Thank you for that. You’re right on all counts. There are so many alternatives, especially since younger people these days are trying out sobriety in greater numbers I think. Also, I have countless negatives I can look back on from drinking. I know that booze will cost me everything if I let it in and I won’t do that. It just helps to know that the way I’m feeling isn’t weird.
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Thank you for your perspective and clarity. There’s no doubt my life is better when I’m not drinking. My family deserves the best version of me and I want to be present in time and share life with them. The antagonistic voice does seem like it’s trying to exploit a crack in my resolve. I’m out of state right now on a family visit and separated from my home and my usual sense of purpose and I think that’s a lot of it. I try to re-focus and orient myself to tasks every day.
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Great post and answers this is my downfall in the past i go a month or so sober then the voices start “see u havent a problem” or “that shows we can drink in moderation surely an alcoholic couldnt last a month” also things are usually going well as sobriety brings a much better balance to my life but when i give in all hell brakes lose and i find myself 5 days later hungover depressed guilty and on the verge of giving up on life, so im 28 days sober today and am using this community to remind myself i do have a problem and that to go backwards is not an option.
I read a very good quote by denzel Washington “at your highest moment be careful as thats when the devil comes for you”.
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Congratulations on 40 days!
The sneaky voice. Always charming a drink. Yes, we are a brainwashed society concerning advertising alcohol. Big business with a neurotoxine.
When the voice wants to whisper in my ear I tell it: Of course you - we all - are missing out a lot being sober: you miss hangovers, bad health, depression, messed days, being fucked up for days, drunk fights, blackouts, embarrassing behaviour, whining pitty parties, hurting and disappointing loved ones … so many ugly things to miss out. And know what: Me, myself and I are not missing anything of it and we are not missing out shit. So take your slipslop and go back to the retirement home of all that doesn’t belong in my life anymore. Shoo, shoo!
I read that many people have a talk with their voice to tell it to be silent and fuck off. Some name the stinkin thinking to give it a better grip in dealing with it.
Whatever works for you, put your head on the pillow sober. ODAAT.
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Thank you for this contribution. That’s exactly the feeling I’m getting. And I know that path you’re describing of giving in — it’s horrible. It’s basically exactly where I came from. I know better than to go back there and my day 1 journal said “I’m never going back to that dark place.”
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Lots of good information in your addition. Thanks very much for that. When you list all those negative things, it’s very unambiguous. Those are also good tips — talking about the naming the voice, etc. Good stuff to chew on mentally.
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A cold dose of reality works wonders.
Thinking you are missing out on a lovely evening of drinking, vivacious conversation, being social.
Actually you’d be slurring, over-sharing, forgetting stuff, maybe getting aggressive or crying, upsetting people, having blackouts, drunk texting, falling over.
Thinking that you have ‘proved’ you are not an addict.
Actually, in the past, how often have you been able to moderate? The times you did, was it easy or torture? If you have struggled the last x number of years, chances are you will struggle again.
When I think about the first drink, I remind myself that resisting the first drink is actually the easiest. Once alcohol is in you, inhibition is reduced and it is even harder to say no to the second. And I want an easy life.
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I just saw that the name-your-voice thread was revivid and want to drop the link here
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I did feel like something was missing for a while… it wasn’t alcohol though. It seemed better when I was hydrated and ate well… aha waters helped quite a bit because i was craving carbonation
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I used to quit for 30 days at a time on occasion to prove to myself I “didn’t have a problem”…but I did.
My old life was built around my addictions so I did feel like I was missing out on life at times because the life I knew was “normal” to me but if I went back down that path I’d die long before my time like many others I loved have. At my end, I was blacking out and my body was shutting down yet I still didn’t think I was an alcoholic with my messed up thinking.
I did discover early on that there was not ONE single true good reason to take a drink. All I had were BS excuses and none of them were actually true. I wanted a drink to “feel better”? Nope, I feel like shit after drinking and I usually had more problems than the one I was trying to run away from instead of dealing with it. I wanted to celebrate…by drinking poision? I wanted to connect to my friends…oh the ones who stopped talking to me when I got sober because I no longer drank? Are those really the kind of people I want in my life? No. It was all just excuses.
I can’t moderate, I never wanted to have just one drink. I tried all the rules and eventually broke them all. I’m an alcoholic and I can not drink safely. If I try, this addiction will absolutely kill me just like it did my dad and my aunt. Alcohol is poision.
When I was sober for a few months and the booze glasses wore off, I could see much more clearly. In working with other alcoholics, I related to SO many of their stories that I realized I truly am an alcoholic too. What I used to think was normal, absolutely wasn’t.
The life I’ve built in my recovery today is one that even on my worst say sober, its a million times better than my best day drinking. I’ve had to become ok with letting that old life go, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Working my 12 step program helped me with that more than I ever dreamed was possible. I don’t want that old life back so I stay working my program of recovery to keep building on this new & incredible life. I miss nothing from that old life now, I don’t want back a single thing I used to have. That life wasn’t nearly as good as I thought it was.
