Today I’m going to see a friend who’s also been my dealer for years. We’re friends first and if we’re hanging out the shits always free and it’s always flowing. He called me and he’s downtown at a hotel. He’s dealing with the death of a friend and needs somebody. I know he’s coming down and doesn’t want to and wants company and to come back up. I know the feeling. I hate coming down more than anything and that’s what my problem is. I’ve avoided him and coke for over 3 months but I’m only 11 days and 11 hours sober drinking and smoking weed. My problem was coke but somewhere i subbed it for alcohol and now they’re kind of intertwined. I’ve only ever made it 12 days sober from alcohol, so I’m about to break that record… if i can. And i thought it would be easy to get through another 12 hours to hit that mark…but I’m struggling. I’m telling myself if i don’t drink then i won’t do coke. And that’s true, i think. But I’ve never been able to see it in front of me and not do it. But those times i was also drinking. When i was trying just to cut coke out and not use, just drink, he would be like you want some? And i would say no and explain why and he would say ‘That sounds like a you problem.’ and it kind of hurt? I guess i felt either guilty or alienated and i didn’t want to feel alone. It’s always about feeling alone. I’ve been so depressed and all the exercise and journaling and meditation isn’t doing it. I just want to get high. I just want to not feel like this, so low. I’m trying to get a friend to come with me because i don’t drive and i feel like i need that getaway car. And someone to hold me accountable. A backup. Something to ground me. A hotel is like so apart from my actual world and life, with nothing to look at and remind me of what I’m doing or what’s iimportant. Writing this out now, i have this stupid idea to take this framed picture of my dad with me and put it up on the desk in the hotel room or something. I used to be a lot closer to him, but he’s preoccupied with another life and his new family. It’s been that way for 10 or more years. He loves me but it’s different. What i need from him emotionally takes a backseat to his wife and her kids and his day-to-day life. Maybe it’s something i should have gotten over by now, but not feeling like i have support has always been a reason to numb myself from any pain or hurt. He’s a really understanding guy, and knows about me struggling with this. But his wife’s an alcoholic and he’s just accepted that. He enables her. He doesn’t drink himself but he buys her handles. Idk this is a messy post, and I’m sorry for that. Any advice on seeing this friend at the hotel and not spiraling out or going on a bender is really appreciated. This is the only place i know where to go. My other friend isn’t answering and I’ll probably be going downtown alone.
My advice is to absolutely not go and meet him. Re-read what you just posted.
Yea same advice here- I wouldn’t meet up w him. It’s too dicey of a situation to put urself in and it’s not fair to you. I totally understand u wanting to be there for him and all but you’ve gotta be there for urself first.
Let him know u can’t make it and run- like literally. Just put on some angry music and run it out and away. We’re here for u.
I can’t avoid him forever 
U right- u can’t- we can’t just avoid things. Buuuuuuuut we can step up and game up to strengthen ourselves to be ready to go ball when the time comes to tackle it and right now is not that time. Trust ur feelings and intuition, once I find myself spiraling and overthinking and justifying things I know it’s bc I’m trying to do or rationalize something I shouldn’t be doing- and in that sense, avoidance is THE best route. 
‘I can’t make it’ doesn’t work in the long run. How have you dealt with this in your own life? What did that conversation look like? Avoidance just gives me so much anxiety because he’s just gonna hit me up again in another couple days. And then what do i say?. I’ve been dodging him for 3 months. I’m running out of excuses. I know i have to avoid the substance but this has been my friend for years. I’m not the type to just cut someone out, I’m just not. The conversation needs to happen and i don’t know how to do that. I agree with you but it just doesn’t feel that simple
I hope i can get past that point sooner than later
Maybe y’all are right that this is the only move i have right now. I want to give him more than that bc i really love the dude and we are close. It feels cheap to just dodge him. But maybe y’all are right and it isn’t the right time for the convo idk
Have u been honest w him and about how meeting up w him triggers ur addiction? I’ve had to say that out loud and it was really embarrassing for me and so much anxiety leading up to it but at the end when all was said and done, I legit felt like a huge weight was lifted. I haven’t had a situation where I told someone that I wasn’t able to be there or show up bc it triggers my addiction and puts my road to recovery at jeopardy end negatively in the sense the person didn’t respect it or ended our relationship. But if that does happen to me then I’ll know where my focus on relationships needs to lie- the relationship I have w myself is my priority.
I like how you said that at the end. I’m truly not used to making myself a priority- that’s a whole other thing to unpack. And no i haven’t said it out loud like that. It absolutely does feel embarrassing. Even to use the word addiction… it’s like we’re not supposed to say that u know. Like that’s a bad word, were just having a good time, dont kill the vibe.
Update: my old neighbor just stopped by to pick up his mail and he just got out of rehab and he’s almost 90 days clean meth and heroin. I told him he’s exactly the person i needed to see right now.it helped to have that conversation in person, and see someone i know doing the same thing. He told me he’s had to cut a lot of people out. He has a gf now and he said that’s really helped because he has someone else to pass the time with. He doesn’t feel so lonely. And he’s hanging out with other people that are on that better path, people with kids and higher priorities. People to keep him grounded. I really need to find those people for myself. I’m okay being single, but i need to feel like i have family out here.
