THINK before posting and ask yourself is my response going to be received as:
Thoughtful
Helpful
Inspirational
Necessary
Kind
A few newcomers have been chased away by negative interactions. Everyone is welcome here and deserves respect and positivity, even those that are restless, irritable and discontent in early recovery. We were all new at one point and it’s easy to forget where we came from. Remember, not every post requires a response and if it’s against the guidelines, flag rather than condemn. If you disagree and feel the need to respond, please do so in a positive manner.
I remember feeling this way. I don’t really remember my first few posts. I’ve gone back and read them and they seem like they were posted by a completely different person.
I try to not post if I have nothing positive to add and I just scroll on
Thanks for this reminder! We want all the newcomers to feel welcome
I admit, I haven’t always been kind in my responses to people lashing out. I’ve since worked hard on pausing before responding and still have some more work to do. Progress not perfection.
I think we just want to share the joy of sobriety with everyone but not everyone is ready when they first come. There is a time and a place for tough love and it’s not always good in the early days. I remember feeling so sensitive and almost left the app but I stuck around cause I’m stubborn
For the record, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be harsh
“I’ve gone back and read them and they seem like they were posted by a completely different person.”
I relate to this one million percent…!
I remember feeling raw and vulnerable and I know I was overly sensitive and took things personally, but those were the early days for me. I’m so grateful the forum gave me the latitude to land on my feet.
Excellent reminder for all of us. I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth on a couple of occasions and felt bad afterwards, so I try to keep myself in check going forward. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this Lisa. As a moderator I believe we see this happen way more than members realize it does (most members approach us privately and ask to be deleted).
I don’t think some members truly grasp how many people simply leave after a less than supportive interaction. Early days are so so hard and uncomfortable and raw.
We won’t know any more of their journey, share their triumph or tragedy, be supported by them or support them. They are gone.
Not every post requires a response or a judgement. If you are triggered from your own past, it is okay to mute or ignore.
Kindness and compassion literally cost us nothing and can help a suffering soul feel connected. We all deserve that.
Great suggestion! Thanks @JazzyS.
I pinned it for a couple weeks. I think the way that works is it stays at the top until a member either clicks on it or dismisses it.
I’m still working on my application of THINK on my reactions to relapsing members, some of them many times over. It’s not my place -or anybody’s- to judge them. And they have just as much right to be here, and to get support as everybody.
And while it can be frustrating to see some people relapse again and again, it’s not helpful to be pedantic or patronizing. Indeed, when I have nothing supportive to say, it’s better for me to shut up and refrain from commenting. But I find it hard at times.
And I’m not saying that obvious faults in peoples thinking -like when it’s clear it’s addiction speaking- can’t be pointed out. I will and I do. But at least let’s do it in a THINK sort of way. And saying it once is enough.
I think that not only is it ‘okay’, but that it can often also be the healthier and more mature response. You are right on point.