That was a pretty hard maze… usually I can see right through them, but that one took me a little while!
That’s a very good analogy and visual effect!..Stay calm and retrace your steps to the point of the path you know was right and try something new, try a new turn, and if that turn doesn’t work don’t just give up, always return to the path that’s been working and keep trying knew things and eventually you will make it through.
I want to get sober because I HATE the mornings after. I am so done with feeling sick and tired all the time and not accomplishing anything because of booze. NO MORE…
Same old stuff, just doing dad duty and some hobby work.
All the ground work I laid in that first year has held up thus far.
How’re you good sir?
Peachy. Thankyou, Sir - My foundation is holding up too.
I had my near final driving lesson today before I sit my test in a couple weeks. I spent 2 hrs going over this roundabout that I just couldnt seem to get right but after a bit of concentration and a few more fuck ups, I got it down.
My instructor told me today “This job is so much easier if you just have a very casual attitude towards death”… theres something in there lol
Yeah its about time I did. I never needed to in the past because I lived in places where it was easy to get around anyway… Plus it was more money for drink and drugs. Now it just seems pretty pig headed to not get it done plus, I really want a 3 series.
I was going to get a motorcycle originally but the weather here is shit for it apart from 2 days in June. You’re in Finland so you know how that feels haha! In the end I thought, nah screw it I’ll just learn the road properly and reduce my chances of dying a little bit.
When you say school, what do you mean? Was it like an actual school? My instructor is a private driving instructor and hes great. Doesnt milk me for money, doesnt tell me I can do something when I cant and the advantage to learning at 29 (I also learned when i was 17 but never passed a test) is with age comes patience and the knowledge that you are going to stall at red lights from time to time - No need to panic about what you already know 
Shame about the anxiety you had. Do you still feel it when you get in the bike?
Sounds pretty intense. Especially the theory part of 4 hrs in a classroom.
Mines been great. I never used to enjoy driving because I had a real short attention span and I found it boring. We have a Theory Test and a Practical test. An instructor will take you out on local roads for a few lessons and then when they feel you’re good to go, they’ll take you to the town where you do your test and then you learn that area and the various routes they can take you on. The theory is learn at your own pace, I guess but I bought a book on it and I passed it without any issue. The only problem I’ve really had is this one particular roundabout with 6 different entry junctions. it’s weird. The road markings naturally feed you off into one of 3 lanes; one of them then disappears and a new right hand lane appears. Its very strange but I went round it today from all 6 entry and nailed it. I feel pretty confident I’ll pass in a couple weeks but I might eat my words there because I don’t test well. We’ll see
Me sir?
Living the dream here! Every day a holiday, every meal a banquet!
I was only thinking to myself yesterday how things seem to be evening out pretty well.
All that solid work in the first year is definitely worth it.
Plus, I don’t miss it. Well, hardly worth worrying about. If I get one of those thoughts it’s soon dismissed.
Sobriety rocks dude!! 
At the end of the day it is our choice if we drink (or insert DOC). We can justify, give excuses, and list reasons but it is our individual choice to do so or in my case not to.
Exactly. I could drink tomorrow, and it would be a choice. Short of someone holding a gun to a family members head, there’s no one in this world who can make me willingly take a drink. The inverse is also true: no one can stop me from taking a drink, except me. I choose not to. I won’t drink, because I don’t drink. I am a non-drinker.
Man, I’m just off a 53 hour work week and I’m ready to collapse! Just took over BOH as well as the front and I’m currently in over my head. Good news is, I’ve had a lot of experience in doing this, so it shouldn’t last too long. But, damn do I want to start firing people! 
Fortunately, or unfortunately, that is not in my power anymore.
Also, I forgot how much I love to splatter grease all over myself! 
So there was a couple people who were new or coming back at my homegroup today. And everyone kept sharing about their bottom and how it brought them to sobriety. Well it just wasn’t like that for me. In fact I think that’s just kinda a scripted answer. I drank and drugged knowing damn well what the consequences were going to be. If a low bottom could keep me sober then I never would have relapsed.
My bottom never scared me in to sobriety because I was pretty sure my addiction was going to kill me, so what the fuck did it matter what happened. It wasn’t until I realized that I wasn’t dying. In fact, I seemed destined to live forever in this miserable existence. That’s how I finally ended up in AA.