I’m about to send that text and tell the guy downtown i can’t go and try to be honest about why. I feel like i don’t want to hear the guilt and shit on the other end of a phone call so I’m gonna bitch out and send a text. Wish me luck.
If he is dealing and using forever, you can and you should.
Ive been clean for a while. If I was hanging out with someone and they broke out their stash. I would still be very tempted. Its best not to put myself into that scenario if I can avoid it.
I hope you not only break that record. Shatter it! 
Do not go.
It will not do either of you any favours, you enable each other.
1249 days ago I decided my life was important. I took a gun out of my mouth and decided to get sober. Being sober was truly a life or death situation.
Anything that had to do with alcohol was gone. I changed people, places and things.
People…if they were friends, then they knew I couldn’t be around alcohol. Those that couldnt grasp that were out of my life. My sobriety is just that important to me. True friends understood that.
I had a “friend” experiencing a traumatic life experience. I was about 30 days sober. She needed a shoulder to cry on. She wanted to do it at a bar. She knew about my sober journey. She was drunk, out of booze at home. I offered to pick her up and buy her dinner at a restaurant that didnt serve alcohol. She said that wasnt what she needed. I told her to call me when what I could offer, met her needs.
I have not missed that friend.
As hard at is- you have to disassociate yourself COMPLETELY with past triggers. I changed my number. It was hard (and still is), but its the only reason I’m sober right now. Remove the temptation.
U got this hun- go do and be ur best you:+1:t3:
This might come off as harsh, but is there a question here? I see that you’ve put your situation out, but you haven’t asked for advice and you seem set on doing this–at least from the post.
I understand that your friend is struggling, and that sounds very difficult. But you are not your friend’s caretaker. Why are you putting yourself in a dangerous situation just to be there for them? You can email or text saying you care, but you can also put up healthy boundaries by letting them know you are choosing not to see them right now because you are tending to your own wounds.
You are also important. Your feelings are just as important as your friend’s. Your future is at stake. You need to treat yourself like you would treat your best friend. Would you allow your best friend to put themselves in harm’s way? Would you say their future was less important than comforting someone?
You must make yourself a priority if you are to stay sober. No matter how much you care about your friend, you must care for yourself more. This is not a self-centered thing, but a self-preservation thing.
Now, of course, you can go. But ask yourself why are you really going? What do you get out of it? Be honest. Does it help you feel like you are a good person? That you have worth because you are tending to someone else? Where do you get your worth from? Why is comforting your friend more important than your life?
Chiron- I think if you read through it again, you will see that at the end of my (admittedly) messy post, I ask for advice on how I can see my friend without succumbing to temptation. The overall consensus was that i can’t. At least not at the stage I’m at now. I made the choice to stay home and send that person a text because i am making myself and my sobriety the priority. I gave some background story that does, in a way, answer your questions. I said that it all has always come down to isolation and lack of support or a feeling of family for me. So I’ve gone out and tried to find that family myself. It’s gotten me to the point i am now. To me, setting a boundary with this person, or any of the many alcoholics i call friends, feels like i am risking losing that ‘family’ that I’ve come to rely on. And that’s a really hard part to get over. If you read through the discourse with the other members you’ll see that that is the decision i came to, because in the end i am choosing myself, even when it is hard. I wasn’t sure at all how to draw that boundary with my friend, and some people gave advice that helped me recenter my thinking around myself. I borrowed some of the wording from another member and this is the exact text i sent my friend: “I’m sorry, i can’t show up because it triggers my addiction and i gotta be real about that. I’m here for you, only a phone call away. I love you.” I didn’t get a response back and it’s been hours. Sending it did give me some relief actually. It was more honest than making up some excuse, and it sets the tone for the next time he hits me up, if he does. I’m appreciative of the tough love. I was in crisis this morning. After a few hours of talking to other members i was able to get out of that tunnel vision and focus on what lies ahead. This is the first time I’ve set a boundary like this in regards to my addiction, so it was a difficult and profound moment for me that i now feel better for. Thank you for asking the hard questions, I’m asking myself some of the same things every day, every time i have a craving, and every time there’s been a hard moment. Almost at 12 days!! Only 7 hours to go. I know if i can make it now, then i can absolutely break my record and go to 13…and so on. Having the will power to stand up for myself in this moment has been important for me.
You did that. My apologies for not seeing it. That’s what I get for trying to multitask, so I’m sorry if I came off as not having paid attention.
I think it’s great that you decided not to go. I really do. I think you’re doing amazing but I also know that sometimes there are those people who will do anything to be there for others, but in the end it is precisely those people who end up getting screwed over time and again.
I don’t know you, but I am proud of you for standing up for yourself in an honest and genuine way. It’s too easy to hide behind an excuse, and while we might say it’s to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings, there’s also some not wanting to deal with any possible fall out for being honest.
Every victory like this builds the house of the new life future you will live in. It takes bravery to be honest to yourself and others. It is the same thing as being sober. It’s about living a genuine life, without hiding behind anything.
You’re doing great.