So 21 days sober from alcohol tonight after a very bad event that has happened.
I do not wish to share details but after so many failed attempts and promises to stay sober the wife just doesnt trust me anymore.
My question is how long should be enough until the alcoholic can be trusted to stay sober ?
That decision is up to you .there are tools and meetings you can use which will give you more chance of staying sober why not use them wish you well
Trust is earned…through your actions.
If time, as you ask, is the stick to measure by, the sooner you deal with why you drink, the sooner you can take action.
Twenty one days is nothing but day one repeated. Congratulations on 21 days
This time yes … 
but a good point none the less if role reversed id say 3months but i guess im just asking for what most would consider. Shrugs
I don’t think it’s a question of number of days or months or years. Divorcing from addiction - leaving your addiction permanently - and establishing a new relationship with recovery (healthy life, which involves daily behaviours and changed mindsets, for staying sober and changed) - all that is about changes in attitudes, and those can’t be measured in time.
You’ve had a long, long relationship with your addiction and you have prioritized it over all the other relationships in your life. Your ultimate trust has been that your addiction would always be there for you. You need to establish a healthy attitude and relationship with yourself, free of your addiction, free of those chains, before you can talk about trust in your relationships with other people.
It is possible with help and learning from other people who have walked the recovery road before you. There is a good set of resources here: Resources for our recovery
Welcome back 
Have you done any work related to the back pain you mentioned a couple years back? The alcohol makes it worse (it might seem like it helps, but like other addiction things, that’s a lie).
The first and most important thing is to get sober, because that’s the start of everything. No recovery, no relief. Getting sober will help you find a path to peace with the pain.
That depends on so many factors, like how long the addiction was, how bad the consequences were, the personalities of the addict and the other person, it is impossible to say.
For me it was around three months before I got even a slight amount of trust back, about a year for significant trust to be there.
@SoberSteven Welcome to the community!
It can take years to heal the relationships we destroy in active addiction. That’s okay, focus on today and your recovery and everything else will fall into place.
Don’t stress and don’t put a time limit on it… some people never forgive. That’s their problem
Hello.
It took me years to walk into the woods (active addiction) as far as I did. In my wake was the carnage I caused. No one trusted me and i certainly did not trust myself.
I am still working my way back out of those woods but along the way I have began to earn the trust of the people in my life. It has taken time and effort on my part.
I have realized it takes time and that timeline is not up to me other than just continuing to work on my sobriety and whatever is going to happen will happen. 
Actions will speak louder than promises…
When you stay sober, work on yourself, work on rebuilding trust it will all begin the process … but there’s not a timeframe to work to.
Congrats on 21 days 
I’ve been with my wife for 28 years, 22 of those years I was an active alcoholic. During those 22 years, I lied about my drinking almost everyday, and apparently I’m a terrible liar because she never believed me.
It took her more than 2 years for that trust to begin to recover, but there will always be doubts.
You need to accept that you may not be trusted at all for a long time, and that is 100% OK. There are going to be times where your sobriety is questioned, and you need to welcome that with grace and understanding, not resentment. You need to know that there will always be a doubt, and there is nothing you can do about it, so accept it and let it empower your sobriety.
The opposite of acceptance will foster resentment, and resentment will drive you to drink again, thus destroying any trust built.
Thankyou for the inspiring words Matt the back is seperate “will never be fixed” and those were dark times 
You need to accept that you may not be trusted at all for a long time…
Thankyou for sharing i hope the marriage counselling can help me somehow with this else if she cant trust after some peroid isnt it all just a waste of time -_-.
It’s not a waste of time if you’re getting sober for you 
I WILL be sober regardless 100% committed this time
Actions over time equal trust.
