Just in the thinking zone and maybe overthinking stuff. But when I look back to my drinking days I was filling a hole inside, emptyness.
I do not know where this empty feeling comes from. Maybe thinking I’m not enough?
Not enough for me as well as for others?
Working on that though but still I feel that hole these sober days.
I discover myself trying to fill it with activaties, doing new things in life, meeting new people.
But still it’s not enough.
Is this my addiction brain? Needing more then I have? Ore just me not being satisfied enough with my life? Can’t find my answer in this.
I’m happy with my life despite the hole.
Today I added meditation to my daily routines, hope that helps. Just needed it out of my chest, thank you for listening.
I hear you…i have the hole too…but i think i had the hole when i was drinking too but i just didnt care about it then…ive always had a feeling of not being enough because of childhood events basically teaching me so…im working on that…on my self esteem and i know from doing that the hole doesnt feel such a deep chasm…i also think alot about how society seems to dictate that we should always be striving for something asthough we shouldnt be happy with our lot…which is why i came off social media…i try to focus on what i do have not what i dont have which also helps but please know i understand and you are not alone 
Drinking didn’t fill that hole. It just made us forget it was there.
An important part of the answer in my opinion is that we don’t need to fill that void. Certainly not always, all the time. That’s our western consumerist materialistic minds talking. It’s not possible to do so either. Instead we should accept that it’s there, embrace it, feel it, live it, love it. The best creative ideas come from that emptiness, from experiencing it, accepting it, loving it, not from us frantically and desperately trying to fill the hole.
We’re animals. Capable of thinking some complicated thoughts but still. Let’s be in the moment, enjoy being alive, enjoy this beautiful planet around us, let’s enjoy that we’re together, all of us part of the living world, part of the universe, let the creative energy flow through us. Stop overthinking indeed. Be. And please let me know how you did it when you achieve it 
.
Thank you, and yes I deleted my social media a half a year ago for the same reason. I try to focus on today and the good things in life to and I’m really proud of where I am today. But sometimes that whole makes me wonder if I do enough to fill it ore find a way to cope with it.
Be…
Just today…
Live…
I know, and I know I’m overthinker, always was.
If I read the both of you then I’m not the only one with this feeling. That’s a comfort.
Embracing that hole, I don’t know about that one.
But maybe accepting that it’s part of me and it will not leave me is a start to deal with it?
Maybe we could accept that the hole is there but that it doesnt define us…we stop trying to fill the hole with the things we enjoy doing so that those things we enjoy arent done as a consequence to the need to fill the hole but as something we just like doing…maybe while we enjoy the moment the hole loses its importance
Came here to write something similar.
It’s not us that’s not enough, not doing enough or not having enough. It’s the society our modern world that made us think that way, so they can sell us what we’re “lacking”.
Which creates jobs because someone needs to produce the things people “want” to buy.
So we can be more beautiful, happy, thin or whatever we think might be wrong with us.
And while making those things so we can buy the things we lack we makes someone already rich more rich.
It’s a scam.
No one is perfect but the people who sell stuff wants us to believe that we can be perfect if we buy their things. And don’t get me started on the “Easy your guilt save the world” scam that sells everything from highly processed vegan food to environmental friendly gasoline.
@Mno basically already voiced my thoughts.
You mentioned you are adding meditation to your routines. Sit with your discomfort, with you whole, don’t anlyse it, don’t try to push it away. Just sit with it. Observe it. Become you own scientist and your own science project.
Overthinking is often said to be an attempt to controlling life. Addiction is a lot about trying to control things we cannot. We start with accepting we cannot control our DOC. But this fantasy of control goes much deeper. Look at yourself, look at your life, look at those around you: How are we trying to hold on to this illusion of control.
This, this is me. This is what I try to describe but couldn’t. Thank you for giving it words.
Control
Thank you for this Aga, this helps. Working active to try to be less in control but manage to want to control that too. Are you following me? 
I felt that hole for a very long time as well, so you are definitely not alone. It was such a relief when I came to the place where I understood that ‘the hole’ doesn’t need feeding or filling (tho as a human I still do spend plenty of time trying to). As lovely Starlight14 shared, for me a lot of that feeling was self love, self confidence, self respect and sobriety helped me find that compassion for myself again and that led to healing.
