Early in my sobriety there was a gentleman in my home group who had is son die at 2 years old. Within a few hours of sharing at an AA meeting. The dude was an absolute rock. Rather than using his trauma as an excuse to drink he literally showed up at a meeting.
Years have gone by and I had not seen him around much since Covid. Recently he’s been showing up at meetings (still sober) sharing his story and how AA helped him stay sober during that time.
Not sure what exactly my point is here, but I do know that grief is not an excuse to drink because this guy showed me it’s not.
It was end of June 2019 that I first and finally seriously decided to stop drinking alcohol and become a non-drinker. Two weeks later my Nana died. I LOVED her SO much!! It was devastating. It was not expected, so we couldn’t prepare. I was consumed with grief and just so so sad. But I stayed sober. Other ppl in my life used alcohol to cope. I’m so glad I did not. It was hard, but I wouldn’t let Nana’s death be an excuse for me to drink. I am so proud when I think back of that time actually, of the strength I had and how I was able to help my family and get us through the funeral process and saying goodbye, because I was sober. I saw how alcohol did not help others in my family, but actually made their processing and grief more difficult.
Staying sober during that time was a ray of light in a dark room. I totally understand how it can be so easy to want to escape the grief / the reality and therefore drink or use - I’ve been there too - but it’s definitely a bad decision. One that you’ll regret. I try to remember this and, despite how I might feel, I’ll choose sobriety. It’s always the better decision.
Beautiful post. I will always regret not being “present” for my grandmother’s final year of life. Alcohol had me licked at that point. Robbed me of so much. Glad to be on the other side of it for today at least.
There’s a difference between struggling and working hard. Sure both of them can drain your energy, but only one will yield results.
My first two “attempts” at sobriety were exhausting because they were a constant struggle. I made constant excuses, continued to poison personal relationships, and generally did everything but put in the work. Predictably both attempts lasted less than 60 days.
My final attempt at sobriety I was equally exhausted, but that was from putting in the work. It wasn’t easy but at least I knew it was heading somewhere. I cut the bullshit excuses, worked on improving myself through AA and therapy, and generally followed suggestions rather than whining about how they wouldn’t work for me.
All the exhaustion from early sobriety is complete worth it now. I get to enjoy the balance in my life. I don’t have to struggle because I opted to do the work instead.
Untreated alcoholism is guaranteed to fuck you up so that you cannot think straight.
A guy not two weeks sober goes away for a weekend where there will be a party with booze and drugs. Another one at 4 years comes literally within sniffing distance of taking a drink after fantasizing about it for a long time and setting himself up by working 72 hours a week for months.
The problem in both these cases is that they did not drink. So now, their thinking that they can do this on their own has been reinforced. And the disease grins a little and licks its chops - the little lamb is wandering closer to slaughter.
Alcoholism is insidious, sneaky, the denial we have to have to bear it in active addiction is carried over for months and years into sobriety, if left unchecked. My higher power has given me reassurance and love and strength. And dope slaps upside my head when calling me on my bullshit. I was 3-4 months in, and a guy in a meeting had the brass to insinuate that I was always looking for validation, a “pat on the back” for even minor behaviors like going to work on time and staying all day. Man, did that frost me!
I need a higher power who I can trust to tell me the truth, tough if needed, gentle if possible, when I ask it “How am I doing?”.
I might get some slack for saying this. While I do agree with the message, and I usually find your posts insightful, this specific post right here is the TS equivalent of sub tweeting. And I don’t see how that’s helpful. Both people you mentioned here without tagging are actual human beings who shared their stories and bared their souls. Turning around and shitting on them on another thread without at least tagging them is not ok. Borders on mean-girls type bullying behaviour.
I bare my soul on here as do many others. We aren’t case studies or points to be made.
I can understand how my post might be perceived as derogatory. I did indirectly identify those two and my tone was forceful. But please read it again for content.
I mentioned these two not to speak ill of them, but to reflect on my own illness and spiritual state. And I did directly address to each person the problems that narrow escapes can cause on the source threads.
Context and shading and nuances of communication are easily lost in a written medium. I did not intend any harm.
I don’t think you meant any harm at all. Your post is insightful, but you did use those two members as ‘case studies’ to make a point. And I personally don’t think it’s ok to do that without people’s consent.
We have so little control of how our personal lives, images and stories get passed around on the internet. But Iike to think people on this forum are a bit more considerate.
My first “attempt” At sobriety I was convinced that I only had a heroin problem. To me booze was not the issue. Less than 2 months into my sobriety I ended up on a wine tour. I mean I had willpower right? So I survived the wineries but being around it all day gave me the itch. As we were all hanging out and I couldn’t take it anymore. 6 beers later and I’m passed out on the boat. That night I was at the crack house and the next day I was back on heroin. I relapsed for over year all because I thought a wine tour was a good idea
I sometimes think ‘ohhhhh no’. How predictable is it that this or that won’t work. But then I have to step back and remind myself that I had to learn it the hard way as well. When it was maybe still early in my addiction I wouldn’t have listened. We can only live life forward and can understand it only backwards. For me it’s hard to see people struggling who won’t come and take the help that is offered. When I was deep in my addictive thinking the voice fighting for its life which meant drinking I often lost the fight: decision was made, drinking it was. That I call it a decision (deep iny self-pity hole) I can only say now, back then I couldn’t help but following the first impulse. If we would all learn from the past and what people made wrong in the past the world would be a much better place.
Yes so true! @AyBee post made me laugh:sweat_smile: It seems that for the majority of us, we exhaust every other possible (aka impossible) solution before we even begrudgingly and resentfully contemplate it’s removal altogether. Grateful I survived the process to able to be here today
When I was still drinking and deep down I knew it was problematic but I was still coming up with all these ingenious, fool-proof plans to regulate my drinking I happened to see a bit of the show Shameless that my boyfriend was watching, in which Lip is sitting at the bar with a couple of tokens explaining that the tokens represent how many drinks he can have, with a bunch of caveats regarding beer vs liquor and a bunch of sub rules and exceptions, and it made me acutely uncomfortable to see my internal mental alcoholic rationalizations so clearly represented. It was one of those moments where the lights come up a bit in the dark corners of your brain and you begin to see the outlines of the things you’re trying desperately to avoid.
And it is so utterly exhausting…I truly don’t think we grasp how mentally and emotionally exhausting it is ‘trying to figure out’ the ‘magic combo’…until we are free and can like actually breathe for a few minutes.
