud “I don’t do that anymore”.
We can’t change those past moments but we can try to guard against their re-occurence. They do hurt to remember.
Thats a really good idea 
That is really good to hear 
I’m glad to read this. One week today and the shame memories still surge through my body, physically and mentally painful
I’m doing my amends steps right now and my sponsor has advised me (for the ones I think would be harmful to recipients) to write letters but not send them. You can address the letters to the people but you don’t deliver them; the purpose is just to get it out. After writing the letters I will share them with my sponsor.
Amends should be helpful to people; if they’re potentially harmful then you can still do them in letter form but don’t deliver them.
Congratulations on your week milestone.
Hang in there, it does get easier. I remember how intense the feelings were, it was like experiencing them for the first time. It’s as though they needed to be properly ‘felt’ to be processed. I’ve put it down to part of the healing process. 
X
Thank you Louloubelle
I have memories and I have a lot of remorse but I have come to the conclusion that I have to live with them.
As for forgotten memories in my case, what happens is that when I meditate, some of them do emerge. And I think this is good because in a way it helps me clean my interior.
Sometimes we have the interior dirty because we don’t clean it enough. The fact that these memories that we thought were forgotten surface is good because on the one hand they put us in a situation of what we have gone and on the other hand they also prepare us for the future so that they don’t happen again.
It definitely gets easier. But theyve been sneaking up on me lately.
Thats a really good way to look at it. Thank you!
I have tons of memories of being an absolute prick. I’ve also got tons of memories where I was completely lost, alone, frightened and then others where it actually wasn’t so bad (which is a little taboo to talk about sure).
You’re can’t erase or forget your past - and why would you want to? God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change