Trying to understand how it works (AA)

I am pretty much brand new. Is there anyone who can explain to me how this works… I’m talking about the steps. How does doing those 12 steps cure my alcoholism? I can see how the fellowship itself can help support someone to not take a drink… But i keep hearing people say something along the lines of “once i got to step such and such i was relieved of my compulsion to drink”. What do those steps have to do with wanting to drink? And my next question is even more important–. Has anyone ever seen someone work all twelve steps and still go out and drink? I heard one person say that she asked her sponsor if she could promise her that if she did the steps and did everything she was told to do that she would not want to drink again and she said her sponsor told her that yes she could promise her that…
I just don’t understand it all… So here i am just like that girl asked… I’m asking you all… If i get a good sponsor and do what they say and work those steps will i really not want to drink anymore???

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This may sound really really snarky and maybe a bit assholish b/c hard to convey on the interwebs (and I am a goat).

This is all in my opinion and experience – You cannot think your way out of being an alcoholic. It isn’t a formula or something that makes rational sense. If it could be deduced to something so mathematic, everyone would be sober AF and happy joyous and free.

I am Goat and I am an alcoholic. By the grace of God and the help of those in the rooms, I am over 10 months without a drink one day at a time. I was a daily heavy drinker for well over a decade and drank probably at least 5 days a week for only God knows how long but likely at least as long as I was a daily drinker. From my moment of clarity, grace, divine intervention, (what ever you call it) I have not had more than one or two instances of physical compulsion to drink in that time at the beginning. Any mental thought of a drink was solely b/c I wanted to avoid what I was feeling at that moment b/c that is what I always did.

While some here will probably dispute this, on a good day, I think I am a fairly intelligent person, I have some sheepskins and student loans to remind me when I doubt it. When I started this journey, several counselors/therapists and “facilities” told me I was too smart to get sober – literally some told me I couldn’t do it. I was also told that I wasn’t an alcoholic b/c I didn’t do X, Y, or Z or have a family history (I didn’t have the “yets” as I now understand). Early on, I was told that I was going to relapse by a counselor b/c I didn’t get a sponsor or force the ones I had to engage or do a list of the other things he wanted me to do.

At every point in my life prior to this, I asked why to everything. It is how I understand the world. Every action causes another and by tracing the causes of actions back, I thought I could explain anything. I also thought there was nothing that Goat couldn’t do. I would work harder, be smarter, and fucking do whatever had to be done to show you, since you would not just listen to me that my way was better. And boy, did I show everyone. All of my character defects allowed me to succeed beyond anything i really could have imagined as a kid. It also dumped gasoline on my alcoholism – and brought me to my bottom.

I will save some of the backstory, but as I mentioned elsewhere, I just kept coming back. I put myself in a chair at a meeting every single day. I may have only had three hours sleep, but I was in that chair. Blizzard and holidays, I was still in that chair. I could not explain what happened to me to change me, nor could I explain why I was compelled to keep coming back-- as I didn’t really have the urge to drink. But I did. Not sure why. And the program washed over me meeting after meeting. Until one day, I realized I was right where I belonged… Now I willingly do service in multiple groups and meetings (Chair a group and am secretary in another), speak when asked, have a sponsor and am getting to work on all of the step work.

Why or how did this happen? Beyond, my higher power, I do not know and for once in my life, I do not care. Yes my life may be pretty miserable, but I know how much more miserable it would have been had I not sobered up. I know that some of the yets that happened to others, were waiting there for me. For whatever reason, my higher power saw fit to give me an opportunity at this gift before those yets got me. I cannot tell you why this is a better path beyond it could be worse, I just know it is. And that is fine by me.

Maybe you won’t have the sudden white light experience to stop drinking, not everyone does. Maybe you will have physical and mental issues in stopping for a while. It happens. Even if you cannot stop asking why or keep drinking, just try to stay the least bit open that the program can or may work, without you understanding it and controlling how it happens. And for me, most importantly, keep going to meetings, whether you want to or not.

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Why dont you phone the woman you meet at the meeting who is 10 years sober she might be able to explain it to you.wish you well

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The steps represent a wholesale change in my life. I can get rid of resentments, clean up the wreckage of my past and learn to help others along their journey. Recovery is a life long process. As soon as I stop working on my recovery I start working on a relapse. I was a horrible person when I drank, the steps make me not as horrible.

