So, I’m having this feeling that I’m pretty sure is a common experience. I’m about 40 days into my sobriety and sometimes I have a voice telling me that I don’t have a drinking problem and that I’m missing out.
I know these are lies and the peace that I’ve found is fragile and would be devastated if I step over that line.
The endurance to continue in sobriety isn’t based on a feeling because if it was, when it faded, I would be right back to square one.
Any thoughts on fear of missing out (FOMO), false impulses that your addiction has vanished, or similar issues?
Ah the good old romancing the drink issue. Yes I have had that in the past. I had some really long, bad relapses because of it. Sobriety can be lonely, that’s why sobriety groups are so important. Posting here or Journaling is helpful because you can go back and read your past if you ever forget what it was like. Keep fighting, fight like hell, it’s worth it.
Thanks, man. I do keep a journal in this app and I can look back at the red colored days on the calendar. My life was falling apart because my primary relationship was in distress and everything is built on that partnership. Sobriety has given us lots of happy days since then. I’ve gained so much confidence and stoicism and I’m grateful for the health boost and money saved, etc. I know booze held me back from achieving my full potential in my past and there’s no question this is the right path. It’s just this nuisance voice that tells me something’s missing and I’m trying to answer it with something that’s true and sincere.
Oh i had the questions pop into my head like am i REALLY an alcoholic after a few months sober because i didnt struggle with cravings like some others have. But i have ALOT in common with the people that share here and in AA. I took the thought as a crack that my addiction was trying to exploit.
Congrats Robert on your 40 days!!!
I did not think I was a alcoholic when I started this journey - I was quitting because I’ve had health issues and figured i would appease my parents and give my health a chance with one go. My mind would still try to tell me that I can most definitely drink moderately (so many around me do so why can’t i) I’ve been drinking since i was in the 5th grade and pretty heavily since 9th grade so if I could actually do so moderately why wouldn’t I have done so by now?
The longer I am sober the more clear headed I feel. Also - being here and reading the stories I feel like I can relate to so much of it. I was living a life in a fog for so damn long and why would I ever want to go back to that? I am now looking back at points of my life and no matter how far I go I am unable to realize any time I was not actively drinking. I am trying to now focus on all the negatives of what drinking brought me because this is what I hold onto when my addict mind tries to convince me to have one drink.
You can find so many alternatives these days (be it na drinks, or sodas, flavored water, mocktails). You can still have all the fun just now without the nasty after effects.
I think drinking is glamorized by advertising and restaurants. Don’t get me wrong, at my core I don’t believe there is anything I am missing about it. It’s just a nagging feeling.
Thank you for that. You’re right on all counts. There are so many alternatives, especially since younger people these days are trying out sobriety in greater numbers I think. Also, I have countless negatives I can look back on from drinking. I know that booze will cost me everything if I let it in and I won’t do that. It just helps to know that the way I’m feeling isn’t weird.
Thank you for your perspective and clarity. There’s no doubt my life is better when I’m not drinking. My family deserves the best version of me and I want to be present in time and share life with them. The antagonistic voice does seem like it’s trying to exploit a crack in my resolve. I’m out of state right now on a family visit and separated from my home and my usual sense of purpose and I think that’s a lot of it. I try to re-focus and orient myself to tasks every day.
Great post and answers this is my downfall in the past i go a month or so sober then the voices start “see u havent a problem” or “that shows we can drink in moderation surely an alcoholic couldnt last a month” also things are usually going well as sobriety brings a much better balance to my life but when i give in all hell brakes lose and i find myself 5 days later hungover depressed guilty and on the verge of giving up on life, so im 28 days sober today and am using this community to remind myself i do have a problem and that to go backwards is not an option.
I read a very good quote by denzel Washington “at your highest moment be careful as thats when the devil comes for you”.
Congratulations on 40 days!
The sneaky voice. Always charming a drink. Yes, we are a brainwashed society concerning advertising alcohol. Big business with a neurotoxine.
When the voice wants to whisper in my ear I tell it: Of course you - we all - are missing out a lot being sober: you miss hangovers, bad health, depression, messed days, being fucked up for days, drunk fights, blackouts, embarrassing behaviour, whining pitty parties, hurting and disappointing loved ones … so many ugly things to miss out. And know what: Me, myself and I are not missing anything of it and we are not missing out shit. So take your slipslop and go back to the retirement home of all that doesn’t belong in my life anymore. Shoo, shoo!
I read that many people have a talk with their voice to tell it to be silent and fuck off. Some name the stinkin thinking to give it a better grip in dealing with it.
