I don’t know if it is just that time of year or if my mind has recalibrated back to “normal” since I’ve been off alcohol for over a month or what, but I have gotten hit hard by the depression stick for no really great reason. I’ve got some personal life stress, but that’s about it. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, and I’m not even sure I’m in love with my husband anymore. I drank a lot in the past to “tolerate” him, and he made comments often about that. I don’t know. I feel like I’m having to really get to know myself right now and take a look at where I’m at in my life. Maybe that is what is getting me depressed… not being where I really wanted to be. Ugh… what are your healthy coping mechanisms now that you are turning down your DOC? I’ve been working out and eating healthier. I guess I just need to discover more about myself again and figure out what I really enjoy (other than my kids of course, but that goes without saying). I guess I’ve been hiding from myself for too long.
Have you considered Martial Arts?
I’m not the kind of guy, you want to see angry. I seldom loose my temper, because I am all about bearing and self-control. Being a veteran, I am sure you can relate.
The reasons I would suggest you give martial arts a try are obvious and not-so. There’s the fitness aspect. You will get in outstanding shape. There’s the release of stress: agression is expended in a safe and controlled environment. There’s the self-discipline and focus aspect: you must be dedicated and purposeful, and yet you also exercise self-restraint.
A big contributor to my successful sobriety has been my study of martial arts. I have a bad day, I go to class or hit my garage dojo. A short time later, I feel great, at peace, my Chi rebalanced.
If you ask me which one I would recommend, I’d say start with kick-boxing. Awesome, practical workout. I train American Kickboxing, Krav Maga, and have just added in a bit of no Gi BJJ. While I have no plans to compete, I train like an MMA fighter.
Hello Heidi 
I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written. I drank to suppress uncomfortable feelings about my marriage-among other reasons. I was depressed and the biggest thing my husband and i had in common was drinking. One of my friends pointed out that now that I’m sober, it must be hard to find a common ground since alcohol wasn’t an option anymore. That kinda opened my eyes to not be so hard on the distance I felt between us… Becoming sober is a huge change. My biggest suggestion, give things some time. Focus on your sobriety and healing yourself. Stability and consistency is what you need.
A big way I copped with all these feelings is by writing down my goals. Big and small. Resolve in your mind that you’re going to focus on one thing at a time, and that should be your sobriety right now. Everything is changing, you don’t need to come to any conclusions about your marriage right now.
Krav is an excellent system, because it is a mixed-martial art, 100% focused on self-defense.
Everyone has a fear of getting hit. Then they get hit, and realize that it’s not that bad. I’ve only taken a couple of shots that I would say hurt, and none of them were enough to make me quit. You wear pads and gloves when sparring. Most of the time, you are hitting pads and bags.
The big thing is, it takes the fear of getting hit away. Also, it teaches you how to not get hit. Both are useful, when someone is trying to hit you for keeps. Even more useful, you know how to hit back, should you be required to.
I’d say go for it, although an hour each way is a bit of a clip. If it is impractical, try Kickboxing, judo or jujitsu. Even Karate would work.
Thanks for that. I will check out the healthy mind app too.
Martial arts sounds like a very interesting idea. Something I always wanted to do when I was younger. Maybe I’ll give it a try too.
Thank you so much for that. Goal setting is definitely healing. I’ve got a lot of those tucked away that I need to bring back out.
I just looked up my questions I wrote down to help me stay focused with my train of thought, with sobriety and my marriage:
How will this affect me tomorrow?
Does this go towards my goal?
What are my goals?
How do I achieve my goals?
What is important to me?
How do I get peace of mind?
How do i have more quality time with my boys?
What is my life worth to me?
Does happiness go above everything else?
The last question, I struggle with putting my kids and my husband’s happiness over mine. I feel selfish and greedy thinking my happiness should be more important than there’s. So I kinda revaluate the relativity of happiness. It’s important, but it’s not everything. I deserve a BALANCE of things in my life. And if I change my thinking to “I deserve balance” in my life, I can accept that more, it doesn’t feel as self centered.
I would highly encourage it. I returned to it after many years away, ironically most of those were spent drinking.
My wife likes the changes she’s seeing, too. I’m down 40 lbs in 6 months, and stress just rolls off my back.
15 more pounds and I will weigh the same as I did when I left the Marines, 20 years ago this month.
So many good ideas here!
Therapy helped me as well.
It took some time for my brain to start working again so I agree you should not make any major life choices for a while.
Martial Arts is awesome. I teach/train every day. No matter what mood I’m in before I start I end up in a better one after.
You are headed down the correct path so keep it up!
I think that I can drink anytime I want to. I am free to do that. I can drink much as I want to. And then… so what? I choose not to because it is up to me.