@SassyRocks
So, If we see something we think is rude or mean, even though it might not be, but we thought it was, can we just flag it and let you guys deal with it?
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Please only flag when you think something deserves a flag. When you think it brakes the rules that is. For other worries, messages or complaints it’s preferable to send a PM to @moderators
A flag is always visible on a member’s profile, also when it’s rejected by the mods.
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I implemented this quote into my mind, years ago. I love it and I wish that more people would use and live that.
For now all I can do is to be the change I want to see in society 
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Thank you.
Never thought of that.
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Wait… are flags visible on the public profiles?
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As Menno said, please flag posts you believe break the rules. I think Rule #1 is the one you may be thinking of…
If you are unsure, you can PM us to bring your concerns to our attention.
Part of all of our social contract with Talking Sober is we are all responsible for helping to make this place safe, welcoming and supportive.
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I can as a mod but I don’t believe others can. It has also to do with trust points earned and lost and I think flags are bad for your trust points even when they are rejected. But don’t pin me down on that as I’m no specialist in this matter. I have to go and update my knowledge, it’s rather complicated. Flagging only when you believe a rule is broken is sound advice anyway.
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Yes I guess so.
So if we think someone isn’t being civil.
Don’t flag it.
PM @moderators and one of you guys will take care of making the call.
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Flag it if you think it breaks a rule. If you really aren’t sure, PM us.
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May I step into the discussion as a frequent voice who calls @moderators in PM.
I am very careful to flag, I do flag rarely.
What I do is PM @moderators when I feel uncomfortable, see a post or thread that need attention (for whatever reason I explain) and also for moving “spot threads” into an ongoing topic.
I personally keep this PM thread/post under the topic “please have a look” so it is a continuing PM thread where I can reach out for help, report about things I think use a look from moderators or simply ask for information and help.
I really want to give a shoutout @moderators for their engagement and input as I have learned a lot over time from this conversations.
Please do not hesitate to PM @moderators on your concerns, questions, hints and ask them for input, opinion and help!! 
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Im gonna open my heart a little here…feel free to delete mods if required…this thread has bugged me since i saw it…because it made me feel guilty asthough id done or said something wrong so its made me re evaluate how i talk to people on here and what ive actually said to them, after alot of soul searching i feel like 14 months into my sobriety that maybe at times ive partly forgotten just how hard things are in the very early days of sobriety, that i wasnt logical in my thinking yet and that what i needed at the time was simple compassion from another human being because it was that that carried me through until i became more logical, i need to remember this and i will, i apologise to anyone who i might not have given that to.
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I think you are one of the kindest and most thoughtful posters here. Self reflection is always good but I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
I am like others and have struggled a little to engage recently as it has all felt very confrontational. One of the things contributing to that is not knowing how much to step in, step away. I really like the idea of being able to PM the moderators for advice in those times. Thank you
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I wasnt looking for reassurance but thank you for saying that Jenny, i just felt like maybe at times id forgotten just how bad it was…i know i did infact, maybe thats something our minds do to protect us but i have said from the very beginning of my journey that compassion was the only thing at the time that pulled me out of the horror i was in, its not like that for everyone but i remember being so lacking in that at the time it was what i needed xx
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I’m not sure if this is the place for this but I’ve thought of it the past few times I’ve been on this thread, if someone’s posts aren’t helpful you can also hide users. Its a setting under preferences and if I find myself cringing when I read someone or getting worked up I hide them for a while. I have also instructed new-ish members on how to hide people, if they are interested, if it seems like they are having unhelpful back and forth.
Just one more way to keep sober and civil.
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Hiding and muting members that get on your nerves are great tools for keeping your inner peace while being here. And all these are great contributions to this thread IMHO, @Starlight14, @JennyH and Emilie. Thanks for contributing 
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On Flags…as a “once upon a time” moderator…i will say what i noticed on flags. Very few people on here have been flagged where it would count negatively towards them. Those with an abundance of flags are the minority.
With that said, flag something if you think its warranted. The moderator team looks at each one carefully.
The overwhelming majority on here learn from their flags and grow. So if someone is worried about flagging another member, dont be.
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Very appropriate place for your insight and share @Starlight14. I think many of us can relate to looking back on things we have said and cringing / being ashamed / feeling guilty. I know I can.
And I don’t think I ever thought of it exactly that way before - so that is a helpful remark and reminder.
We are all human and self forgiveness and compassion are often needed as well. We learn and grow.
And I agree @TrustyBird and Mno, ignore / mute are very helpful features with people we do not mesh with.
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I agree, Ignore/Mute option for certain people could be a nice feature. It’s interesting, not that long ago, i was speaking in specific terms only folks with my issue can understand completely and made a post that a few people didn’t like. I could have easily be muted by some folks and muted there responses i didn’t care for. But then i realized something: I needed to stop and see there perspective, yes they dont understand 100% where i was coming from, and yet, learning to first empathize with others was a good exercise for me. I learned on this chat, i use the “check in” chat to do just that, check in and keep it moving. When i want to word ‘vomit’ specific to my issues, i have chats for that too with people who 100% lived in that world and get it. That’s what’s nice about this website i appreciate: We got folks from all around the world with a variety of problems we are all trying to get through. I love @Tragicfarinelli @Juli1, them my swimming partners. @JazzyS, always checking on folks. I miss @KevinesKay more than anyone, he’s helped me so much over the years deal with my struggles.
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I do the same. Recently I had to use that tool more often but it really helps me to feel less triggered.
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Not at all behaviors can be chalked up to being a new member or being in early sobriety. Those things shouldn’t be an automatic pass for shitty behavior. Sometimes people are rightfully called out by numerous members of the forum for the same behavior. If they end up leaving because they are unable to receive the feedback that’s not on the people providing the feedback.
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