Welcome back Megg. That is one hell of a story. You’re right - it’s good to share it.
Have you considered joining some online meetings? If you want to have a place to go, these help; it’s a safe space and you’re with people who understand and can use their experience to help you find a path.
There’s some links here Online meeting resources and this Zoom meeting is a 24-hour womens meeting, so it’s always open for you:
There’s also www.InTheRooms.com
Take care and don’t give up. You know what you need to do. You’re learning and you’re changing. Take it one day at a time.