The second year and its own daunting moments 😥

[desert_rose]

It’s been a strange few weeks since I hit the one year milestone.

I felt like I was reaching calm waters - finally - but have been through an emotional rollercoaster since then. It’s scaring me a bit. It’s scaring me a lot.

I bought and listened to “We are the Luckiest” audiobook, to activelly continue working on my sober journey. Cried and cried when I heard the last chapter, as everything resonated with me so strongly.

The author’s description of the “big energy” waves that she felt in early sobriety was what got me. Those bursts of some sort of impulse, energy, something difficult to explain or know what to do with was sometimes too strong for me to bear. Running got me through some of it, just like the author. She thought that one thing she was trying to do with drinking was to supress this big energy. Push it down. Survive it. I think - no, I KNOW - that was what I was doing, too.

So where do I go from here? I feel so confused, it’s like going through my teenage years again. I have some energy that has been supressed for a long time and now I have no idea what it is supposed to be directed to. I feel like I need to look through everything in my life and assess what serves me and what doesn’t anymore. I feel like I need to re-evaluate my relationships with friends, family, work…

I’m truly, deeply scared that I may find that I need to let go of some things - or relationships - that were really important to me until now.

In the beginning I was overwhelmed by “forever” until I realized there was no such thing. There was today.

Now I’m overwhelmed to think of how I need to “clean up my life” to fit who I am now. I would appreciate any thoughts on how to get through this phase in a good way

[Misokatsu]

If I knew I would tell you, I am feeling similar. For me, in that first year, all my energy went into going sober, getting through the steps. It was hard, but it was satisfying. In my second year, I relished the calm, cherished the everyday. Now in my third year, I am feeling what you describe. Having energy but not knowing what to do with it. Feeling like lots of things don’t really work for me anymore, but feeling stuck and frustrated. I relate to the feeling of wanting to clean up my life. So sorry, not advice, but wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[desert_rose]

Thank you so much, it does help to know I’m not alone in this struggle.

My husband noticed when my drinking and “partying” and “happy hour’ing” increased the year when I started to try and control my alcohol use. When I finally told him I was in trouble because things were a bit worse than he knew and I just didn’t know how to stop, we took so many long walks. I needed them to vent about my frustration of having gotten myself in that predicament. His feedback for me was that a big part of why I was drinking was because I had this unfulfilled potential, this energy that I was trying to suffocate.

This was about 3.5 years ago.

As with you, I didn’t pay much attention to it the first year, because just not drinking each day and dealing with life without filters was a lot.

But now?

I’m so restless, so emotional, so…lost in a way.

I think I just needed to vent a bit. It’s been building up and I don’t want to go back to suffocating this feeling anymore. I just don’t know what to do with it.

[fl_flower_grl]

I just hit 11 months yesterday and could feel myself getting the same way. I actually ended up joining the luckiest club and going to my first meetings. I have actually really enjoyed it so far.

As for all the extra energy - I think I’ve always had that, big energy, big feelings etc but I’m being crazy drained at work rn so it’s a bit lacking.

I don’t have any advice for you just wanted to let you know you’re not alone.

I’ve drifted from people as well but I’ve also gotten close to others. Reassessing our friendships and needs is really tough but never a bad thing in the end.

Big hugs

[VSue]

I don’t have any advice or anything, only to share my own similar experience. I remember being all set to celebrate my first year but instead there was a sort of cloud over it. The days leading up to one year was depressing, then the actual day was blah, and I was in a funk for weeks. This made me sad to think that a huge accomplishment was ruined by these feelings. But I’m coming to accept that this is life. Not everything is a parade. I’m still sober and that’s what matters most. Now I’m 4.5 years sober and it still isn’t a parade but I have more happiness around because I stopped looking for it.

I know this isn’t exactly how you’re feeling, but I just wanted to share similar emotions regarding such a huge milestone. You don’t need to have it all figured out yet. The great thing is that you have the rest of your life to find out.

Oh yeah, and CONGRATULATIONS ON ONE YEAR!!

[SassyRocks]

Oh my goodness, yes, a year/milestones and the BIG ENERGY and oh wow, so much else is here now that alcohol is not. There are a lot of things that percolate up once we remove the alcohol.

Push Off From Here is an affirming follow up to We Are The Luckiest, if you are looking for another read.

