Welcome @Mingo it’s nice meeting you! My name is Matt. It sounds like you and I are recovering from the same thing.
Yep, I’ve been there. I learned early on that I had to be selective with the movies and shows I watch. I take a look at previews, etc; if the previews make me nervous I take a pass.
The majority of my media consumption with my wife now is Star Trek, Star Wars, some action (Jack Ryan), and we love mystery shows (like Monk), all of which (to me anyway) are character- and story-driven, and not triggering.
Reflect about this a bit. It’s early days and you are the captain of your journey of course - I definitely am not negating what you’re saying! I’ve been there; we’ve all been there, in recovery from this - but ask yourself: what other factors might be at play here?
It can be triggering to see scenes which objectify human bodies (the scenes that play to fantasies, and fantasy, for us, is the name of the game), but the unfortunate reality today is that those scenes are so widespread that they’ll pop up now and again no matter how careful we are.
For me I found my pattern of not reaching out for support to other people in recovery, my pattern of trying to figure it out on my own (or being take-it-or-leave-it with the advice I received), my pattern of dysfunctional self-numbing and avoidance / escape in my fantasy world (as opposed to reaching out to others in recovery, and seeking accountability for myself, and doing work with appropriate other people [others in recovery, and medical doctors, and mental health professionals], and working on that one day at a time) -
Those patterns are more fundamental to me, they are closer to the heart of my problem (and my chance to change). My dysfunctional patterns (and more importantly, my neglect of changing those patterns) are what makes me relapse. It’s like clockwork: if I neglect that healthy work, even for one day, I’m playing with fire.
The change I need to do is the change I can control: my communication, my efforts to connect with others, my healthy new (recovery) actions. I can’t control media (and I never will be able to control the stuff that gets put in movies). I can control my choices about building a strong foundation in sober thinking and behaviour - and everything I’ve learned on that journey, every step I’ve taken (progress I’ve made), I’ve learned by reaching out to other people who are in recovery, and applying what I learn (even when it’s unfamiliar).
That’s a lot to digest and I hope it’s not too much; I don’t mean to take up too much space. Thanks!
There’s lots of good resources. Personally my recovery is rooted in the work I do with Sexaholics Anonymous (www.SA.org). SA is all about recovery from a lust addiction - lust, in SA, is like alcohol in AA - and lust can take the shape of just masturbation (if it’s a problem for you, like it is for me) and many other forms as well. The only requirement to join, is a desire to be sober from the obsession of lust.
I also attended several group sessions (over two years) with groups at a sex addiction recovery clinic in my city, which was helpful too.
Here on Talking Sober, if you search “masturbation”, “PMO”, “porn”, or similar terms you will find many threads of people working their way out of this addiction.
Keep searching, keep communicating, keep connecting. Do not give up. Addiction lives in those spaces where we live in our heads, alone; recovery lives in spaces where we make connections with people who can help us (and we can help them - a constructive connection helps both people). Connect, connect, connect!
