Hi,
I’m going to a friends birthday on Saturday which will be my day 14. Its in a pub which will be my first visit to one since stopping. I’d feel really bad for not going but obviously dont want to give in to temptstion.
Any tips on what to drink and how to tackle questions as usually when I’m in this particular pub I’m hammered.
Thanks
Personally i definately wouldnt go this early on in your sobriety…yeah u might feel bad for not going but whats more important?
If your serious about your sobriety you cant just stop drinking then continue to go about your life exactly as you did before at least in the beginning anyway…whats a few months out of your life until you get more solid in your sobriety?
Well done for asking the question but I wouldn’t go either. I am saying this with hindsight as I definitely made mistakes. It will just be too tempting, even if you made it successfully this time you risk planting the seed of “I can moderate because I managed it this time”. I am having to miss a hen do for the same reasons, feel awful but need to prioritise.
Someone else’s birthday party is not worth more than your own sobriety…I wouldn’t go if you are that concerned so early in your sobriety.
Depends how bad you was and if the people around you know you’re going sober. I’ve been pub a couple of times and me and my mates rarely attended without all ending up smashed or at least me anyway. I just drank 0% peroni (no one knows difference or even cares) and it was fine and none my mates give a toss! The thought of it is definitely worse than going for me and now I’ve been pub several times and not gave in even though everyone around me was drinking.
That said if you’re in doubt about it just say you’ve got bowel issues and dodge it.
Early on after quitting I had my work xmas party, I knew based on how those parties usually go down that it’d be heavy drinking. I made the call to skip it.
I saw it as a small sacrifice for the long term goal of sobriety. The feeling of missing out will last for a tiny amount of time but going to the bar and drinking could set your recovery back years. This could be the last chance you get to be sober, some people go back out and never make it back, that is a fear I have.
Even now after 4months I’ve had to skip a bar visit after work as I was afraid i wasn’t in a rock solid head space. I have been around drinking and held firm in my sobriety, but only a couple weeks in is a big risk, especially as its one of your old haunts.
I don’t plan on always passing on work do’s, partys etc I’m still going to go to them, but at this early stage in sobriety its a case by case decision, and definitely earlier on I knew it wouldn’t have been a good idea
Call in sick to it mate. Catch up with him the next morning for a coffee and get a feel for how good sobriety is while he’s hungover and you feel great!
I agree with everyone else so the only tip I have is don’t go. You might feel bad for missing it but you will feel worse if you go and end up drinking. I wouldn’t risk it.
I’m not a big celebrate birthday person after the age of like 12. Is your friend 12?? lol. Just smart ass sarcasm this morning.
Your sobriety should be the most important thing to you if you wish to maintain it. Like most here have said, I wouldn’t be risking it at this extremely early stage.
I’m sure your friend will understand.
Honestly, the best advice I can give is not to go. There will be other birthdays. Your sobriety is so new and so precious you need to fight for it with everything you’ve got.
Yeah im thinking the same bit early 
to risk it
Im on day 38 sober and visited a pub last weekend for some grub i didn’t slip up but the speckled hen (ale ) looked dam fine coming out the pump 
But i did see a pissed up (drunk) twat slurring his words and wobbling about and quickly felt better as a month ago that was me 
Dont go. Protect your sobriety. Dont tempt the addiction. If youre anything like me, that early in sobriety, i would start rationalizing one drink and then would be off to the races
I am sure a good friemd you would consider risking sobriety for woupd understand your situation. And if they cant understand, maybe its not a valid friendship? Just a thought. I think you woupd feel worse if you went and relapsed. The early days a difficult and you need to trae5 yourself like a baby bird… gentle touch, take it easy, and avoid puttung yourself in a bad spot
Good luck!
Tip nr 1 - don’t go
If you just Have to go commit to yourself you will not drink. It’s you who would put the glass to your lips and drink it. Don’t.
Drink water.
There’s nothing wrong with not drinking alcohol and not getting messed up like everyone else.
Stand out from the crowd as the non drinker.
No thank you. Is a good enough answer.
No need for explanations.
Can you handle going and not being tempted thereby giving up your hard earned sobriety?
If you’re wishy washy at all on the answer don’t go.
If you feel like you can manage it, drink water or coke or nothing.
We don’t always have to have drinks in our hands… and if questioned just say you’re not drinking.
Lots is at stake here. Could be you could go for thirty min and leave, sobriety intact.
I too would not go since you are so early on in sobriety. Being sober is more important than being social, in my opinion. However, if you do choose to go - have a plan of what you will do if you are even considering drinking. This plan could be to go with a sober friend or have one on speed dial on your phone - someone to check in with.
For me, I needed to keep it super simple by avoiding these places, and I still stay away from the ‘old haunts’ (bars, clubs) even after 2+ years being sober.
Alright Dan id encourage you not to go. If you absolutely feel like you can’t miss it then I’d only stay a short while and make an excuse as to why you have to leave. Always remember though that although its your friends birthday, YOU come first and what YOU need is more important than your friend.
I’d skip it…Sobriety has a cost, …chances are, youre just not there yet.
That said, no one come to me for advice.
Be well
There is a consensus here that’s clear. What if you tell your friend you’d love to do something separately with them since you’re not able to go? Meet up for an activity you both enjoy, treat them to lunch or a coffee/tea/ice cream whatever. That way you are still celebrating their birthday but not putting yourself in the obvious risk this early in your sober days. You can find alternatives.