I’ve survived the weekend but things get tougher for me from today because I will be home alone a lot the next few weeks. The urge is most definitely there today.
I admitted in my journal last night that I have been thinking this isn’t forever… That I’ll drink again at some stage.
What a ridiculous thought to have! I need to own my stuff!!
I can’t drink again because I’m an alcoholic and when I drink I do things that disrespect myself and my loved ones. I can’t drink again because I’m an alcoholic who makes really bad choices when drunk and hurts people. I can’t drink again because I’m an alcoholic who has children to look after and be a role model for. I can’t drink again because I’m an alcoholic who has children who deserve a Mum who isn’t self destructive!
Make a plan for that time you’ll be alone and keep yourself busy.
Forever is a long time and it scares the crap out of me so I keep it to a day at a time. Knowing I’m not going to pick up today is much easier to accept. I’ve been using the one day at a time approach for over 600 days and it’s been working. I promise you that urge to drink will dissipate over time.
Because your addiction is about running away and numbing out (instead of being present in life in all its complexities and ups and downs).
At some point we all discovered this thing (our addiction) that soothed us when we were in a complex space (socially, mentally, or emotionally). We eventually discovered it’s a lie - addiction is just numbness; it’s not helping anything, and life continues to happen whether we’re using or not; there’s no “pause” button - and then we realized we need to learn to walk through life, facing it, not running from it.
That’s a lot to learn, and it’s understandably intimidating. Insert the impulse to return to addiction, here: escape.
How about you join some meetings? The beauty of these online meetings is they’re happening all over the world and you can find one nearly 24 hours a day: Online meeting resources
Meetings are a great way to pass the time, and it’s helpful to learn the coping skills and emotional skills that meetings cover. It’s also a great place to meet people who understand.
Take long walks listening to podcasts; listen to music; and take it one day at a time. “I will not drink today.” Forget about tomorrow; forget about yesterday; today is all that matters. Then when your head hits the pillow sober, you wake up healthy and hangover free the next day.
Thank you so much for that response Matt! That is exactly what it is. I suffer Generalised Anxiety Disorder and have exacerbated other negative emotions through my drinking. I know it’s time to face it all but ultimately I don’t want to.
I am going to join a meeting when I finish work today.
