I’ll be honest with you . One of the first times I ever seen one of your comments on someone’s post my first thought was “ Jesus that was harsh” lol. But as I’ve hung out here longer,I’ve realized that you just told that person an uncomfortable truth that nobody else wanted to. I really respect your ability to be able to tell it like it is .
10 Likes
Look at that another fan of your wisdom @CanadianGirl
I believe your words of experience are appreciated most when one realizes you are here to help with no Bull Shit.
However I have been wanting to respond to one of your posts recently. I read them all and appreciate every word. I have mindfully thought how to express my opinion and in no way am I arguing your statement. It is rather Stupid and unnecessary but I keep thinking about it. On the “What are you doing to stay sober” Topic you expressed that walking your dog was not something to do for your Sobriety but meetings and educating oneself on addiction etc. was what you should be doing. My Drunken Life was spent in bed for days at a time. Now sober and I have a 100+ pound dog that needs to be exercised I have to get out of bed and run her. Just today as I lounged an extra hour in bed (because I could) I knew I had to get up and get outside to have her run. I do believe walking the dog can be beneficial to sobriety. Taking on a responsibility of a pet can do wonders for the mind. Thanks for being here.
9 Likes
@tailee17 I understand what your saying here with these things helping your sobriety as I was definitely having similar thoughts because for me as well things like walking dogs, cooking meals with and for my family, choosing different activities in the evening instead of drinking are helping my sobriety. They definitely do but more in a just in that moment kind of sense. Where I see what @Englishd saying as more of what is going to help your sobriety long term. One day when my dogs are gone what will keep me sober? One day when I no longer have kids at home to cook for what will keep me sober ?? Well it’s the dealing with my life traumas , staying connected with others here, journaling, remembering everything I have to be grateful for etc… at least that’s how I’ve kind of taken it 
4 Likes
I agree having a pet is helpful, especially getting out of the house daily, giving a structure- routine and companionship.
Mine was 1 when I got sober and shes been by my side through the last 5 years, she contributes to my happiness and daily activities but if something happened to her I wouldnt allow myself to drink cope because my sobriety isnt dependent on having her.
Rather my sobriety allows me to be responsible enough to have and care for a dog. But if and when she dies my sobriety will continue because Ive already prepared myself for the fact it will happen.
My sobriety is dependant on my choices and not my circumstances.
7 Likes
What are you doing for you recovery TODAY?
Walking your dog helped your recovery that day.
I didn’t agree with his post that day. I post about my “hobbies” in there. My hobbies have been great for my recovery. So is cleaning and organizing. I’ve heard it said inside the rooms that my external is a good reflection of my internal. That resonates with me. When my insides are a mess, it flows outside. Cleaning my house today, helps me feel good about myself today, and that’s good for my recovery.
11 Likes
Oooooh i like this question of differentiating between something we are distracting ourselves with (especially in early sobriety) so that we dont drink vs. work we are putting in for long-term sobriety. I agree with @tailee17 that both things can belong in the “what are you doing today for your sobriety” forum, but its an interesting distinction to make mentally that I hadnt thought about. So thanks so much for the thread I will be more mindful of prioritizing things that will get me to 1,000 days over things that will get me to 30. I know I need both to make it anywhere.
One day at a time is starting to mean more than just “stay sober today,” its reminding me that one day at a time I have to build the foundation of long term sobriety with meetings, stepwork, reading, and participating on here learning from you all. 
:fire:
8 Likes
I’ve always popped in there and shared whatever I felt helped me get to that point today and what will get me to bed sober. Some of the things are also things that will help me long term. Won’t be changing anything in that aspect but definitely understand the point of what really needs to be done to make it long term.
4 Likes
Distractions and hobbies and working on our selves internally can create lasting change. What begins as distraction, can become a new healthier habit (walking the dog, home cooking healthy meals, cleaning our home). Habits then become our way of life. Much like bad habits and addiction…what we feed, grows.
For me, I had to have laser focus on distractions in early days, weeks, months and for me that meant working on my physical, mental and social support/community via physical activity, journaling, reading, being active on forums, etc. For others that may mean meetings, rehab, taking medications, etc.