I think many of us have been / are / in that space. Where do we go from here…what is all this BIG ENERGY. “I know more change is needed, what is it…”

For myself, that first anniversary was big and I felt weird around it for awhile. And yes, that first year was so much of I MUST NOT DRINK. That is early sobriety. The second year still contained I MUST NOT DRINK, but a little less easily triggered…a little steam was released there. And I delved deeper into my WHYs and that brought up a lot. A lot of changes happened in a variety of areas in my life.

I settled into sobriety and recovery more as time continued and I was able to look at my stuff and self and WHYs and what nows and start implementing some changes where I wanted/needed.

All that continues of course, these several years later. That is life. Ups and downs. How do I get thru xyz without xyz. Learning to feel and be okay with that. Learning to try to stay in discomfort and know it won’t kill me. Forgiving myself and others when possible. Letting go, a lot. Finding who I am now after decades, a lifetime, of who I was. Just being open to today. Present.

All the little things in life that add up to big change. Recovery.

No answers for you. Just the, yes, BIG ENERGY, big feelings, big questions along with the struggle of early sobriety.

I like to remind myself that I don’t have to solve all my stuff, you know? Sometimes it is just feeling it and letting it go. And some things just ebb and flow, ebb and flow. Idk…rambling now.

Be gentle with your self. Life is a journey of one day at a time. And congratulations again on your year!!

[LeeHawk]

Hi there! You aren’t alone in what you are going through. It’s very common, as you can see from the replies. I’m very strict about getting my long daily walks in (about 15 miles a week or more depending on weather). I also rely heavily on community support, including The Luckiest Club founded by Laura McKowen. I’ve been there since she founded it three years ago. The community support is amazing and the topics address exactly what you are dealing with.

[desert_rose]

Congratulations on your 11 months and thank you for sharing…I might look into the Luckiest Club.

I’m very intimidaded by meetings, as I’ve never called myself the “A-word” and not sure I ever will. It’s been a work in progress to define what I am. I’ve mostly written here in the forum, but not really talked to anyone irl about my sobriety (except for a couple of sentences to my husband).

Reassessing friendships…yes. Very tough. I’m afraid some will not last once they realize I’m not just taking a break, but I do not want alcohol in my life ever again. Very, very tough. And then there are the friendships that you realize are a tad bit more toxic than you thought before…or you tolerated not being treated very nicely because you messed up from time to time (when drinking). But you love these people, right? So realizing things are not as raibow-colored as you saw with the alcohol lens hurts. Not sure what comes next.

[desert_rose]

Exercise has always been something that centers me, and to go 3 consecutive days without it always ended up in a bad note…so I do prioritize it now more than ever.

In the beginning I ran and I ran. Since January I have injured my heels and now I’m walking or lifting weights. It helps a lot to channel that energy somehow.

I will look up the resource you mentioned…if it addresses these questions, I’m sure at the very least it will give me some ideas on what to do next

[desert_rose]

@SassyRocks

Push Off From Here is an affirming follow up to We Are The Luckiest, if you are looking for another read.

I downloaded it to my Kindle this morning!

I think the first book that really shook me to my core was “This Naked Mind” (and I read the “Easy Way to Control Alcohol” right after, which is about the same ideas). I needed to change the way I viewed alcohol, to understand what it was scientifically doing to my body. To get that it really does not bring anything good. That philosophy was my life raft in the beginning.

Now, for an absolute random chance I picked up “We are the Luckiest”…it made me think about my whys and my direction in such a profound way. I found myself going over and over again through some passages. I cry easily, but this book really made me crumble because it put a mirror up to my face so many times.

I need to remind myself to slow down and that there is not a timeline to have it all figured out. Maybe I never will…maybe figuring it out doesn’t even exist, and all I can do is do a little bit better each day. Look who’s rambling now

[SassyRocks]

I love your thoughtful rambling. I know I can get caught up in the striving, trying ‘to fix’ me, figure life out. Keeps me non present. So I try to come back to my moments, you know? Not avoid or ignore the stuff I need to work thru…but it also doesn’t need to be my life anymore. That is one of the things sobriety and recovery bring me…being okay with being…letting go of the pursuit. Of course that is also from age I think as well. (Ramble ramble).

And I had the same experience with those books…This Naked Mind is one I often recommend, along with Quit Like A Woman…they definitely opened my eyes and helped me understand more the reality of my drinking (as if being suicidal and a freaking mess mentally was not enough). This Naked Mind planted a lot of seeds that continue to grow.

Sobriety and recovery are such different mind spaces and relationship to self. An exciting journey of discovery!!