Also, it was a big moment when I realized there is nothing inherently ‘wrong’ with me, the ‘hole’ does not need filling…‘no thing’ is going to magically ‘solve’ the problem of me as there is nothing wrong with me. The striving, the need to achieve…all an illusion of control of some kind. What we have is this moment, our selves, in all our messy imperfection. There is no end game where all life’s challenges are cured, where we are perfect in our words and deeds. Where the pain/suffering of being human is filled. The inquiry lies within this space and honoring that space with loving kindness and awareness. Sitting with our selves as we are. Humans.
A big question! I love it. 
I hear ya 
We are all in this camp. This is part of the so called human condition. We try to run away from ourselves, from life, from what? It’s endless.
Buddha claimed to had found a way to stop running. Maybe he did.
Thank you all for replying to me.
It cleared a lot, really!
Wow! Can i ever relate to ur post! I too felt an emptiness like a void inside of me… from a very early age. I also dont know how it came about exactly. Wether it was mental health stuff or childhood stuff etc I definitly know the void was there before i even picked up a substance. I tried to fill that hole with various outside sources to try and make myself feel okay in my own skin. Now im not trying to make this into a spiritual post lol but i truly find that when i am spiritually connected, i dont feel that void at all. Im not searching for someone or something to make me happy, to make me feel okay. I am content and at peace and satisfied with my current state. For me, i feel like that void is a spiritual void. So when i feel spiritually connected, that void goes away. I hope this makes sense 
I do this too. Everyday all day. I have this never ending urge to do something. Anything. So I day dream about what I could do. It makes me feel worse sometimes about all the wasted potential.
I resonate with these statements. However it is that I am connected to that greater wholeness, the unnamed yearning that I had while I was active in my alcoholism has resolved.
Beautiful post and beautiful replies. Lately I’ve been trying to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with me. I think I always had the hole, drank to fill it, embraced that I am an alcoholic and am now trying to come out of my damaged era. I have made choices to fill that hole but I don’t have to hold on to that broken persona. I am a human, being.
Therapy is the next step in my recovery. I just have to reach out for that first appointment. I love any conversation about the deep stuff so thanks for having it here. Hugs to all you perfectly imperfect humans, being.
Oh man do I feel you on this one! That hole was as big as the Grand Canyon for me at one time! What do I think of when I think of that hole? Pain and anxiety- all negative stuff. Yup, it was about not feeling that I’m good enough, bad memories, or not adequately living up to an expectation (whether it be mine or my family). And as Mno stated above, the alcohol was a way to forget about it. I used to call it “unplug the emotions” when I was in active addiction. Now when I start to feel that creeping “hole” feelings, I try to think of where it is stemming from. I’m not saying this is the answer for you, but it sure does help me. And I also think of what is in my control and what is out of my control, when I find out where this is stemming from. It can be for the day or for my whole lifetime…where is this feeling coming from? Then I discuss it with someone I trust to locate the issue. I then make a plan to alleviate the feeling. Bad day- what made it bad? And what is in my control to fix it for tomorrow? It’s out of my control- then I need to find a longer term solution for my sanity AND sobriety. Or whatever else plan that needs to be done. I’ve even had to cut toxic people out of my life or put them at arms length after locating certain issues. Sorry if this is a bit much for an answer but that hole has been the reason for so much in my life- I even mentioned it in my bio. I hope this helps and if not sending you big hugs and love for insight 
Yes, I echo Emilie - beautiful post and beautiful replies.
Aga already mentioned the human condition. It’s not just addicts who have this hole, this emptiness - seemingly so full of everything I want to avoid: pain, grief, anger, shame, the raw gnawing that it’s not okay, I’m not okay. Not at all.
I have long avoided it. Never even wanted to name it.
Enter therapy and recovery dharma. Had to name it. I called mine “a void”. A void to avoid.
Then, the unthinkable. To move into it. Decorate it, even. Not to live in, no, but to be able to visit. Somewhere I can be comfortable being uncomfortable.
I described this void to my therapist. Mine is a gutted, bombed out, dust still settling basement. Exposed bricks and rubble and some embers from some kind of disaster or several. No natural light, only a few shafts. Empty bottles everywhere, at least on day 1. Well, that was then…
Now? It’s tidied. Not 100%. There are still some walls that need repairing, but the floor is swept, smoothed. It’s still dark, mostly, but there is nice soft lighting, a big old comfy chair for reflecting (meditating, praying, depending on your practice). And napping. I am by myself in this void, but here I can connect with my core, can recognize the connection beyond, and it is less uncomfortable.
When the ick feelings come? I still work at it, but maybe it’s an invitation to go into the void, sit comfortably in the discomfort, or try to - and know it’s okay that it’s not okay. 
Emm I love this!!