As I gained sober muscles and lots of sober tools, distractions became habits and self soothing techniques became tools that helped me turn 1 day to 2,895. Right now, today, and over the past year have been really dismal for me, with a lot of mental health and situational / life challenges, yet drinking rarely crosses my mind and certainly not seriously…I know for a fact, it would only make the challenges of life more painful and hard to cope with. Life is hard enough ATM without complicating it more.
I believe we can and do heal if we do our work to uncover our core needs/wounds. Just my experience tho. Everyone finds their own way…or they don’t. I wish for a world where we all find peace and health by whatever means works. 
16 Likes
I think your doing great!
3 Likes
Thank you, I definitely keep getting up everyday and trying my best. It all any of us can do though, right?
4 Likes
Bookmarking this
3 Likes
I do not believe there is one “right way”. If there was, this forum wouldn’t exist. You’d get given the “right way” by someone in your life and that’d be it.
Tough love is fine, sometimes we all need to hear it, but compassion is necessary too.
9 Likes
“My sobriety is dependant on my choices and not my circumstances.”
Well said! 
5 Likes
Oof. I totally get where you are coming from and respect your opinion & presence on forum. But just adding in my two cents…
I think there are sooo many of us who “pick up” despite knowing “WHAT” to do… and I realize folks don’t have to “save us all”… but the “don’t waste my time” is a tough one… I get ignoring those posts/people etc, but also just thank goodness for those who DO “waste their time” and show support, encouragement etc… I don’t think it’s necessarily encouraging them to relapse. But showing support, showing not giving up can help.
Maybe it’s just that I haven’t found my way yet. But hearing support from others about keeping going helps. Whether it be alcohol, drugs, relationships, abuse, etc.
I’m not meaning to get personal but I feel we might share having been in a physically abusive relationship in past… (if I’m wrong, my apologies, but if not, this point might still be helpful to others). I “knew” it was wrong, I “knew” what I needed to do to leave, rectify that situation etc. But it’s not so simple as knowing. If other abused women told me they left their situation, and told me they didn’t want to “waste their time” to help me since my solution was to leave, I might feel discouraged or ashamed to share etc and just stay where I am. Give up.
Just wanting to reach out to those who might know what to do, but struggle with following through. I grew up with tough love, and I fully support it, but I am learning there can be a spectrum of tough love.
Xo
20 Likes
Like you, I think encouragement is vitally important. Knowing you are not alone, that there is not something inherently wrong with you is important. We are so so down on our selves…even a tiny bit of support and encouragement can plant a seed. Sometimes it takes a lot of time for seeds to grow. It took me forever to get sober…a full on decade. But I did. I had to find the belief in my self and nurture that, baby it. I had hated myself for so long, put myself down and all but given up on myself. Much like when I was in an abusive marriage …very little self confidence or self love …just beaten down by what I could not manage to do.
I understand it is a challenge for some people to stay engaged with helping or support when someone doesn’t seem to ‘get it’. And that is okay, that is their journey. We needn’t force ourselves to a compassion or empathy we are not feeling, nor should we feel ashamed if we just don’t have the bandwidth to answer the never ending cries of help. We can each only give so much…we each need to care for our selves and loved ones/community.
I am eternally grateful to those who came before me and helped lift me when I needed a bit of carrying. We all have our own ways of contributing in life. And there is always someone here to lend moral support and also some tough love. …take that what feeds your soul and helps you. We are never alone here. Never stop believing in yourself, never give up. You are worthy.
13 Likes
I agree fully… it’s so very hard to “pour from an empty cup” so to speak… great post, Sassy
Edited to add, I agree we certainly can’t “save them all”
5 Likes
Keep all this mushy gushy stuff off the asshole sobriety thread 
16 Likes
5 Likes
I agree encouragement and compassion is important in welcoming new people and helping people who are reaching out for it. But I’ve definitely seen some instances here where I am left reading someone’s almost identical post again about the same thing again, getting the same advice Again and doing the exact same nothing again. In those instances I really think a tougher approach may be needed. Apparently around here that’s when it’s time for @Englishd to step in. Lol
10 Likes
It is definitely one approach and certainly Derek’s forte.
3 Likes