The story of my ups and downs

Relapses
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Hey there I am writing because I would like to get my story out there. I have been an avid meth user for 16 years, the longest period of sobriety I have accomplished is 9 months and that was forced sobriety being on federal probation. I have been to the point where I lost everything I had, I have been homeless sleeping behind 7-11’s, I got involved with a gang, I acquired charges state and federally, I was down for 18 months, I have had some serious trauma that’s also led to my consistent relapses like domestic violence that led to my face being broken and hand. Childhood trauma. I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder, major depressive disorder, panic disorder, PTSD, ADHD, and major anxiety. It’s been an up and down battle. After my abusive relationship that ended in broken bones I wound up pregnant. I’m not proud to admit but I used meth on and off throughout my pregnancy and it’s been a up and down battle. I will get 10 days clean then go out and buy again with the last of the money I have, use heavily for a week straight then try the withdrawal method and clean time again and every time I get to about 10-15 days before I relapse again. I just restarted my clean time as of today April 12 again. I really have hopes of staying sober this time, I can’t do this anymore, I can’t feel like this anymore and I can’t keep living this lifestyle. I have a beautiful 17 month old boy to be the best I can be for, I’m currently taking college classes online that I need to be on my A-game for, and I need to love myself and be there for myself for the first time in my life.

Does anyone have any advice for me that would be useful for a positive outcome rather than another downfall?

Thank you :slight_smile:

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Hey there @bluublondi and welcome to TS. Thanks for sharing your experience. You’ve been through tough times, but I see strength and determination to begin a sober path.

What’s YOUR plan? to stay sober? Checking in daily to maintain focus #65 and Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #6 are popular threads to keep you focused and accountable. Attending meetings are also key, as doing it alone is tough.

Have a read around here. Take it ODAAT, you’ve got this!

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Welcome to the forum Becky! Glad ur here with us!
Sounds like youve been through alot, but i can still sense ur hopefullness for a bettwr life. My most recent DOC wasnt meth but at one point of my addiction many years ago, meth was the drug I struggled with. I remember how hard it was to come off of that drug. But its not impossible! Have u ever tried a 12 step meeting? I went to NA meetings everyday ans that helped alot!! If u cant make it to an in person mtg, there are also online 12 step meetings through the Intherooms app.

Its important to have a plan for when u get triggered or have urges to use. Write down ur reasons why u quit and review those reasons during hard times. Remind urself that ur little one needs a clean and sober mom :heart: My son was and still is my biggest motivation to stay clean and sober.

Find distractions… anything that can help u pass the time during a craving. Its important to remember that the craving doesnt last. It feels like it lasts forever in the moment, but once we stop focusing on the drug/craving, it does pass.

Come on here and vent/talk it out! This forum has been my biggest support in getting clean. But its important to come on here BEFORE u use, so that we can help u thru it.

Hope this helps a bit :slight_smile: look forward to u posting more in the future

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