Today, I look at my options: I sometimes look to someone who continues to use and ask myself-do I really want what they have? And then I look at someone who really works their recovery-do I want what they have? The answer is always that person in recovery. So, I do whatever it takes to end my day sober. I work my program. I let my life change. And one day at a time, I’ve ended up with a life beyond my wildest dreams that only gets better.
This makes me never fear missing out on what I had because what I have today is actually truly worth keeping. 
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Lovely post i can relate to so much i think its a cliché but its so true it takes accepting the fact u have a problem before u can fix it.for years i just thought (or convinced myself)it was my wifes opinion of me when i was drunk but recently family members and other friends told me how bad i was , i cringe now being sober at the thought of offending anyone or of them being fearful of me but its what i needed to accept i have an alcohol problem, 1 is never enough enough was passing out or worse and now i can see all that and vow not to have that first 1 
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When I think I deserve to celebrate by having a drink, I tell myself “I deserve a lot better than that” quite literally and remember how miserable it made me in the end. That fragilitiy of sobriety strengthens everyday, stay srong
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Thank you everyone for your stories and thoughts. I can also relate to every single thing I’m reading. I can’t drink safely, the first drink is the easiest to resist. I’ve thought about how booze is a disinhibitior and how the slope steepens as you drink. It’s easier to never tilt in the first place.
I’ve also felt that sobriety strengthens each day. When I wake up in the morning feeling a bit sluggish because I stayed up late playing video games or watching tv, I’m met with a fierce gratitude that I don’t have alcohol or its metabolic products in my body. I imagine how much worse I would feel and I’m grateful for my clarity and vitality. Thanks again, everyone.
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I’ve been there, used to think that since I could easily quit for 4 days that there’s no way I could possibly have a problem…
Lies!
As far as FOMO; last Thursday I went and saw The Cure in concert, one of my all time favorite bands. It was amazing! The gal next to me, had 6 beers while I was there and she smelled like a brewery when I fisrt got there (seriously, the odor of alcohol as its escaping your pores is the most foul and nauseating smell). She was toasted. She was loud, obnoxious, encroached on my personal bubble, at one point she was bawling her eyes out… she was a mess. Honestly, I doubt she’d even remember being there. But I do, I remember every detail. And Friday morning, woke up at 6:30am feeling great. That girl, probably missed work and was in bed until Saturday night. I know that’s what I would have done in the before times. So, what is there to miss out on really? Sobriety is all upside!
Now, I do realize in the begining, its lonely and sometimes boring, just remember not to do too much too soon, protect your sobriety with your life. Eventually, life will become normal again, just different; better.
Keep it up!
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So… for a long time, I thought that little voice in my head was out to kill me. That all it wanted was to put me in dangerous situations, while putting poisonous things into my body; then my idea was challenged by my therapist. She simply said to me, “What if that part of you isn’t trying to hurt you, but instead is trying to save you from experiencing pain that you have experienced in the past…” They often say in the rooms we come into recovery at the emotional age we started using and that seems about right if you look at the coping skills we have to deal with feelings. By looking at this part of myself through a different lens I have been able to hold it with compassion and really find why those feelings are coming up. My little voice likes to tell me that I shouldn’t eat. It has taken me a lot of peeling back layers and being honest with myself to come up with the simple fact my eating disorder is all about control. But now that I know that, when I hear those unhelpful whispers I can say, " I hear you, and I get it, you’re scared but we are safe today." It took some time to be able to trust myself because, I don’t know about you, but I have spent a lifetime self-abandoning. Once that trust had built though, it’s a pretty cool experience to be able to give myself every damn thing I need.
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That’s really amazing and that self-compassion is a whole new take on it. I feel like my voice is telling me I’m not being productive or that I’m hungry for something to happen. My previous life that was heavily intertwined with alcohol sends the message of habit that any such gap should be filled with drinking. I know that this isn’t the answer but there is something else I’m missing. I believe your contribution helps me to realize that. Thank you.
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Recovery is progressive, just like alcoholism. This is a great thread.
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Something I have learned with over a decade of trying to get sober, every time I told myself it wasn’t that bad and I could moderate, I ended up in the exact same spot wanting to be sober again, hating myself for drinking. Over and over and over. And the more I believed the ‘im missing out, I can moderate’ lie, the more I relapsed. I have the power of hindsight now, I know what’s going to happen when I believe the lie. And that makes it easier now, knowing the outcome. I can live a sober life, drinking makes me miss out on life.
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I know that outcome too. There’s a scene on The Matrix where Trinity is talking to Neo when he’s considering giving up and she says, “You’ve been down that road. You know exactly where it ends.” I think of it often.
The last time I drank, I had 8 weeks sober. I knew it would end horribly and it totally did. I’m finished with that cycle and I won’t make the mistake that I did that night again.
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That’s a great story and I appreciate you adding it. I encourage you to stay fortified when that 3-month (or any milestone) period tries to fade your memory or resolve. Drunk people are so unimpressive from sober eyes. And you’re right, it all seems so enchanting and interesting in the moment, but when the smoke clears, it was all a trick.
Honestly, I think loneliness is a big issue for me. I would love to have sober friends too but my responsibilities at home prevent me from getting out much. Ultimately, I know I’m on the right path and I’ll take any minor discomfort or inconvenience that might arise over the massive sabotage of alcohol any day.
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