I have been lying to myself and those around me. Beginning today I will actually TRY to get sober. A month after I drove home drunk and was so hungover that I couldn’t play with my children, my husband told me I needed to get sober. Of course in my post binge guilt, I completely agreed. Then, like addicts are prone to do, I talked my self out of it and begun sneaking the occasional drink. Two weeks ago, I had too many and again got the talk from the hubs. Since then I have not really been trying. Been hiding it, arguing with myself, and living in a cycle of guilt and doubt and drink. I want to put more effort in. I want to actually TRY. But it’s got to be for me. This is going to be my documentation of my real journey, my accountability log, and my inspiration.
Hi, I’m new to this app. I read your post and I can completely relate to what you are going through. I have a child and at the worst point I collected her from school drunk iam so disgusted in myself for putting my child and partner through this. I stopped for a while due to the “wake up call” but of course started to talk myself round to having another drink fooling myself into believing it was fine, its just 1 drink- who am I kidding, it’s never just 1 drink. I hide my drink around the house and then forget where I put it only for my partner to come across it. Everyone tells me I’m such a lovely person but when I drink I’m like a demon, the complete opposite of who I really am. I’m desperate to stop drinking I want a life of happiness and inner peace. I hope you get through this and manage to stop drinking xx
@Nicola, my heart breaks for you. Maybe we can do this together. I am disgusted when I think about some of the things I’ve done and the danger I’ve exposed by kids to. They deserve better. So do you and so do I. Stay in touch and keep trying.
Thankyou that means a lot to me. Alcohol is destroying my life as it is for you. Sometimes it’s so lonely as unless u are experiencing it, it’s very hard for people to understand why we do it. It’s comforting and gives me that little bit of extra strength to try and do this by finding people who are in the same situation as myself and finding this app has been great. It’s day 2 of sobriety and I’m feeling awful, very anxious and teary but everyone says “one day at a time” so I will continue to remind myself of that. I made a promise to my child and partner that I will find help and try hard to stay sober I don’t want to let them or myself down xx
All great suggestions @Oliverjava . Fortunately I have been working on those things even though I’ve still been drinking. I do yoga, journal, and have replaced my evening wine with hot tea with my kids. It’s way better at relaxing me and the added joy of sharing that time with them is so special. I’ve also been reading a ton and I can feel the difference in my thinking. It’s an uphill battle and we have to keep adding tools to our sobriety toolbox. I’m excited to move forward even though I know that rough waters are ahead.
Try to stay positive. When you feel anxious think of it as your senses returning to normal. Be kind to yourself, cry if you need to, and hug your baby. We women are so much more than we give ourselves credit for and are often our toughest critic. Have you thought about why you drink so much?
You’ve taken the first step… Being accountable and realizing your lying to yourself is HUGE!! Been guilty of that sooooo many times… Are there any particular ways you want to try to keep sober? There is a plethora of them… AA is the most obvious but there are several other routes you can incorporate into your life as well. Let me know and I’ll do my best to help!! Keep strong!
I think for now I’m going to keep reading and building more healthy coping mechanisms. I’m also going to stay super busy. I have 3 kids, a full time job, and am working on my masters so should have plenty to keep me busy over the summer. Thanks for the support!
I have an easy one if your stressed out, I swear by it… it’s called 7 4 8. Lay down close your eyes, breathe in for 7 seconds through your nose, hold your breath for 4 seconds, then breathe out of your mouth for 8 seconds… if you do this for 2 or 3 minutes it really helps you relax… I thought it was all B.S. at first but after practicing it, it really helps
Hello @Sprite and @Nicola,reading your stories is like re living mine…So you sure not alone!!!I don’t know how many times I drove drunk with my little boy in the car and a bottle of vodka in my diaper bag,how many times I argued and insulted my husband of 11years who pointed out my drinking way before I was able to stop lying to myself and admited had a problem…how many hangovers and lousy tired miserable days I have lived in the past 10 years…Alcohol depressed me big time so even though I was prescribed antidepressants I was also taking my depressant of choice-Vodka!!How stupid is that…???..I got sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!It took a few tries but this is it for me…31 days sober today,feeling so much better,going to IOP(intensive outpatient therapy)and taking Naltrexone(curbs the craving for substance in your brain) and taking it one day at the time!You can do it girls,let’s do it for our sake and for the sake of our children and husbands!!!8)Stay in touch and let’s support each other!!
