I’d like to preface this whole rant by saying these thoughts are just thoughts so its not the biggest cause for concern. I’m a Christian and will probably not take the matter of of my death into my own hands as I believe Jesus has a plan for everyone, but also just dont see what purpose I have this on earth.
I only make progress for so long and then just relapse again. It’s not even like im fighting some crazy craving and give in, I just do it. As if its my nature or something. Of course I know its not some unbeatable thing and it is my own poor choices out of my own free will that have made my life worse and continue my addiction, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it. I don’t even find enjoyment in my vices anymore, and I still do it.
I can’t express how much I dislike myself for what I’ve let myself become. I threw my potential away for nothing. Everyday I get up and I add no good into the world, I just satisfy my addictions, go to sleep, and repeat. It is not like I will be missed.
Like I said, I don’t think I would permanently harm myself. But if God gave me the choice, I would rather not be alive. Its really hard to find motivation to get sober when I don’t have a strong will to live and see this sober life.
Has anyone felt similar and how did u get out of it?
Hi Alex Firstly, it’s good to see you here. I’m sorry to hear you feel this way, you sound very low. I feel a bit ill equipped to advise you, as I’ve just begun to work on my sobriety again. However, a couple of things you said sound familiar to me. I’m a Christian too, and you’re right, there is a plan for us. But when you’re deep in active addiction, it can make you feel utterly worthless. We can’t see the plan, drinking robs us of vision. I have hit very bad lows too, and have prayed so much for help. I have felt too weak and low at times, I didn’t see that God can’t do the work for me. It has to come from us, taking each day at a time, while praying and expressing gratitude for each day we stay sober.
I’m always busy, and can’t claim to lack purpose. But despite that, I rarely do anything that’s just for me. Is it the same for you? I know all too well what you mean about not knowing why you drink. It’s active addiction hiding behind ‘routine’.
Are you sober at the moment? Have you got a plan on how to stay sober? I have projects I have in mind for my home to keep me busy. Is there anything you can fill your drinking time void with? Its good to have a sober toolbox, with go-to steps you have at the ready in case you get a craving to drink.
Please stick around, I’d love to hear from you again, and how you’re getting on
Surely, you would be missed. Whether we realise it or not, we do good in the world. This share could’ve helped someone or will in the future. Something as little as smiling at a stranger makes a difference.
Addiction brings depression, start with a small step of staying clean for a day. Find a small thing you enjoy. The wind, the sun, the rain… anything. You are loved.
I’m here with you. I’m also suicidal and I have tried to take my own life couple of times. Right now I’m at the psychiatric hospital, been here over a month and they are starting today a ketamine treatment for me to ease the depression and suicidal thoughts and tendencies.
I believe in God, but not in any religion’s God. For me God is the creator, the living force, the universe and by trusting in Him, I have a purpose in this life: I’m alive and I try to do everyday my best just to stay alive. Death is not an option, because I have so much goals to achieve, getting back to uni and so on.
But sobriety is necessary to achieve my dreams and goals. If I’m drunk or high, I’m wasting my precious life. I don’t believe in heaven or hell or reincarnation, so I gotta try to enjoy of this life as much as I can. And I wanna live a long and healthy life (I’m 45).
Are you sober and do you have a plan to stay sober?
Welcome Alex. Glad you joined us. The first step is admitting we are powerless over our addictions. We must find the solution outside of our own way of thinking. It takes a willingness to go to any lengths. Once we make the decision to give up all control, and do what others suggest we do, it becomes simple. Stick around here…lots of powerful knowledge in this group. I read a post from @Soli a while back that stuck with me so i will repost it here…
You will find more help than you know what to do with, and a lot from people who feel or have felt the same as you do.
Back in 2003 I tried to take my own life twice, both times using vodka and pills, both times thankfully unsuccessful.
I got sober in April 2004 through the Fellowship of AA.
But, to echo the posts of others is to try and work a program of recovery.
Hand yourself wholeheartedly over to care and direction of your HP and do the next right thing.
Your HP won’t do the work for you, but it will help you carry your baggage making the work easier.
Stick around, your amongst friends and we’re here for you. &
Firstly, it’s good to see you here. I’m sorry to hear you feel this way, you sound very low. I feel a bit ill equipped to advise you, as I’ve just begun to work on my sobriety again. However, a couple of things you said sound familiar to me. I’m a Christian too, and you’re right, there is a plan for us. But when you’re deep in active addiction, it can make you feel utterly worthless. We can’t see the plan, drinking robs us of vision. I have hit very bad lows too, and have prayed so much for help. I have felt too weak and low at times, I didn’t see that God can’t do the work for me. It has to come from us, taking each day at a time, while praying and expressing gratitude for each day we stay sober.
&