Venting.....in the hope someone can give me some advice in how to try and let things go with my mother

Yeah James, she either doesnt get it or doesnt want to so she doesnt have to take any responsibility for her actions, its true that she has helped me in situations…kept a roof over my head etc and im grateful for that but she is my mother? I dont expect perfection but also throughout most of the times she has helped me shes also been utterly vile towards me at the same time so boy did i pay for that help, i imagine that while i was drinking i was a nightmare to deal with, i take responsibility for that and have apogised more than once…but to look down her nose at me and tell me that i disgust her i dont think was required, its the treatment of me as a person i cannot deal with but yes, she wont ever take responsibility, for anything.

I do hope your are doing well James and that your eyes are improving, thank you for taking the time to write a reply for me xx

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Honestly Kelly, I think that your mam and mine are literally 100% cut from the same cloth. I bet her whole list was material or financial help towards you, not a single example of emotional or nurturing worth. And that’s the thing. It’s transactional. We belong to them because in their emotional landscape we are extensions of everything they endured (possibly didn’t want, possibly didn’t understand, possibly compete with for resources be they status, praise, goodness, power, entitlement).

Absolutely zero makes sense, you are flogging a dead horse here, mate, sorry to be blunt. The last time I saw my mum we had a passive aggressive non argument which I walked upstairs from. She shouted that I was a vile cunt at the top of her voice (very hysterical when drunk, often threw herself on the floor and screamed). I was horrible, I made her feel stupid (not even owning her own ridiculous behaviour)… She didn’t stop exploding with worse and worse comments that just escalated so I locked myself in a bedroom and considered how I could disappear. The only solution I came up with was not a very nice one, and I’m thankful my partner and sister came to the rescue.

After all this she stomped up the stairs several times screaming that ‘we had fed ourselves, what about them?’ (eating crisps), ‘who was going to look after her when she was dying?’, ‘couldn’t we see she was sick?’. Kelly, it’s disgusting, this behaviours is vile and manipulative and cruel. It doesn’t have to be this extreme to see how cruel people can be when they take no responsibility for their actions or accountability for their behaviours .

I can still come up with a million excuses for my mom, even now, if I try. But I choose not to. I don’t want any inheritance money or property, I never wanted her help after a while, I don’t need anything she CAN give me, so I choose to stay clear to avoid what she DOES give me. I just couldn’t do it anymore, that banging my head against a brick wall.

It’s fucking heartbreaking to have two living parents yet no parents. Even my step parents both shafted me and chose to enable the abusive ways. It hurts and not a single day goes by that I don’t think about them up to a million times. But also, I matter. I’m more peaceful. I feel like you are giving her too much grace by keep replying and also she can twist and frustrate you this way. You are trapped in this guilt cycle she is perpetuating.

I would consider…

Offer her family resolution therapy as the sole method of mediation and communication for now. You are too easy for her to manipulate, but I bet she doesn’t have the balls to be put in front of impartial and objective scrutiny…

Find a way to disentangle all of your reliance from her completely (daughters lifts etc)
CONSIDER whether you feel the relationship is truly worth it.

Hugs :heart::heart:

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Thank you lovely :heart:
Im sorry for your pain :people_hugging:

I am done explaining myself with her now i really am, i was talking with a friend about it the other day that ive known for years and has seen me go through alot of it over the years… his advice was…
“Kelly…i think at some point your going to have to realise that your mam just isnt a nice person”
It hit home, she isnt…ive said many times that i love her because shes my mother but i dont like her…i dont like what she stands for, her superficiality, her coldness, her judgement of others, shes lots of things i dont like…she does me no good at all.

I did ask her to go to counselling but that as you said was an instant hard no. I dont want to begrudge my daughter having a ‘relationship’ with her but to be honest the only times Sofia sees her is twice a fortnight for a few hours, i will only communicate about that and that will be it, Sof is 9 now so it wont take long until i wont need my mother to collect her anymore.

Im gonna continue to show up for myself here because as you say i matter too, ive got the lovely little family unit i always dreamed of and im not going to allow her to drag me back down.

My love to you dear friend, thank you for being here for me, i hope you are well :heart:

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That’s my girl :heart::heart:
Life is beautiful, but also hard.
Keep leaning in 100% to those that love you hard. When people go low, you go fucking higher. Every. Damn. Time.

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Its been an eye opener since i got sober you know…sobriety forced me to take a good hard look at myself… my whole life ive accepted being treat poorly because i felt thats what was normal, that it was ok because i was ‘bad’ somehow, that i didnt deserve any better… its sad that i thought that way but ive also had good in my life, my grandparents showed me what love in a family looked like and how it felt, i spent alot of time there and im grateful for being their grandaughter and being able to experience how i wanted a family to be, where my mother is concerned i think i blamed everything on my emotionally abuse stepdad because it was more obvious but it was her too not just him, i remember always trying to get away from the home staying ay friends houses more than you really should only going home to go to bed really, i moved out at 18 with the first real but much older boyfriend i got, i thought i loved him at the time, i didnt it was just a ticket out of home, ive always felt this way about her the difference is now i know i dont deserve what she dishes out

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I just got a text from my mother…all it says is ‘sorry’ i dont know what to do from here, how to answer or anything…can you help me kind folks?

So, i asked what she was sorry about…these exact words..

“Sorry for what?”

Her reply was…

“How did i know youd say that, thats it”

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Well… you got an apology. Not a good one, but it’s more than most of us ever get. Maybe she’d reconsider sitting down and talking with an intermediary and you to try and fix things properly. An apology is a big step even if it’s not the whole step you’d like

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Well, a step in the right direction with a questionable follow up. i would leave it as it is, i guess you won’t get a qualified answer on your question, so take the general sorry and proceed with your boundaries.

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Thanks james, to follow

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Its not genuine though, not at all, an apology isnt an apology if its not genuine

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How to say you are not sorry by saying you are sorry.

Not good enough.

Up to you whether you wanna keep the peace and just plaster over all the cracks. That’s not an apology though. Urgh. :heart:

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I dont feel its genuine at all, not one bit, i will most definitely keep my boundries in place, hope dog training goes well today dear friend xx

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Thanks lovely.

Its horrible, i feel like just saying…“apparently you cant give a genuine apology” and then restating my boundries.

Ive not replied yet
:heart:

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Ive just said there is nothing id love more than a genuine apology so we can move past this but that wasnt it

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It’s the opposite what it fakes to be: an apology.
Sigh, this boring strategies of toxic people, always the same twisted blabla and dumb and obvious perpetrator victim reversal paired with gaslighting.
Hugs, keep your boundaries up and the communication nil :people_hugging:

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Shes gone all spiteful again now so i wont engage, wierdly she isnt like this with my older brother because she knows he wouldnt put up with it, she tells me shes not a gaslighter and that that is all in my head LOL!!! Boundries kept, she might have no respect for me but i do

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Rumpelstiltskin didn’t get what she wanted and stomps around the bonfire again :see_no_evil_monkey:
so predictible.
you do you and mute her :people_hugging:

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Ive archived her, im absolutely sick of her fucking shit now (pardon ones french) lol

How was dog training today? Are you both shattered now?xx

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done & dusted :see_no_evil_monkey:
2,5 h drive in horrible traffic, 2 h training. it was shower Bruno day, boy did he get corrected with the waterbottle :joy::joy::joy::joy:

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Ohh bless him hes sooooo gorgeous, my water bottle would remain utterly full if i was training him, that is why i am not a dog trainer :laughing:

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