“I can feel myself reach for the fucking bottle, I’m not worth shit… I’ve done the damage I should let the stuff derail me now…”
You ARE worth it and the small part of you that remembers this is the part that reached out for help by posting on here. That’s the little bad ass bitch in you that still has fight left in her. She’s trying hard to kick the shit out of the part of you thats doubting yourself. Listen to her and don’t give in, because hitting the bottle won’t change the situation except to make it worse because you’ll wake up tomorrow with regret, shame, guilt, and one helluva hangover. No Bueno.
Do something to distract yourself. Punch a pillow, scream, cook, listen to music, dance, ANYTHING but drink to help you through this weak moment and I guarantee you that this time tomorrow you’ll feel 100% better about yourself for not giving in!
Get up, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself for the strength to persevere. You might be suprised by the willpower that lies within you.
Rise above your negative thoughts, ask yourself what drinking stands to help you accomplish? If alcohol isn’t going to help, consider what will… and try that instead.
Nope, you’re not a disgrace. You’re scared and intimidated by your whirlwind of emotion. Anyone in your situation would be. That makes you human, and that makes you learning (which is sometimes scary). That’s the farthest thing from a disgrace.
I saw your previous post and I understand more now:
That is rough. You’re tired and exasperated. And there’s the other shit you mentioned in this thread too. Anyone would be drained and discouraged. But this is also your moment where you learn how to deal with this shit sober. Millions of people do every day, and they’re no better than you. You can do this.
You reached out for support from friends (here on TS). That’s a good strategy. Try some other things using HALT: Hungry (are you hungry? Get food. You need food.) Angry (of course you’re angry. Anyone would be. Anger is a sign that something needs to change. Maybe start looking for a new place to live) Lonely (no one likes being alone. Reach out. Come here on TS. Find an AA meeting. Connect. It will keep you grounded) Tired (sleep. You’re exhausted. You need rest)
Take care love, and never forget: you’re a good person, you matter, your sobriety matters, and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
Thank you…
It’s been just too emotional and I suppose thats where I’ve leaned on substances and drink so much to power through,
so these emotions are hard and have me all over the place.
You’re right, it will pass. One minute at a time, one step at a time. Take care of your needs, for safety, for food, for rest. Watch TV, have a snack, do anything to pass the time. If you feel up to it, sit down and meditate. This is one of my fave tracks to reflect on when I’m having tough times: https://insighttimer.com/MelliOBrien/guided-meditations/untangle-from-charged-thoughts
One trick I learned was to think of difficult thoughts and emotions like ships on a river. You’re sitting on the bank of the river. As each ship passes, there’s a lot of noise and a lot is happening there. It seizes your attention.
But you don’t have to get on. You can let the ship pass. You always have that calm centre, where you can see a thought, name it, acknowledge it, and let it pass.
Take care Danni. You are a good person. Storms of emotion like this are normal in early sobriety especially. Many people before you have learned how to manage them - and you can too.
It’s not easy to be sure, but at some point things begin to get better because day by day we break the chains of our self made confinement, we are able to leave peices of our past behind us, and then we realize that not only are we free to walk, but that we can also run. These are the days that test your resolve, but they are also the days that bring the greatest feelings of victory when we make it through and don’t give in.
Just make it through this minute, then this hour then this day. You have infinite worth. There is no one like you. You are a unique and amazing person. I believe in you. You can do it.
Just gonna put it as plain as I can. If you get wasted you’ll feel like double dog shit in the morning and pain and stress will still be there. You won’t solve a thing, if fact you’re setting yourself back. Go for a walk and get some air.
Of course it will pass, though it probably won’t be pleasant until such time as it does. Still, that’s the benefit of having a community here, even with people like me in it, since you know that we’ll always give you support and encourage you.
Checking in here is a good idea… i often see your name, and I think that it’s brilliant that you check in so often. I find that it helps me, and I’m sure that you derive quite some benefit from it too.
Things will get easier in time… you can do it, we all can.
Hang in there!! You are stronger than you think!! The sick part of our brain releases those thoughts of hopelessness and makes us doubt ourselves everyday. It is up to us to fight back against those urges in order for us to be the best versions of ourselves. We can all relate. We are here for you. I am newly sober and this forum as helped in so many ways!! Sending you strength, love, and hugs!!!
I going to bed sober…
Through words of reason and taking a step back I’ve got through, I’ve amazed myself as I sat earlier crying and just wanted it all to go away with some poison but I didn’t I live for another day…
I intend to keep to my promise even when the gremlins keep telling me otherwise.
As this community grabs you when your falling.
You absolutely rock! God, I know that hopeless/worthless feeling SO WELL. You deserve to be sober, no matter what other hurdles you are facing. I hope you get a restful night’s sleep and wake up in clarity. Keep coming back here! We’re all in this together
