Thank you Sassyrocks. I currently reserve all of my book reading for school, lol. But when I get done I will do some leisure reading again. Basically, this is my alternative to the time I used to spend on Facebook. For me right now that would be a trigger. I live in WI and 50-60 percent of my feed is easily people drinking, posting pictures in bars, and or pictures of their newest drink idea, oh and then there’s the people that are selling it. So I thought it would be best to stay out of there at least until after the holiday season. Seems to be the highlight reel this time of year. I don’t want to glorify, compare, even, or even just feel alienated because I’m not. This is safer than that. Here I can see that there are plenty of people who are sober. Even if it’s challenging. Plus, who can forgive better than someone who has messed up a lot themselves?
Oh yes, those days of reading nothing but textbooks…busy. 
I understand about living in a drinking culture, it is all around for sure. I found I had to baby my sobriety big time in early days…not going out or parties or get togethers etc…build up some sober confidence…it took time for me. And I didn’t mind taking more time for myself…less time drinking…it wasn’t easy and it was real different from what my life had always been…but it was needed. And yeah, people around here understand and know the shame and regret cycle intimately. I drank ‘functionally’ for a long long time and that shame cycle was all I knew. It is a relief to let that go.
Anyway…glad you are here and working on being a healthier you. 
So you have been to AA meetings as you seem to have a opinion so first hand experience if you havnt then dont tell tales out of school , ive been going for over 34 years and i havnt found what your saying happens . keep on trucking
I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying. Can you please clarify?
Ha Ha thought it would be over your head , keep on trucking
I have been to AA and I plan to continue to go. Which I am pretty sure I already stated. I’m not sure what you mean with your post though.
He was replying to @Cdeye as you can see on the corner right top of his post. He was responding to what Cdeyes said about aa, not your experience. But you see his reply pop up in your notifications because you created the thread.
Hope you all have a good Wednesday!
Thank you WCan for explaining how the site layout works. Have a good day.
Sorry i was replying to someone else , glad your going to AA and i wish you well on your journey keep us posted on your progress
Just to clarify, he was responding to the other person who posted about AA, not to you. You can tell this as his post is directed as a reply to this one…
I see I was a little late to the party with my clarification!!
Hmm, I think in the first days all that counted is staying sober so that my brain and body were able to work properly.
I remember when I was in therapy like 20 years ago for eating disorder there was this woman, girl, I cannot remember but she looked like an old women and she was at my table eating so poo damn slowly, cutting peas into halves, I swear it. Therapy was not possible at that stage as the body was only concentrating on not dying.
All the questions will come up and can be answered when time is ready, I think. I am also a big thinker. I can think in circles as I am just learning that I need connection to my heart and feelings.
I very often have a hard time expressing myself clearly when discussing something I am passionate about. Every experience I’ve had with A.A. has reminded me of the way I grew up. You must do it exactly as we say or you will fail. I was taught by both organizations that the only way to succeed in life was to do it exactly as instructed and that there are no other ways. I also felt like their compassion and support was very much conditional. I recognize that both organizations have helped people better their lives. But to teach people that you have the only path to a better life to me is wrong. I felt warmth and genuine kindness were reserved for my first time in a group or meeting and then it dissipated slowly from there. I tried it, went to meetings regularly, reached out to people for support, read the big book, got a sponsor, started my step work. It didn’t click for me. I also wholeheartedly felt that the individuals who were the most vocal about the benefits of A.A. were being paid by A.A. to promote it. I am very pleased that it has worked for you for so long. My grandfather and uncle are very involved in the organization. Whatever works for each of us. My intention was not to come across so hostile and ignorant. Please excuse my temporary insanity.
@Cdeye Thank you for sharing your experience. My first experience with AA didn’t go well either, that was 13 years ago. It felt very much that I was not allowed to have free will. So far that hasn’t happened this time. But I assure you if it does, I will not be last long. I stand up for what I believe in and I believe in free will. Perhaps there is a difference based on who is in the group. I appreciate you. I’ll let ya know if it gets weird or if I continue to have a different experience.
Nice reply and my experience is thousand of miles in another country and maybe a different approach your side of the water, be safe and i wish you well