I am new here and searching for some guidance and tips. I am spiraling out of control and I want help to stop drinking. I’m in a moment right now that I am starting a headache because I drink in routine almost everyday after everyone is asleep. I don’t go out and party. I just sit here and drink, watch some good shows, maybe talk on the phone. Then go to bed. I guess to bring you up to date of why I do what I do. Started drinking young in high school. Joined the military, logo work hard play hard. So we did. Got married, had a baby, got divorced. Met a new guy, got married, almost got killed got a divorce. During this time find out son has Autism wich brings fights and screaming every day. My poor baby. Met a good guy. Loves GOD guy. Moved to be with him. Have been together over 5 years. I he beat me 3 times and I justified the first 2. So the 2nd of this month I called his parents instead. Now I’m here stuck. I have severe PTSD and TBI . I seriously have 1 friend here after 5 years because of how secluded he has kept me. No famliy. Just lost. So obviously because he was physical with me and I kicked him out I’ve been drinking 6 beers a night. I’m fine the next day but it took my pain away for at least a couple hours and I slept. Each day for me is counting the clock until I go to bed. It’s so agonising and lonely living my life.
I am so sorry you are going through all that you are going through. You have a lot to want to run from but alcohol will likely only make that harder. I don’t have any amazing tips for you as I am also beginning my journey after years of a challenging relationship with alcohol,but I know in my heart of hearts it has to be done. You’ve been through so much already it sounds like, but it also sounds like you’re in a good place to start making positive changes for you - if not for you, to do it in revenge for the pain that has been caused. Sometimes that can be a good motivator.
Thank you for listening.
Of course. I feel I sometimes used to drink “at people.” Like somehow I was punishing them by hurting myself… It’s eye opening when you really fully grasp it’s only ourselves we hurt. But truth be told, my self esteem has been low due to my poor management of alcohol that I was also wanting to hurt myself in some way… So I know you feel low about yourself now, but imagine how proud you feel after the first victory one day.
We are all listening. I’m sorry for your struggles. I’m sure the girls will have some good stuff for you.
I just want you to know that you are in the right place and asking the right questions. Keep coming back.
How old is your child?? My nephew is autistic. He got therapy that was state funded. We saw a miracle happen after that. I’m just throwing that out there. I’m not sure where ya live
Hugs for you @Lost 
and if you’re ready… it’s time to go to work! In order to improve any/every area of your life, you must take care of yourself. I challenge you tonight, that after you put your son to bed, to make a cup of coffee, grab some paper, a pen and sit at your dining room table. If you’re inclined to pray (or not) try asking God, sincerely to help you make this life-changing list… I’ll help with #1 & #2
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Research support groups…find a recovery group of your choosing & make contact tonight. Find out where/when meetings are held & go tomorrow!
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Make yourself a personal promise that you’ll not allow another man in your life until way down the road when you’re healthier & in a better place to choose a better partner. No one should ever lay a hand on you!
The rest of the list may include reaching out to any family that has your back & letting them know your in a tough spot, throwing away an alcohol in the home, looking at your finances, job needs & sons needs.
I promise you… if you seek it with all your heart… sobriety can transform YOU & transport you out of a bewildering, lonely, desperate, broken existence into a new beautiful life that you can’t even fully imagine right now. And it all begins with joining a recovery group of your choice. Just try going without alcohol for tonight & make this same decision again tomorrow. It’s One Day at a Time.
Let me know what group you decide on, chances are there are several members already in the forum.
@Lost I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now. While i do not have an abusive partner, I do have a child with autism. I totally understand your stress of coping with a child with a disability. Being a single parent must be a huge challenge. Our daughter is 26 but we still struggle with the difficulties of autism almost daily. Here are a few things that have worked for us.
- change is very difficult. We try to give as much advance warning as possible. (5 more minutes until we leave, 3 more minutes until we get in the car, finish up what your doing because we are leaving in 1 more minute) next week you go to the Dr. In 2 days you go to the Dr not school tomorrow you go…
- Make a schedule with your child and stick to it. She loves routine and structure and now traditions.
- Try to remember sometimes things bother them that wouldn’t bother you. Loud noises, crowds, tags on shirts, pants, lights, touch…
- Take all the help offered and ask for more. He deserves it and so do you. Early intervention is amazing and they know of other services that you can benefit you both.
- Try not to take the outburst personally. He loves you and relies on you to help him. But he will lash out at you because he is confident in your relationship. Talk to him after an outburst and make sure he understands you love him but he needs to find a better way to express himself.
