Well I didn’t stay sober long at all and haven’t been on this for quite some time. The last time I reset the clock was 7 months ago but drank a week later and haven’t been on here since. My drinking has picked up quite a bit and I got blacked out the other night and put myself in a bad situation once again and I’m just so sick of this I am so close to having a mental break. I got sober for almost two years before and this time around seems so much harder but I need to stick to it. I found the love of my life who is so supportive and I graduated college and got my dream job and if I keep on this train I’m going to lose all of it and even more. I’m so anxious it’s eating me alive. I just want to die but I know this too shall pass. 
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I’m new to this but sad to hear that. You obviously know what us best for you as you have come back!
How did you relapse? What happened?
Hello there, well first of all, its a great start, to realize that there is a problem and the willing to change.
As you mention there are so many reasons to be a better person.
People you love
Dream job
College achievement
Financially
People who loves you.
And there are many reasons to start little by little, one day at a time if you make a list of things that put you in a bad situation while drunk and you keep it close to you it will help you, well it has helped me for example.
How your loved ones see you when your wasted.
Many ways you have hurt them
If you fall really sick as a consecuence, what would happen?
What if you lose your job and find yourself unemployee in this times and with a reputation of been fired due adicctions noone will want to hire you back.
And then a list of things to be greatful for like
Your loved ones
The opportunity to have finish college
The ony in a very few opportunity to have not only a good job but a job you love
Your financial status that can take you anywhere you want and you can take advantage of it.
Work out
Go hicking and find beautiful landscapes
Go outside, exolore new places, get tired, release all that bad energy climbing, hiking, running
Its really hard when one get dissapointed and just want to grab a beer or whatever, but thinking hard thinking and battling those thoughts with all you have to lose if you grab that beer, and all the opportunity and beautiful things that will stay with you if you dont, well that for sure will help a little.
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I definitely know what I need to do for sure and I am ready for a fresh start! This feeling is just unbearable when I relapsed 7 months ago I just had no self control in social situations at all and justified it because of that and it just snowballed the social part is what I have the hardest time with. But I was able to get over it once and I plan on doing it again!
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Thank you so much for the reply and words of wisdom. I need it right now so bad. I am trying to focus on all the good things I have and want to cherish and I also see first hand what happens to people when they don’t stop. I am an ICU nurse and I have watched so many 20-30 year olds die due to alcoholism. That’s another reason why I recognize it’s time to stop.
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Maybe ameeting might help be with like minded people wish you well
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Sorry to hear that Mel. Sounds like you might need to change some things to get off the relapse cycle. Have you looked into support through groups? There’s lots of mentorship and accountability available there. There’s a list of groups here: Resources for our recovery
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You came back in that is a start. So let’s just start with today. And get your head to pillow sober tonight. Alcohol doesn’t fix anything it makes us think to does but it is a lying demon that only destroys us. Fight the urge to pick up that first drink today. Use that bad situation you got yourself into as motivation not to pick up today.
It helped me to journal some of my drinking crap to have it look back on, and when I felt like drinking. I would go back and read it. It does help me now not pick up when I have urges to drink now. It makes me think about it and then I’m like nope. I don’t want to be there again. You can do it.
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Your plight is a familiar one my friend. Trying to do this on your own…or rather under your own willpower won’t work. By the sounds, you likely have the progressive disease of alcoholism.
I have personally found AA (going to reg. meetings, step work and getting a sponsor…basically working the program), has been a game changer.
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Hi @mrm0808
Congratulations on your dream job and graduating college and your relationship. Those are all things worth fighting for and being grateful for.
Begin with one day at a time. You had 2 years before so you know how to do it. Keep checking in here daily though, it kind of makes you more accountable as well as the support people on here provide. You will find a lot in common with people on here.
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I’m rather new at this but hopefully I can add to others comments and encourage you to move forward. Yesterday happened-now move on. You have done amazing stuff!
I am reading the Naked Mind and The Alcohol experiment. maybe check those out.
I just need to remember daily that alcohol is not my friend.
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Welcome back. Stay here and stay connected. This is the sober paradise!