Today is a new day my friend. Keep your head up and forgive yourself. We can’t live in a world of regret and yesterday’s. Try to look forward. I know these feelings you have all too well and they will eat you alive.
Thats amazing i am in a similar boat with my partner not drinking is basically what has been needed to save our relationship well worth it
I left a 15 year relationship prior to this one for this exact reason. He was actually hospitalized in ICU for liver failure and I told him if he drank again I’d leave. He was sober all of 6 months and am stayed another 3 years but I did get sober. Never thought Id be in this situation again only this time we’re married. I do believe it will destroy our relationship if we don’t stay, rather GET sober as its only been 4 days… Either that or one of us will be a widow from drinking ourselves to death. Gawd forbid if it were due to a fight.
Alcohol completely destroyed my relationship. I absolutely had to give it up to salvage anything that was left. My husband literally had his bags packed.
It’s been 35 days now and things are slowly starting to heal.
Like @Gemstone123 told me- you just have to work on yourself until the present becomes the past, and then your partner will begin to feel more comfortable and not just reacting based on past abusive behavior.
You can do this!
I get angry about nothing easily and I always turned straight to booze- usually whiskey and it always turned into trouble. I’m 110 lbs. if you met me sober you’d be shocked to see how I can act when I combine anger + alcohol. It’s like the Incredible Hulk. I’ll destroy stuff, smash windows, try to fight grown men, I once destroyed and entire glass greenhouse and all the pots inside while blacked out. I just smashed the shit out of it with a metal chair.
When I worked at a bar one time I threw ALL the glassware on the ground, destroyed it all and walked out. The only reason I kept my job was because the boss was cheating on his wife and I knew about it.
I’ve done this stuff in public many many times while others watch in horror.
This is not who I am- this is not who YOU are. It’s the reaction to a substance. Keep that in mind while you’re sorting through your feelings from your recent blackout. You don’t have to identify with that destructive person.
I see a counselor twice a month to sort through my underlying anger issues and if you have the means it can really help.
Feel better friend, try to keep your head up, we’re all here for you.
It did indeed turn me into a crazy freak! Sometimes I’d get blackout out at work events and say really lewd terrible things to strangers who were my customers. I once tried to fight someone because they didn’t have a cigarette for me to bum- they weren’t even smoking and we were indoors!
Thank you for sharing. Take one day at a time. I just started yesterday. I’d been sober for a few weeks last month, and thought I was fine to drink again. I’m not and will never be. I can say that living sober is the best feeling. I want that feeling again and will no longer drink. Experiencing shakes and depression is normal. It takes time for our body and mind to adjust to living sober. You will be much happier living sober! Maybe attend an AA meeting and find a sponsor.
Thank you for sharing☺
It’s sad we have so many stories of the “Night before I quit drinking”.
Yet we continue to find something in Alcohol to bring us back for another attempt!
Friday night! I start the night off with 3 back to back shots of Captain Morgans. Proceed to a family outing to watch Fireworks. I’m not even close to being buzzed. Meet up with a wife’s colleague and family to enjoy the festivities.
After the event we go back to their house. Have a few more drinks to include 2 shots back to back absinthe, the real deal sugar cubes and all. I drink another 1/3 bottle of vodka. We all convince each other we needed to do an impromptu party.
Next thing I know there’s a good 20 people floating around. The colleague literally has a bar in his house! One point, I remember walking down from the bar. Seeing my wife completely passed out on the ground. My oldest daughter picked up her younger siblings earlier.
Next thing I know the host at the partying is trying to convince me to go sleep it off. I’m like I’m not going anywhere my wife is passed out on the ground. A fist fight ensues. We get separated.
I get back to our residence. For some reason I decide to hit the alarm panic button, and forget the code in my drunken stupor.
Of course the cops show up to ensure there’s no one in danger. I answer the door drunk and somewhat bloodied from the fight earlier. I get questioned like I don’t live there, while I have four cops searching for an intruder. Ultimately I’m told I need to sleep in the car. Sounded like a set-up. Marched to neighbors house think god he let me sleep on his couch.
I think I have more stories after this one.
Wow…your story sounds so much like mine, minus the crowbar and blow torch. Good for you! A month is a long time. I’m sober for four days and am so happy. I love other people’s stories, as well. They give me hope.
It also helps me to hear other people’s horror stories. In a way, it helps me accept and realize the true horror of my own actions. I am so upset and embarrassed about doing/saying terrible things when blackout drunk but it’s so easy to brush it off and trick myself into thinking it won’t happen again. Partly because I don’t remember and partly because I’m forgiven for acting likeba fool. But it does happen again.