- Take time for yourself. Join a group. I work with individuals with disabilities and we have an amazing group of parents that get together once a week while the young ones learn a skill.
- Teach him how to work out his anger. Yelling into a pillow, yoga, running, whatever works for him
- don’t drink. this made my patience with our daughter horrible! I regret so many things I said because I was hungover or drunk.
- Go to therapy with/without him. Our daughter ended up needing anxiety meds when she was about 18. It helps her to cope so much better.
Above all remember we are here for you and you are not alone. Feel free to PM me if you need anything. I’ll do my best to help.
I’m so glad you reached out here. I sure do hear you. You’ve been through so much - and survived it. But you know what? You have already taken such big steps to reclaim your life and to make it better.
@BondJaneBond gave such good advice. May I add another suggestion? You might want to see if the town you are in has a support agency for survivors of domestic violence. You’ve carried a lot of weight on your shoulders for a long time. Let people help you with some of those burdens.
I was also largely a solitary drinker who drank and used to cope with stress and anxiety. When I finally admitted that I was an alcoholic and that I needed help, I found a world of support once I was willing to accept it. I could not quit alone. The good folks on this forum and the groups I attend in my community have saved my life - quite literally. Try to read some of the older threads on here dealing with what has worked for others - then ask any questions you may have. We’re a pretty friendly lot who will help you in any way we can. I’m glad you found us.
I didnt stay downstairs and watch my shows. I’m in bed playing on the phone. Sweating in a full blast a.c. room. Guess that’s to be expected. Thank you for being here.
Yeah the first week is a bitch but you can do it. It gets easier. Just stay sober for today. Work on tomorrow, tomorrow.
That’s a lot to have going on, and I can only imagine really frightening and overwhelming. As impossible as it may seem that things will ever be okay, keep reminding yourself that they will. It won’t be easy of course, but the most important thing you can do is be willing to try. Willingness is key. Pair that with determination and a little bit of faith and you’ll be on the right path. I wish I had this forum earlier on because this is a great resource with a lot of very good insight. Everything that has been suggested above are great ideas but also take some work and focus. Try to keep your head up! Stay strong, you’ll be alright.
Thank you everyone for being so kind. All of your words are so helpful and I feel blessed that I came across this app. I feel not so alone at this moment and that is something I have been for a long time. I will take all of your advise and take it one day at a time.
I’m learing how to respond I think lol. My child is 12. He does get medical assistance waiver. Alot of programs here only accept medical assistance. This way these kids are not left behind and have options for them. We have been on this journey since he was 2 so we keep trucking forward. We do get a lot of help with whatever programs we choose.
I’m glad you found this place. There are a lot of wonderful people here with incredible hearts and a lot of knowledge. I’m so sorry for the trauma you have been through. I come from a past of an abusive relationship too. I suggest finding a therapist you can trust and unload all that’s inside on them and start the road to loving yourself fully again and accepting nothing but love in return. My therapist has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. Also feel free to message me anytime you’re feeling lonely. I think that’s a feeling we all struggle with and even more so when starting this journey. Big hugs to you.
Thank you for your support. I will consider it when school starts up and I have the time. Thankfully I’m a vet and counceling is highly recommended. When i decide to they will be ready and willing to help as soon as I ask for it.
I’m so glad you are here @Lost, I’m sorry that you have been through so much. You received plenty of great suggestions and I don’t have anything significant to add except from my own experience, which is not identical to yours but you might find something that helps. I started drinking very heavily after a violent sexual attack and as a result I became more and more isolated, distressed, sad and on top of that, drinking exposed me in a series of other dangerous incidents as I had no inhibitions or ability to protect myself. Things did eventually get better but my mentality of being a victim stayed with me and I used it as my main excuse to drink for years and years. And this self feeding cycle has been very difficult for me to break, although the initial event was not my fault, I kept somehow trying self harm by drinking myself to death.
For me the realisation that getting through all these required a lot of strength has helped in slowly practicing some self love and compassion (still very amateur in this) instead of being angry and hurt (took some extra help of course).
Someone suggested that you could find some support groups and I second that. Women for sobriety have been an incredible source of support and they do meetings online. You will find some lovely people in this app too.
Hope you are doing well today xxx
I’m sorry for what you have been through. I completely understand drinking it all away. I think being on this app and sharing with people and hearing what everyone has gone through is an amazing help. I am encouraged with this and want to press forward. I will look up that on line. Thank you for that. I’m not doing great but I’m better then I was yesterday. That’s my goal for right now. Hope all is well with you as well.