Hi ladies!! I’m in the same exact boat as you guys so you’re definitely not alone!! My husband is so supportive but can only take so much of my continual relapsing and god only knows what my daughter thinks of me. Too many times spent picking her up from school and driving her to her activities while having drank and then when we do make it home I usually pass out. Not exactly a fun life, my husband says I’m basically a zombie when I get like that and he yearns for us to grow emotionally and have a healthier marriage. I’m new to this app and I’m only 1 day sober, but one is better than none! I’m going to do this for me so that I can be he best mom I can and to be there for my husband. Reading all your stories have been so helpful, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I did detox last year and was on naltrexone and did IOP but then my insurance dropped me and the medicine wasn’t helping. So far though I just want to see life more clearly and go back to being happy and alive and a part of society without constantly worrying if someone can spell the alcohol on my breath. Thank you ladies for sharing your stories! So far this app and the forum has been so amazing for me to find, I told my husband it’s like a little AA meeting in my pocket lol. Nice to know that there is somewhere to turn to when you’re on the go and just need some support to help fight through the cravings! Let’s rock this sobriety ladies! Hang in there everyone!
@Sprite I have wondered why I keep lifting the bottle and putting myself and family through the nightmare and I don’t know why. May be I just find it hard to deal with the stresses and reality of what I see in life. I have been told from close family I have a lot of underlying issues that need to be addressed but to me it’s not something I think about it don’t dwelling on my past although I suppose it may be in my subconscious. Thankyou for your kind words and I hope you are looking after yourself and doing good, sending love xx
Day 1, again. I broke down and had a glass of wine yesterday. Kept it to one, which I’m proud of. I’ve been reading the naked mind and it’s interesting how the book discusses the cultural brainwashing that we all experience in relation to alcohol. The book promises that you won’t want to drink anymore by the end of it, we’ll see how well it works. I also realized that one of the reasons i have turned to daily drinking is that my husband and i parent very differently and instead of arguing and fighting with him, i drink and ignore it. I started talking to him about it last night. I think it will help to get on the same page about what we both need. My seven year old says practice makes progress, not perfection. Quite insightful that one. Hope you ladies are making progress. Every step you take matters. I’m sending love and positive vibes your way today.
I almost ruined my marriage a few years back because of subconscious issues. I got 2 years of counseling and discovered that I have borderline personality disorder. Understanding how my brain works and what I have to be aware of has been incredibly helpful. Maybe you should find someone you’re confortable talking to. The right counsellor can make a huge impact in your wellbeing.
@Sprite omg I was diagnosed with Bpd 2 yrs ago but unfortunately got my “label” then was passed from one psychiatrist to another who unfortunately do not seem to want to know. I have done research and found that a lot of doctors etc do not really know what to do with Bpd sufferers and feel they are attention seekers (which has kind of made me slightly paranoid about talking with them) I was also told it’s a very derogatory term for the illness. I am currently waiting to go on a mindfulness programme which I was put forward for so we will see what happens. Xx
@BellaSerenity ur positivity is very catching I agree, it’s so comforting to know there are people out there who are the in the same situation and we are not alone. 
I work in healthcare and have a lot of friends in the field, psychology, psychiatry, and social work. It is a bit of a conundrum across the board with some who don’t believe in it at all and others who try to over diagnose or overmedicate. I’ve been lucky to have people around me who support anything that helps me. I can tell you that the enhanced emotional response is a fact in my life and I’ve had to work really hard to step back and process my emotions BEFORE I say or do anything. The self demonizing behavior is also a driver in my life. That feeling of never being good enough has contributed to my drinking. I’m here for you in anyway I can be. Have you explored the trauma that brought it on?
Absolutely! Hope it helps!