Hi. I would like to share my story. I’m 37 years old and on May 10tn I found out I have beginning stage of liver failure!! At 37!!! I’m so mad at myself! I have a 9 year old daughter, so I have no choice but to never have a drink again… I honestly didn’t think I had a problem until recently when I started having panic attacks but I would have a drink when I got home and felt better. I’ve always been around alcohol since I have worked in Bars and restaurants since I was 18. I see coworkers doing the same as me after work, so it felt normal.
May 9th was the day I realized something isn’t right. I woke up bloated ( looked pregnant), looked in the mirror and my face and eyes had gone YELLOW!!! I started to panic, this can’t be happening to me, I’m young!
I have a picture I’m gonna post. Not even my best friends have seen this photo. I’m not proud. I’m angry! I can’t die young, I have to be there for my daughter. I feel like I have failed as a mother. I don’t have many people to talk too. Not even my husband bc he’s drinking still. Normally I’m not an angry person but I am now!
Welcome Nikki! Congratulations on 3 weeks!
Glad you found us and thank you for sharing your story. Come here often to read and interact. I’m looking forward to walking this path with you.
@Nikki84 thinking of you, mama. I know it’s so scary right now, but hopefully it’s the beginning of a new healthier chapter for you. Keep updating here. Sending you love.
Welcome Nikki it’s shocking to realize these things but it’s a wake up call and that is a good thing.
You’re right that you can’t drink again - or more specifically: the consequences of drinking again are bad, so bad that you choose not to drink again. You choose to be healthy and grounded, because that is what keeps you alive, for the people you love (which includes yourself).
24 hours at a time is all any of us have. It’s all any human has - so really, being sober, you’re just learning how to be present and “ride the wave” of life like any other human needs to, without the numbness of booze.
The good news is this is a new chapter of learning and growth! You are going to come out of this stronger.
Hang around here on Talking Sober and see what TS has to offer. There’s so many good threads!
Maybe check out a sober group too. For me it made a huge difference and I have close friends now that I made in that group, when I started my journey. Sobriety groups are a significant help for many people getting healthy and grounded, because it’s a space we can learn new mindsets and new ways of living in the world, without running to booze for escape. There’s so many good options:
This is a big choice but it is your choice and it is a necessary choice. Yes you are changing and there is something you need to cut out of your life, but the positives are so, so much better than what you give up. One day at a time
Keep us posted! Check in here and stay connected. You are not alone.
Welcome to the forum and what a tough beginning, but what a very motivating reason not to drink.
The body is a strange thing. Some people seem to eat and eat and stay very thin while some simply look at a picture of a cake and gain weight. Some people down copious amounts of alcohol for years with only moderate health problems and others drink less than that and their bodies break down easily. There are so many comparisons we could make. It can feel frustrating and unfair.
I don’t think you’ve failed as a mother. I’ve worked bars and restaurants, and I know the culture. If you’ve worked in it since you were 18, then it would feel normal. You’ve done what you thought was what everyone did. You’ve done the best you were aware to do until you were presented with a different view.
All we can do in life is take the moment we are living in and make that the best we know how to make it. We can’t undo the past, but we can create a new future. You’ve been presented with something really difficult, but you are still alive and have the ability to be there for your daughter.
Maybe you die in a year or maybe, through medical intervention, you live another 30+ years. In a way, you’ve been given a gift. Any of us could die tomorrow of something unknown, but most of us live our lives as if there will always be another tomorrow. But you have been reminded of the fragile state of mortality, and as such a fire has been lit inside of you. It could be that however much time you have with your daughter from this point forward become her best memories of you because of how you chose to live your life.
I don’t know that I could truly understand what you’re going through right now, but I can empathize with how horrible of a burden this must feel on you. I’m glad you found this forum and I hope you will find resources you need and people to connect with to help you on this new path of your life.
Hi Nikki! My brother has cirrhosis, my dad died of my disease at 42 and so did/will a shit ton of other folks.
In my line of work I see folks live many many years after being diagnosed with cirrhosis as long as they don’t drink booze.
See, we all get a card…Some folks get the diabetes card, others the cancer or dementia one. The list is ugly & long.
Most important thing we can do today is not drink. We don’t need or have to ever again. It’s that simple! Hugs & glad you’re here with us. Oh yeah, please stay the hell away from tylenol too.
Thank You!! YES on the Tylenol, they told me 100 times while in the hospital. It sucks bc am in so much pain do to my stomach being so big. I’m ready for it to go back down. Also sorry to hear about your family.
it’s shocking to realize these things but it’s a wake up call and that is a good thing.