Most importantly they have worked for millions of people. I’m not special or different, so why wouldn’t they work for me.

I don’t care how they work. I just care that they do work.

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I don’t think there is a guaranteed answer to your questions. What I know is this: when I stumbled my way to AA, I felt like the lowest form of life on the planet. I thought that if anyone really knew me - knew the terrible things I had done, the amount of hatred and self loathing I felt, the false pride with which I lived my life- they would immediately run as far away from me as possible. Through hearing people’s stories in meetings, and through working the steps, I am learning to live a factually and emotionally honest life. I have accounted for the things I have done, have been completely honest about them, and I am learning to forgive myself for them. I’ve learned to keep my ego in check and to try to be gentle with people. I’ve learned how important it is to help others. I’ve learned to be conscious of my part in conflicts and to promptly apologize as needed. I’ve learned that I cannot control people, and sometimes I just have to turn issues over to my higher power for guidance.

Has it removed the compulsion to ever drink again? I don’t know. Is my alcoholism cured? No. What AA has given me is tools with which to deal with my cravings…my insecurities…my resentments…my emotions…the things that once prompted me to drink. Am I happy, joyous and free? Honestly - yes. I feel like a totally different woman than who I was 119 days ago. I no longer change who I am, nor do I numb my feelings with alcohol. Are there still bad days? Absolutely. But most time I have the skills to deal with them - or I call someone who can help me - or I pray for guidance. All of those things together help me to not drink today.

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I dont think theres a cure for alcoholism honestly… we can put our disease at rest, but as far as it going away, I dont know about. Steps or not… what I can tell you is that working the Steps, has changed my life though. To answer your question, I do know people who have worked the Steps and drank again and people who have done the 12 Steps and have stayed sober. I’ve witnessed both. For me personally, I have found a freedom with working them. I was able to move forward from some things I “drank at” for a long time. I was able to forgive some of the things I was holding on to for years! And forgive myself for some things ive done in my past… I cant explain how it works, but it helps. It got me outside of myself and to think about someone else for once. See, I thought I was giving and caring, but come to find out I was being selfish when drinking and using. But it’s something I’m aware of now so i can work on it… But I’ve had so many questions for so many years now and AA has helped me begin the process of getting answers… it’s a pretty cool experience, once i gave it a chance. And i mean like gave AA a true chance at working. I get it, everyone has their doubts, but when i thought about it like, what if this could work. What if working the steps helps. I had a lot of what’s ifs and was skeptical. I was in and out the rooms for 5 years before giving it a true chance. But once I did, things changed… what did I have to lose?

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If I may bluntly say, you may be putting the cart before the horse. Like others have said, it is a process. I do not do AA, but I am familiar with what the steps are meant to do. I believe any program can work if the person puts in the effort and “feels it”.

Imagine this: you’re five years old, you got a new bike for your birthday, and you hop on that thing thinking you’re gonna take off and be a pro. But you don’t even get two feet before you fall on your face. Your parent comes outside, slaps some training wheels on that thing and now you can at least learn how to pedal without falling over. Sometimes you peddle backwards on accident and slam the brakes on, but eventually you get it. Cuz you hop on your bike every day and practice. One day, training wheels come off. Now you have to put those pedaling motions that give you thrust and momentum together with a new skill that will take a while before you get down: balance. You flop a lot, skid out, wobble, but eventually you can get it going and ride slowly. … you get the idea. Five years later, you know how to pedal, balance, steer, all that. But you still have to pay attention while you’re riding. Don’t run stop lights. Don’t ride down the middle of the road. Keep an eye out for reckless vehicles. Etcetera. Riding a bike is something that is hard AF at first, and it feels like you’re never gonna get it. You watch the big kids jumping off ramps and popping wheelies and you can’t even peddle. But you slowly get it with each new skill you learn and pull the whole thing together. You get better and better at biking the more you do it and you still have to maintain all those initial skills even after riding for years.

Hope the analogy helps.

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Love this!!!

Bike mechanics, good visual! I’m with @Gabe.G love this too!

Hey @L3AH, I’m Tracy. Just read your bio. Loved: “I am tired of this life I lead and rather than ending it, I would like to do the 2nd half of it sober.” Congratulations on your return here & count me in as one of your (hopefully valuable) supporters & cheerleaders :hugs:

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