hello. 23f. celebrating 18 months this month. during use i was a sex worker to fund my addictions. i was in complete insanity and did not think i would wake up the next day. it makes me feel better to tell you guys that i met the people online beforehand, IDs were screened, i never “worked the streets” per se never just went into a private area with a random person i just met on a dark street
i just got out of a strenuous relationship. my first in recovery. i don’t hide the sex work stuff, because i had thought that because i was sober and not doing it anymore i was a success story. i thought that because he was also a recovering addict and had done similar/experienced the same levels of insanity that drove him to do immoral acts, he would understand. unfortunately he did not, every time he was reminded of it somehow whether it come from me or something on the internet he would shut down and make me apologize. i ended up leaving and the word whore is all he can use to describe me, to my face and to his followers on the internet.
i really don’t know what to do. i feel tainted and unable to explain that i am living with a completely different mentality. it feels awful hearing on the internet (i have browsed reddit and other forums about this situation) that sex workers have a tainted mentality, they are undatable, they will never be wifeable. some tell me this is the consequences of my actions. but i don’t want to come to terms with the fact that i might never be relationship material to another man again unless i lie. and if anything were to ever happen, id then be a liar on top of a whore.
id like opinions from mostly men on what i should do. i hear from women that i will find a man who doesn’t care, but then i hear men tell me that anyone who doesn’t care is gonna be a loser and not husband material himself. i’m so lost.
Nobody should ever shame you for that. They are absolutely the wrong people to be around in your recovery.
You’ve made the changes to build a better life for yourself and that is what you should celebrate and focus on. And anybody who truly cares about you will do the same thing.
You were struggling with addiction and you were finding ways to cope and survive. Do not punish yourself. You’re just a human being trying to survive.
Stay away from anyone who tries to demean you for your past.
F— anyone who tries to shame you for your past. I know it’s vastly easier to say than to experience, but anyone who would do that isn’t worthy of you anyway.
You have been through a lot in your 23 years and you’re right to be hurt by this guy’s pathetic attitude. There are people out there who aren’t as immature and threatened as he is who will love you for exactly who you are. As you deserve. Don’t settle for anything less.
I‘m sorry you have to go through this. You can be so proud of yourself for the changes you made in your life.
Don’t give anyone the power to judge you. You know what you have been through. Nobody should make you feel bad about it. People who shame or judge you don’t deserve your love.
It’s them who have a choice: The choice to listen and learn something from you. If they choose to treat you mean and bad, they need to fuck off.
Stay here and connected, we don’t judge. We‘re in this together
For me (60 y/o male) the opposite is true. Judgemental assholes are not husband material. Fuck 'm. It’s true there are a lot of them. It’s not easy finding the right partner period. At least these SOB’s are weeded out already. Wishing you all succes lady.
BTW, I’ve been involved in sexwork as a teen myself. Bought weed and other drugs from it. Long story. Had a hard time accepting that from myself. I have. It’s part of me too. X
I know you’re young and also fragile at the moment. But remember you’re also brave and strong and you deserve nothing but to be respected and loved regardless of the choices you’ve made in the past that absolutely had nothing to do with him.
He is not safe for you to be around. You need to be around people who are not trying to punish or judge you.
He’s on his own journey and maybe someday he’ll realize the error of his judgments toward you, but that’s not your responsibility.
Take care of yourself first and foremost and do your best to fully accept that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Congrats on your 18 months sober this month! That is a big accomplishment!
I’m glad to hear you are no longer in that relationship with that judgmental dick-bag. Someone who shames you publicly or privately is not someone you should regret leaving, ever.
As someone who has been in a relationship with someone who earned a paycheck with sex work, I can tell you that the sex work did not affect how much I loved her. I didn’t judge her or believe that she was somehow “less” or “not wifeable”. Your worth is not bound to the sex work. There are people out there who can see that and who will treat you with dignity and respect!
I’d also recommend not going to Reddit for advice, as it is a cesspool.
I’m sorry you feel lost, I hope that sharing here will help, even if only a little. There are a lot of people here who want only the best for you, please remember you’re not alone!
When you find the right person, they will love you for you no matter your past. Words hurt, and I know the things your ex is saying and posting right now are hurtful but just know it’s more of their insecurities and a reflection of who they are as a person. We all make mistakes and shame on them for judging you for yours. You deserve so much better!!
Congratulations on 18mo, that is a huge accomplishment and something you should be proud of. Try not to let anyone bring you down. The right person will come along. Glad you are here.
Hi Mish!
First off, I wish I could give you a BIG hug. I read that you would prefer to hear from men about ur situation, but as someone who is also a former sex trade worker, I can tell you that your past does not define you. I literally had the same mentality when I quit sex work about 11-12 years ago. I felt damaged, tainted, unworthy, useless, and incapable of potentially being a mother and a wife. But here I am today with a husband and a 9 year old son. Dont let ur past or others views of u, deter u from having a happy and free and purposeful life.
When I moved provinces to get away from domestic violence and from the sex trade, i found myself struggling to find work. I was low on money and felt forced to turn tricks to survive. Like urself, I met the men online first (although IDs werent screened for me) and then would meet up with them in person to follow thru with the arrangement. I met my husband on a dating app one night and he saw right thru me. He knew what I was trying to do and didnt want any part of it. We spoke for a while online and on the phone. I eventually let my guard down and met up with him for supper at his place. I didnt leave his place for like a week lol. Ive been with him for just over 11 years now
It IS possible to completely transform ur life Especially now that ur clean and sober (HUGE congratulations by the way). The farther u get away from that lifestyle, the easier it becomes to not feel so trapped by it. I will never forget the things that happened to me in the trade, but its so far removed now that its just a memory. That can be the same for u too
I hope u continue to post. Thank u for being so vulnerable and honest. We are only as sick as our secrets. So im glad ur opening up here! Feel free to message me anytime. Im always here to listen and or give suggestions if u need
You’re doing a great job. Keep going. I’m sure that you are “wifeable”. Maybe more than most. You know the things that really matter and what doesn’t matter so much. So important.
55m here and I’ve been witness to many a lady speaker at a meeting voicing similar past work to support our disease. Common things are common… and shit, we all have past actions that are part of our history. The trick is finding someone who values us for all that we are, past-present & future to be written. Immature males (emotionally/mentally) are common too. I didn’t grow up till I got sober.
He’s out there. Be honest & selective and simply remember that you are a catch & deserve to be in a happy/healthy relationship.
This is a good topic… I definitely feel tainted as well I’ve done lots of stuff while high on meth that I wish I could take back. I’ve often thought that someone with a past like your would be the beginning of a perfect relationship almost like I could find comfort in the fact that someone else feels the same way I do when it comes to to sex and anything attached to it. If you ever want to chat feel free to message. Hope this helps you. You’re not a whore. You’re just you, whoever said that is just insecure and can’t handle it and has to hurt someone else to feel validated.
Glad you are here.
Especially now that ur clean and sober (HUGE congratulations by the way). The farther u get away from that lifestyle, the easier it becomes to not feel so trapped by it. I will never forget the things that happened to me in the trade, but its so far removed now that its just a memory. That can be the same for u too 
We are all here for u!