Whatever works for you, put your head on the pillow sober. ODAAT.
Thank you for this contribution. That’s exactly the feeling I’m getting. And I know that path you’re describing of giving in — it’s horrible. It’s basically exactly where I came from. I know better than to go back there and my day 1 journal said “I’m never going back to that dark place.”
Lots of good information in your addition. Thanks very much for that. When you list all those negative things, it’s very unambiguous. Those are also good tips — talking about the naming the voice, etc. Good stuff to chew on mentally.
A cold dose of reality works wonders.
Thinking you are missing out on a lovely evening of drinking, vivacious conversation, being social.
Actually you’d be slurring, over-sharing, forgetting stuff, maybe getting aggressive or crying, upsetting people, having blackouts, drunk texting, falling over.
Thinking that you have ‘proved’ you are not an addict.
Actually, in the past, how often have you been able to moderate? The times you did, was it easy or torture? If you have struggled the last x number of years, chances are you will struggle again.
When I think about the first drink, I remind myself that resisting the first drink is actually the easiest. Once alcohol is in you, inhibition is reduced and it is even harder to say no to the second. And I want an easy life.
I did feel like something was missing for a while… it wasn’t alcohol though. It seemed better when I was hydrated and ate well… aha waters helped quite a bit because i was craving carbonation
I used to quit for 30 days at a time on occasion to prove to myself I “didn’t have a problem”…but I did.
My old life was built around my addictions so I did feel like I was missing out on life at times because the life I knew was “normal” to me but if I went back down that path I’d die long before my time like many others I loved have. At my end, I was blacking out and my body was shutting down yet I still didn’t think I was an alcoholic with my messed up thinking.
I did discover early on that there was not ONE single true good reason to take a drink. All I had were BS excuses and none of them were actually true. I wanted a drink to “feel better”? Nope, I feel like shit after drinking and I usually had more problems than the one I was trying to run away from instead of dealing with it. I wanted to celebrate…by drinking poision? I wanted to connect to my friends…oh the ones who stopped talking to me when I got sober because I no longer drank? Are those really the kind of people I want in my life? No. It was all just excuses.
I can’t moderate, I never wanted to have just one drink. I tried all the rules and eventually broke them all. I’m an alcoholic and I can not drink safely. If I try, this addiction will absolutely kill me just like it did my dad and my aunt. Alcohol is poision.
When I was sober for a few months and the booze glasses wore off, I could see much more clearly. In working with other alcoholics, I related to SO many of their stories that I realized I truly am an alcoholic too. What I used to think was normal, absolutely wasn’t.
The life I’ve built in my recovery today is one that even on my worst say sober, its a million times better than my best day drinking. I’ve had to become ok with letting that old life go, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Working my 12 step program helped me with that more than I ever dreamed was possible. I don’t want that old life back so I stay working my program of recovery to keep building on this new & incredible life. I miss nothing from that old life now, I don’t want back a single thing I used to have. That life wasn’t nearly as good as I thought it was.
Today, I look at my options: I sometimes look to someone who continues to use and ask myself-do I really want what they have? And then I look at someone who really works their recovery-do I want what they have? The answer is always that person in recovery. So, I do whatever it takes to end my day sober. I work my program. I let my life change. And one day at a time, I’ve ended up with a life beyond my wildest dreams that only gets better.
This makes me never fear missing out on what I had because what I have today is actually truly worth keeping.
Lovely post i can relate to so much i think its a cliché but its so true it takes accepting the fact u have a problem before u can fix it.for years i just thought (or convinced myself)it was my wifes opinion of me when i was drunk but recently family members and other friends told me how bad i was , i cringe now being sober at the thought of offending anyone or of them being fearful of me but its what i needed to accept i have an alcohol problem, 1 is never enough enough was passing out or worse and now i can see all that and vow not to have that first 1
When I think I deserve to celebrate by having a drink, I tell myself “I deserve a lot better than that” quite literally and remember how miserable it made me in the end. That fragilitiy of sobriety strengthens everyday, stay srong
Thank you everyone for your stories and thoughts. I can also relate to every single thing I’m reading. I can’t drink safely, the first drink is the easiest to resist. I’ve thought about how booze is a disinhibitior and how the slope steepens as you drink. It’s easier to never tilt in the first place.
I’ve also felt that sobriety strengthens each day. When I wake up in the morning feeling a bit sluggish because I stayed up late playing video games or watching tv, I’m met with a fierce gratitude that I don’t have alcohol or its metabolic products in my body. I imagine how much worse I would feel and I’m grateful for my clarity and vitality. Thanks again, everyone.
