Everything is trial and error. You can’t be perfection so try not to be so hard on yourself. Your doing great and obviously committed. Just try looking at one day at a time, it’s all any of us can do. Cliche yes but true none the less. I read about your journey almost daily and I promise your doing much better than you were! Keep it up dutchie…your doing great
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Thank you 
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Today was better than yesterday and that’s all that matters
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Good attitude and good job, I see a lot of “yes” answers on that one 
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After reading through this thread, I can see that a lot of what you fixate on/beat yourself up about is unhealthy. I personally used to refer to myself as perfectionist, when in reality I was living out a specific form of OCD on a daily basis. One of the best coping strategies I ever learnt was that its OK to not be perfect, or to not do things 100 percent correctly. I genuinely think you might really benefit from seeing a mental health professional based on my own similar experiences with this kind of thinking. My life and recovery has gradually gotten a lot easier as a result.
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I may be indeed a bit hard on myself, but I’m starting to accept that I can’t do life perfectly. I’m already happy if the percentage doesn’t dip below 35% and improvement makes me feel awesome. This thread started with me wanting to be perfect. Now it’s more something I actually enjoy doing. I enjoy ticking things of the list. I enjoy analysing the data to see when I don’t do great and than looking for ways to counter those dips.
And I feel a million times better than last week eventhough I’m incredibly stressed right now.
And I already see someone for my mental health, so I may indeed bring it up, thanks for the suggestion
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No problem man. I found compartmentalising and meditation to work wonders as well.
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I’ll post today’s score tomorrow. It’s late AF here
Day 9
It felt like a bad day, but the numbers don’t lie. It’s really fucking good for a saturday actually
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Just curious… Self care -> outfit. What does it mean if you tick ‘no’ for outfit?? Or do I want to know?? 
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I’m not sure why I have that actually. I made it to counter sloppiness, but even during active addiction I was quite presentable. But basically it means me putting on presentable clothes, but I think this one is me striving for perfectionism, so I’ll take it out
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This is very impressive. I found myself wearing lounge pants and a T shirt all the time. I still do on days I’m working remote, unless I have a zoom meeting.
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I can 100% relate to this, my drunk uniform was gym shorts, a tank top and slip on shoes. Literally was all I wore unless I was going somewhere special.
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I too always made sure I was “presentable”. For me it was getting up, dressing up no matter what.
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Day 10
Sooo… I relapsed on youtube. My mind tells me I can moderate because I didn’t get cravings after my teacher showed a youtube video during class.
Click here for a bunch of self-pity
Why does the addict brain have to be such a fucking asshole!!! Why will it never fuck off!!! And why the day before I have a mathematics test!!! Is this son of a bitch called addiction some being with a soul that is aware when it can fuck me best!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK…Had to get that out.
Tomorrow is gonna be hella interesting now that I’ve not studied for the mathematics test which I shouldn’t have crammed in the first place. I can’t wait for this test week to be over so that I can enter the new semester and actually keep up with my homework this time and not get quarantined for 23 days during a 35 day semester…
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A lot of topics and conversations about PMO addiction have had my interest lately. Will I feel better if I stop pleasuring myself? Will it give me a mental and/or physical boost? I’ve decided to find out and not pleasure myself for the rest of this year to “research” what effects it will have on me. Probably easier said than done though. @RBG @Matt Any advice at how I could reach that goal?
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I’m glad you’re thinking about this. But that’s only two months. The rewards for me didn’t really come until I was sober for about six months. What I’m afraid is that you’re going to suffer for two months and think it’s all for nothing. Of course I can’t predict what your experience will be.
This could be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. If you find it difficult, you’re going to need to draw on community support. You already know how to do that. And throw all your tools at it. If your tools don’t work, I can introduce you to new ones.
The main thing is to believe that you can. You can be in control. It’s not our destiny to be ruled by our genitals. Go for it!
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I’m with RBG on this. This is very much a “mind over matter” thing. And the tools are really the ones that help you cultivate a mind that governs your body: this can be recovery work and helpful communities as we have here on TS; it can be training regimens; it can be meditative or spiritual exercises.
In my own case I found I needed to introduce controls in the early stages, to cut off my access. (You may or may not need to do that; if you do, there’s one from Kaspersky, there’s also Covenant Eyes, there are others too.) Remember to be relentless, and do not make room in your mind for half measures or “if” thinking. Not “if” I do it. It needs to be an absolute, consistent certainty that you do not do this. (Sort of like Yoda-Stevie talks about “I am a non-drinker”.) Then, you channel that creative energy into some constructive use of your time.
Wishing you steady learning on this journey. 
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Day 11
Could have been better, could have been a lot fucking worse though.
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Where have you been? Is everything ok?
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