And heck yeah, slow down and enjoy the fruits of your sobriety!!

[siand]

Ahhh milestone malady is totally a thing and yea I think especially after hitting that first AMAZING milestone (whoop whoop! ) there is a definite… what next.

I remember @meggers saying that she had heard the first five years being early recovery. That helped me. And even as I approach five years I realise I still have a shit ton of stuff to work through. Some of it was probably there when I stopped drinking. Some of it is new!

Rather than worrying too much about that I personally find it best to remember that this is just the ebbs and flows of life. Some things will resolve on their own, some may need action, some things might not resolve in the way I want ot expect them to. Who knows! There is a balance to be found I think, between re-evaluating and just living. Finding the balance is, for me at least, where the work is.

So yea, I have found giving myself permission to put things down and let them be unresolved and trust that I will attend to things when I need to has been important. As has being mainly OK with understanding there is no right thing, only what we do!

[siand]

@SassyRocks

I know I can get caught up in the striving, trying ‘to fix’ me, figure life out.

For me, this is often a symptom that something is a bit off with my state of mind. When I try and fix from this place I never seem to get anywhere. Letting it pass usually seems to end up being fine and then if there is an actual thing to do then I can do it when I am a bit more even.

[desert_rose]

@VSue

You don’t need to have it all figured out yet.

I guess this is the part in which we learn to be patient. That has never been my forte. If there is something to fix, I’ll throw myself at it until it is fixed. This is the one thing (among others) that cannot simply be “fixed” by sheer stubbornness or willpower.

I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this

[fl_flower_grl]

I completely understand what you’re saying about friendships and relationships

And I was nervous about meetings too (or skeptical?) idk. My dad was sober most of my life without any “help” and I admired that. But then I realized by dad was stubborn as hell and I don’t have to do sobriety the same way as him!!

I also don’t use “the A word” but instead feel I have problematic drinking for me. I guess that’s one in the same? Again. Idk. Just trying to figure out my way in this already messy life, without making a bigger mess

[desert_rose]

I feel the same as you about meetings…my dad had to stop drinking after a massive health scare and never touched a drop after that. Cold turkey, no meetings and no support group. I certainly couldn’t do what he did - I tried.

I know I developed a physical dependency on alcohol and it changed the wiring of my brain. I’m no longer dependent on alcohol. But the change in the wiring is not something I think can be changed back, and I’m not willing to take the chance. In the end, we all describe ourselves in a way that is comfortable for us, but we are all similar, no matter how we call it

I may sneak a peak at the Lucky Club meetings simply because if they address these big questions I have now, it might help. Or I may feel like I’m not losing my mind after all. Is there an option to just listen first?

[LeeHawk]

You can leave camera off. You are always muted unless you raise your hand to share. Many don’t until they get comfortable, if ever. It addresses all that you are talking about now and what’s to come in sobriety. Lots of newcomers and people with decades of sobriety. Laura hosts a Tuesday morning meeting.

[Mno]

It’s not the easiest of roads we’re on, but it’s a good one. A positive one. A road forward. We’ve given ourselves the chance to grow, to evolve, to move forward. We can never go back to what and how we were before but that’s not bad. We change as does everybody and everything around us. Without the alcohol we’ve taken back the power over our lives and instead of a slow descent into oblivion we actually can change the wiring in our brain again, not back to how it was no, but into a better state for sure. Working our lives one day at a time. Scary yes. Worth it absolutely! X

[GenG]

This topic nailed what I’ve been thinking about. I’m too early into sobriety to really comment with anything meaningful. But I’m definitely taking stock of where my life’s at with sober eyes and I’m none too happy with it. I know a lot needs to change, but if I try to do too much at once, I know it’s gonna backfire, so I need to be careful. I didn’t get here overnight, so I can’t expect to fix everything overnight. Sobriety is still #1 because I’m only on day 24.

I would like to read more on how things are going for those dealing with these thoughts who have more sober time than me.

Take care everyone.

[LeeHawk]

Hey Gen! You absolutely should be posting on any thread you want to, regardless of sober time.

Based on your post, you sound exactly like I did early in. I experienced the same. The less I tried to “force” my recovery, the better. What I did do, and still do to this day, is stick to my recovery practice/routine. I just stayed on the path. Growth and progress came to me at the right time, in the ways I needed it most. You are doing it right, friend. ODAAT is a lifestyle, and a fulfilling one at that.