Having all different types of addictions welcome here also adds an easy element for misunderstandings. For example me trying to relate and comment on a topic I don’t understand or have not experienced would do more harm than good.
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But not really.
Flagging is a last resort or for clear breaches of the rules which need immediate attention.
THINK FIRST is really great advice, particularly in matters which are sensitive, ambiguous, or potentially inflammatory. Context and interpretation are also important and our own experiences can colour our lens of interpretation greatly - which may not be the way everyone, or anyone, sees it.
Thanks mod folk. Love your work.
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I agree about THINK so strongly on this forum exactly because of the wide global reach, number of DOCs at play, different personalities and cultures. In some meetings, such as ACOA-DF for example, cross talk is NOT ALLOWED in many. As a damaged child or adult from a dysfunctional family or relationship structure it is often the case that your autonomy or voice has been dismissed, made fun of, diminished to the point you become small. I doubt even the biggest ego here would intentionally wish to make a hurt damaged person shrink into a victim again… Right?
Ego aside, it’s our responsibility to protect and welcome all from day one to lifers in this game with willing arms, a kind ear and fresh eyes. See something that deserves a flag then we get to use the flag.
Thanks to the moderators work in this forum, I can’t imagine how much work it is really.
I didn’t know about the pm function, I must admit. I’m glad I do now 
I think I will prefer to personally use that than put any boxing gloves on! 
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I think the call is coming from inside the house Derek 
Honestly i see a lot less of this (not that it doesnt exist and if people are being abusive or shitty, no early sobriety isnt an excuse i get that) thrn what this thread is actually about. No ones saying lay down for shitty behaviour. This thread is more about being respectful, compassionate and to watch advice giving and judgment (something like that). I was on a newcomer thread the other day where this woman was just being judged and given unsolicited and irrelevant advice. It was abhorrent and if she dont come back, its not at all because she was being a dick to anyone. Xo.
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Agree. And LOVE is part of tough love, if you dont have the love component in your relationship and approach then you are just handing out “tough”.
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I was on a newcomer thread this morning and a person was pouring there heart out about there addiction and instead of being understanding and you know, NICE, they decided to give some “Tough Love”. Here’s the thing: ITS THERE FIRST DAY ON HERE. Why go there? you know what the person needs? EMPATHY. KINDNESS. There was a back and forth and immediately the thread was deleted while i was trying to give a kind reply. I mean, THINK BEFORE POSTING. Empathy: being able to see things from my perspective and level with me. Encourage me. Nothing wrong with tough love, BUT GET TO KNOW ME FIRST. The person felt misunderstood and may never come back to this forum. Honestly i see the same names stirring up nonsense. I guess every forum’s got em.
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I think of it like: if youre meeting someone irl for the first time, do you need to go there?
I got sober at 20 in the rooms of AA and generally, people were very welcoming and kind. THEY WANTED YOU TO COME BACK. There was a no cross talk during the shares to prevent unsolicited advice, and i think generally it helped. Of course there were some who went around pulling peopke aside after meetings to do that anyway, but I learned to take what I needed and to leave the rest. Generally, peopke did not do that. Generally people listened, thanked you for sharing and invited ypu for coffee to get to know you better. I know this is online and not irl but think about how you may speak to someobe irl. There has to be a foundation of a relationship first, generally, for tough love to be accepted and effective. If youre spewing tough love at peopke who you dont have that connection with you are actually PUSHING THEM AWAY or they are LEAVING what you say where it belongs because it is not helpful. Xo. I appreciate your post and am sad for that newcomer.
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What’s worse: What if that interchange leads them to more shame/guilt and a relapse? They should ‘toughen up’??? We all need help, encouragement, and support. I find that TS is a place i can vent my feelings. I’ve learned there are certain chats i shouldn’t do that, as if you dont have my issues, you might not get it. But overall, this chat has been a great experience. I would hope we can keep it like that going forward.
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Hear hear!! I have had an amazing experience here as well, and havent actually had any crappy interactions at all. Its been sooooo wonderful for me. But I have seen them happen, and like you wish they didnt. The doors should be open, respect the vulnerability and bravery of the newcomers! The respobse I recieved from people was so warm, encouraging and welcoming. I am forever grateful for this place. Xo.
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Being told to toughen up is also patronizing af coming from someone you do not know. Some people, in my opinion up on a high horse.
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I saw this post and I couldn’t agree more with you
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@Lisa07 I think this is a great reminder, but in life, some people are very opinionated and feel the need to always share their opinions as a fact. I try to be respectful and I’ve had some people react to me in an unkind manner that has definitely turned me away. I look at posting is like texting, it’s easy to read tone in a post that may not be there. And it’s best to not ‘try to fix’ someone that has just started to reach out. Be kind, if you disagree, maybe don’t post. As my mom used to say ‘if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it’.
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I’m sorry that you’ve also had this experience @maxwell .
When I decided that having this as a resource was more important than not, after awhile since deleting my account, I immediately ignored those that I have not had the best interactions with.
I decide who is beneficial to me and who is unhealthy. No one else gets to do that for me 
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