I got to AA and all these mfers are happy and laughing and all I kept thinking was what in the hell is so goddamn funny about sobriety? But I also saw that and wanted that. I wanted to be happy like the people in the rooms. And apparently all I had to do was show up and follow some suggestions. For me those suggestions were get a sponsor and work the steps.
Well guess what? It friggin worked. I got a sponsor and started working the steps. Slowly, but surely my life started getting better. Then it started getting better and better and it happened quicker and quicker. The more I worked the program of AA the better my life got. And that, right there, is why I continue to stay sober. It’s not about it’s a bunch of consequences, it’s because my life is so much better now than I ever could have imagined a few years ago.
And since I am not unique, this can be the path of literally every single person who is reading this. There’s literally nothing stopping any drunk from having a life beyond their wildest dreams.
Yup, it was the stuck living part that got me too.
So many good points it’s so hard to pick one.
I dug myself a hole so deep I couldn’t see any light at the top. So many times I went to sleep praying to never wake up again. I screwed up my life pretty bad and hurt some people along the way.
I still have money problems, family problems, health problems, work problems. My life is amazing because I no longer have a ME problem. Once I got to work fixing me, everything else seemed workable no matter what it was.
Fixing me wasn’t calculus. I’m simply a guy who when I feel shame, despair, loneliness, anger, and pride, I want to do stupid shit to cope. It’s even worse when IDGAF about my life, then I’ll eventually take the people I love down with me. So everything I do now is about constantly reminding myself that I have better ways to cope than doing stupid shit when I feel shame, despair, loneliness, anger, and pride, and remembering how much I have to lose.
So what did I do? I picked a recovery process. committed that I would do whatever it took to complete that process. Made it my utmost priority. No easy because I seemed to always have touch choices in the beginning.
But my boss wants me to stay late? I’ll find another job. What about weekend barbecues with my best friends? Might have to leave early or come late. Or not show at all. What about time with my partner or my kids? Better they get a little less time with recovery me than zero time with addiction me. What about my sick mom? No one else to take care of her. Call in to a phone meeting. What if people find out? Newsflash: they probably already know something’s up. But don’t tell 'em unless you’re ready.
Yes, to all of it! I don’t use a “traditional” program, but I damn well work MY program everyday. My program revolves around addressing the underlying issues, just like those other programs, everyday. I see a therapist every week. She helps guide my program. When I’m not sitting in her office, I’m working on letting go and letting whatever (read, don’t have a word for my spirituality/beliefs). I work on not letting OCD and other anxieties run my life. I work on keeping my mind in the now, being present. And on the very rare occasion I work on keeping my mind away from wanting to drink or take benzos. I am CONSTANTLY practicing acceptance. Life on lifes terms. Serenity. And, above all, one day, hour, minute, and sometimes second at a time. I’m at the point where I don’t have to consciously practice any of it, it comes naturally. Shit gets stressful? What is right in front of me. What can I do to make this situation better. What strategy is best for this situation. And, most importantly, what strategy is the SIMPLEST! And that’s the miracle of the mind. If I’m consciously trying to guide this process I WILL make it more complicated. If I let go, accept, then the easiest, most effective solution is being applied without me having to do anything. All because I’ve worked HARD to get to this place. All because I’ve worked on ME and MY problems (commonly the wrong solutions), first and foremost.
And here is the the thing that is going to blow a lot of minds…
Everything that I am doing is available through “traditional” programs, and is set out in a way that makes sense, is free, and readily available. Boom. Mic dropped.
Oh the benifits of youth!
Still remember what you want to type and do it so elequently!
Nicely said Megan
It’s there, this idea that I have to stay sober, no I actually want to stay sober now.
But it’s not, like, the same as it was a year ago.
I’m actually enjoying life more now.
Go figure!!
I thought life revolved around getting pissed and having a laugh…
Ha, little did I know.
Youth my ass. I’m not ignorant enough anymore to claim youth.
As far as remembering what I want to say, well, I’ve been living it every fucking day. 53 hours in 5 days of chaos at work has brought a lot if this shit right to the front of my mind. I’ve had to apply all these things every second, so it’s all fresh. 2 days off now and not enough time to make it all go away. Which is great! I’m enjoying the passion of doing the right things. However, I ain’t doing shit, physically, for the next 2 days. I’m NOT 21 anymore.
