Officially 5 days sober! 2 more days and I’ll be a week into my recovery. 
Just trying not to fuck up. I almost used today. Circled around an atm for 30-45 minutes. Screaming in my head and rage pumping through my veins some how I told myself not to pick up. I’m proud of myself but still feel like utter shit. Please send good vibes my way. My support system is none existing right now. My mom accused me of being high after me having a great day and my boyfriend absolutely hates my guts and won’t talk to me. I’m drowning and all I want to do is use but here I am biting my tongue hoping that this feeling would just melt away. Fuck, I just want to scream and punch a hole in someones face. But again all I can do is sit here in my misery, trying to calm my mind while my boyfriend sits across from me ignoring my existence. #sendhelp&tissues
Congratulations on five days! Cracking effort!
Good vibes coming your way 
I did that, loads of times! Almost physically fighting myself to stop myself from drinking.
Well done!
Sod 'em. You got a life of your own, who cares what they think, you’re too busy getting your life sorted out!
It’s going to feel like shit for a while. Some days you won’t know if you are coming or going.
It’s normal, ride it out!
Have a good read on here, check in on the daily check in thread. People post about their own experiences, you will discover you are not alone.
Interact with this site.
Appreciate you! I know I’m not alone…it’s just hard not to feel alone when it feels like everyone hates you; even I hate me. I’m not trying to self loath but god damn it this day was going great and all of sudden life punches me in the face again and again and again. I feel dizzy and simply don’t know what to do with myself other than cry and hope tommorrow is better.
Yes, I hear you.
Can you have a bath? Go to bed?
Most of what we have to deal with is in our minds.
You said it yourself, YOU were having a good day, why let them spoil it?
The way they feel is on them, not you.
Always try and see the positive in any situation.
Mindset is so important in sobriety.
A bath or shower doesn’t sound horrible right now. Maybe it’ll help cleanse my mind a bit. I don’t know it’s just hard to keep up positivity when everything around me feels like its crumbling. I legit feel like I’m going to puke because my head is spinning. I feel completely erratic right now. My life has gone off the tracks into the gutter. Fuuuuuck I just wish I had a friend by my side right now. No one who wants to talk to me or is awake is clean. My whole life is changing and maybe that’s for the better but the horrible things bombarding me at full force are not helping in the slightest.
Is there a counselor service in your area that has a 24 hour hotline you can call? I’ve had to call our local hotline to have help me think through the drink & calm me & my alcoholic mind. Sometimes it helps just to spill your guts to a 3rd part. I wish I would have used their service before I relapsed a month ago! I had 13 months. But I hear you about no support! My family & daughter wont speak to me. I realized that I had to look around & realize where I had support and didn’t even realize it until I relapsed and hit rock bottom. I have an amazing boss at a very supportive company! My work family is now my family! Huggs & prayers to you hun! I’m here if you need to vent!! 
Hey Kiki I feel you. You’re not alone. It sucks when our family isn’t there for us and don’t realise what we are going through, I also could not count on support from mine. As others have said, review your options. In my case I have my partner and some close friends who support me, in your case I would go to meetings, the support you can find there is amazing from what I know and hear.
Just want you to know what sometimes this is the best option and it’s totally ok. Acknowledge your feelings, and let them wash over you, and end a shite day and think of a fresh day tomorrow. I do this a lot and it’s ok. Sending you hugs girl.
I would call if I wasn’t being tortured by my own partner right now who’s moving out. I want to burst out crying
Remove yourself from the situation if possible honey, if you’re not absolutely necessary there, and why would you be? Or tell yourself this will be done in 2hrs, at so and so o’clock, set a mental time limit.
Phone the service and create a safe space for yourself, it’s a good idea imo.
since covid there hasnt been any meeting in my area. All there is, is zoom meeting and have been confused and simply unmotivated to fifure out how to get into them. Its not as simple as just entering the chat.
Oh no. Did you know he was moving out? I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time.
He declared that he was moving out today. After being extremely shitty to me. I’m good but the whole situation is unsettling
Ach, obvs the meetings arent in person right now. That would be a good place to start for you today, take measures to ensure you can join the meetings via zoom, research how it’s done, get the contacts. It counts as working on your sobriety, it’ll give you a feeling of self care and taking action amidst the chaotic situation you’re on right now, and you’ll get the benefits from the meeting itself. Wish you strenght Fiona! Beautiful name btw are you scottish? 
Gotta think of you right now hun! Dont worry about those who dont support you. Go out to your car or someplace you can have privacy to call that hotline. You need someone to talk you down from the ledge right now. You gotta make you #1. Everyone else is second place right now. You’ve made it 5 days, you can make it through another. One day at a time. Shoot I used to one hour at a time!
Take a hot shower and cry if you have to if the process of him leaving is too much rn. You’ll feel so much better tomorrow when you wake up clear headed.
Lol I hate when people call me Scottish 
it’s okay. I’m adopted and Fiona is the name my adoptive parents gave me. They’re super scottish and irish. Fiona means kind and fair. I try to live up to that. Im actually half italian/sicilian. I’ll look more into it tommorrow. I’m just trying not to flup my shit right now. Wind down a bit.
I’ve been consistently been checking the clock every hour, practially every 10 minutes waiting for the next day to come already.
Tommorrow can’t come any sooner
I appreciate all your kind wisdom. I’m not asking someone to hold my hand through this but honestly it would make it a lot easier.