I had 2 weeks sober and then spent one Saturday day drinking with friends. I’d only planned on having a couple which went out the door as soon as I took my first shot. That night, in a blackout, I totally flipped out on my fiancé. I don’t remember much except I came out from the shower and he was gone. Didn’t answer my calls or texts until the next day. He said I put my hands on him. I wouldn’t even dream of doing something like that sober. I am a total Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde 90% of the time I drink. But I like to fool myself that next time will be different; next time I will be the nice, carefree, happy drunk. Unfortunately, the odds are not in my favor.
I know that I must work daily to be sober otherwise I’ll lose everything.
Oh man dogboi your story- intense. I felt like I was there. At times I have been. More times than I care to recall but as you said- to remember the-or any of the destructive results that come from giving into the bottle whisper, the last time we drank and chose to let the ugliness of that experience stop us from repeating it, than I think that is a blessing and a gift. If we choose to continue to drink and there are never any repercussions than we would always remain sick and unhealthy without ever realizing our demons deep inside. That last time may in the long run have been right on time. What a great topic- thank you for a most important reminder. It shows your strength and your growth and your self respect. I know it helped me!
This chaotic situation is unfortunately familiar to me. It was always particularly rough when the cops were involved…all because I chose to have one drink, that always led to 10, 15, 20…CHAOS and blackout.
I feel like it took me so long to get control of my life simply because I never remembered my blackouts, I only had a vague inkling of what really happened, so it was easy to brush off. If I felt particularly terrible I’d just get wasted again, usually with the same people so it felt “normal.” Sometimes I’d wish for them to do something stupid too so I didn’t feel so alienated, which was so incredibly selfish.
@whitedoves 40 days later I’ve come to realize that horrific night was indeed a gift. There were SO many nights of terror like this for me, the harder I tried to moderate my drinking the worse they got. My self esteem had been diminished to nothing but I didn’t understand why, I just knew I’d done terrible things I didn’t remember. It was hard for me to say no to booze because I felt like I had no reason to, I was that low. I feel myself creeping back into my body bit by bit now. It’s a weird feeling, I feel happiness coming back. I’ve been tempted to drink but then I pull that video up on my phone and it’s a huge slap in the face.
I hate to say it, but i do 5-7 AF days, 10-12 AF, 90AF days for the last 2 yrs. I’ve been searching for moderation with horrible results! In fact, the longer I’ve went the worse the binge! It’s like my subconscious is saying we might not get Alcohol for another 90 days! So consciously you need to make the decision not to drink!
You can outsmart yourself! Rather your drinking or not! Your constantly in a battle with your conscious and subconscious.
Consciously you know the outcome: Drunk, might miss work, hangover, mental and physical health, blackout, regrets, what lies will have to come up to get me out of this, broken promises, re-making promises. The list goes on why not to drink.
We need to keep our guard up! Please give me a list to drink?
Your struggle and your strength is shining through. I know how hard it is. Thankfully most days are easier than the tempting days. On a daily basis when I’m tempted I still take 3 minute intervals for distraction until it passes. I never was able to do that before. Also-
Engraved in my brain- just as your video, when I got my dui 6 years ago I asked to see my 20 minute booking video. I didn’t even recognize my self. I was in and out of blackout since the on scene arrest until the middle of the night when I awoke on the freezing cold bench of this huge jail cell.
In watching the video the 2 days later of myself and the interaction with the arresting officer- I HAD to learn what happens in our brains for this alienation to take us over. I have studied, did IOP, one on one, group and daily self help study to learn about the physiological effects of alcohol in our brains and bodies and it brought a whole new meaning and definition to addiction. It’s endless and I learn something new everyday. That dui and that video was my gift. I hope you keep enjoying the new you- or the happy you breaking through!!
Thank you for your transparency. I have a video tape of myself and I look at it from time-to-time to help remind me of how far I’ve come. It is also a reminder that I NEVER WANT TO LOOK LIKE THAT AGAIN. Congratulations on your decision to embrace a sober life.
Thank you for sharing. It took a lot of courage to do so ️
Thank you so much for sharing. I too like to read and hear about other people’s stories, because sometimes it feels like you are alone, you are the only one who has a problem with alcohol, but that’s just not the case. I have my own fair share of crazy stories from when I was drunk, some of which were told to me the next morning by other people because I couldn’t remember. I got into legal trouble too, multiple DUIs and I was arrested (not convicted thankfully) for slapping my (now ex) boyfriend in the face at a bar. I don’t even remember doing it, I also don’t remember getting in my car to drive each time I got my DUIs. The shame I felt after all those arrests led to multiple suicide attempts, and more drinking. I became a crazy, emotional, impulsive bitch when I drank, and if I didn’t stop drinking completely, I was going to wind up dead, in a psychiatric hospital, or in jail for years. Keep on going and stay strong, we are in this together.