It’s taking all my strength not to hit the fuck it button.
Stress levels are through the roof.
I’m on here to immediately distract me.
Need to focus and breathe
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Tell me something interesting to take my mind off things please guys
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Try playing the tape forward. How would you feel after a drink? Probably not bad after the first, but the first one would be just a start. How would you feel, physically and emotionally, tomorrow?
Try breathing, getting out of the house, if you can and remember that, however you feel, alcohol will make it worse.
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Good for you for coming on to focus and to talk about it. I am sorry everything is hitting you so hard. Breathe …
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Something interesting.
I saw a porcupine today! I learned I could put a chain in a water bucket so that if toads get in the water they can climb out. I also have a board in there.
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You are asking for help. People, who are the agents of a higher power, will suggest what they know. Are you willing to accept that help and try the things they suggest, without reservation?
There is someone close by you, maybe on this forum, who needs your help right now. Find such a person and help them.you might find them here, or at an online or even better, an in person, AA/NA/GA/SA meeting.
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Absolutely not!!! Remember why your doing this…DO NOT pick up… remember being homeless and as close to death you got…keep talking on here
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Maybe try ameeting meet new sober friends you can lift the phone too when your a bit shaky rather than the drink wish you well
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Hello my darling, stay checking in here…
Here, I got somink for ya:
So, you know that crappy “oh god” moment when you can’t sleep and your brain starts regurgitating all the cringy moments of your life…I’ve got some absolute belters for you to go through and distract you…get ready, the cringe is SO REAL…
When i was 13 I had this massive crush on my drama teacher…with the benefit of age i can tell you, he was categorically gay…anyway…in order to “communicate” my undying love for this poor man, I decided the most logical action was to enter our school annual dance contest…alone…with a solo piece I had created to Tina Turner’s ‘Golden Eye’. Dont ask me why.
So, I poured my chubby body into a golden leotard, yes, you heard that right, a gold shiney spandex onesie…and I exploded onto the stage and began using an invisible rope to pull myself towards him (where he was sat on the judges panel with a look of abject and horrified disbelief). There was more than one pirouette and an awful lot of pointing seductively…which I didn’t necessarily realise was AS aggressive.
Now, you might imagine this is a high school movie scenario where the mean girls mercilessly laugh me off the stage…but this is reality and, actually, pretty much everyone at my secondary school was lovely…so no-one stopped what has happening. I just relentlessly, almost violently, cartwheeled and irish-danced my way through 3 minutes of sheer horror - all the time quite convinced he would ask me to marry him afterwards.
At the zenith of the song, i blew him a kiss (oh, you thought this couldn’t get any worse? Silly you.) and genuinely, this poor guy almost burst into tears - which i took to be a very successful response at the time…my horrific mating ritual had clealy worked.
In conclusion, i was left breathlessly panting like a gold balloon (as mentioned, i was quite a chubby little 13 year old)…and he literally. ran. away. I mean it. The man ran out of the school hall like his arse was on fire and I’m fairly confident if there hadn’t been a door, he’d have just gone straight through the wall.
Believe it or not, i wasn’t bullied in the slightest…the traumatised audience just quietly clapped and the next act came on. But i did have to write an apology letter to him, literally for just being creepy and weird and making a teacher so uncomfortable that he took a week off work and refused to teach me in his class.
These are my cringe stories BEFORE i became an alcoholic…can you imagine? 
You dont need the drink darling…you just need to laugh.
Xxxx
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Hahahahhahahah holy moly hahahahhahahah
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True !!! You did make me laugh with that story haha and I’m not craving now
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You were a child with a crush. As the adult, your drama teacher reacted like an imature moron. And you having to write him an apology… I’m angry on your behalf. He was an adult. He should have been the adult in that situation. The teacher and the school let you down.
I’m sorry, there’s nothing funny about this story. It’s heartbreaking.
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Trust me, its funny.
We’re all sitting on a lump of iron thats plummeting through oblivion at thousands of miles per second and no-one knows why. We hurt ourselves over and over again because we’re trying to live within a reality that doesn’t make any sense…the only thing we have (and the only thing that heals any of us) is kicking our heels off, putting our feet in soil, and laughing our arses off.
The only thing funnier than this story is my other half begging me to recreate it for him 25years later…and one amazon purchase of an adult leotard later, i can tell you…my seduction technique has gotten no better.
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Now THAT is hilarious! It sounds like you and your other half have a great and fun relationship.
I don’t mean to come across harshly, just wanted to say 13-year-old you did nothing wrong, by child standards. That drama teacher should’ve been more graceful. Running away from a child’s performance (however cringy) is just… wrong imo. It doesn’t matter that he was gay or that you were ‘chubby’, you were a kid with an innocent crush.
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You’re very kind…
But…
I would also run if 13 year old me came pirouetting at me like a mad squirrel with an invisible rope, screeching “Golden Aaayyyyeee…I found yaarrr seecccrreettt”
I like to imagine, like me, decades later he also wakes up in the middle of the night screaming.
I am a legacy trauma.
Grin.
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Hahahahahahah I love this
Well, he was a drama teacher so he acted like a drama queen 
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I’m looking forward to more dialogue between Amy and Lucy! You two have great humor married with the ability to put pen to paper. Maybe we need a standing thread!
I really do have to engage in laughter to get through life on life’s terms. Appreciate you two.
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Aaaaw thanks Lee. Laughter and weird humour helps keep me sober too. Life’s weird, we gotta laugh 
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