Caring what other people were going to think about me not drinking was what held me back for a long time. I tried moderating for years because I didn’t trust that people would still like me once I stopped drinking. Eventually I realized that I care more about my own health and well-being than I do about what other people want me to do.
I mean, some people do sorta care that I don’t drink now, or at least don’t really get it. But on the whole most people are supportive and nobody cares enough to give me a really hard time about it, or drop me because I don’t drink any more.
And if they did, I am past the point where I would give a shit. It’s their loss. I am putting myself first. Nobody else is going to.
Moderation didn’t ever work for me. The other thing that didn’t work for me was a female friend I was very good friends. During our friendship the longest I went was 3 weeks with no alcohol. We drank together at least 3-4 times a week. She always told me I didn’t have a problem and was just being hard on myself. We ended up having a falling out and now I see her only at special occasions/holidays at mutual friends house. So yeah that also didn’t work.
Im recently out of detox and rehab. I have been sober for 9 days longest stretch in 10 years. Whats worming for me this time around is actually admitting to myself that I’m a alcoholic. That there was a huge problem with where my life was at. I have aleays isolated and never expressed my true feelings about things. So now even though its hard in these times I reach out to people and ask for help. Im no longer ashamed of my addiction but proud I can finally admit to it and taking positive steps to stay sober. Im always setting boundaries of what I can do and what I cant. I wish you the best of luck this ride isnt a easy one but I have seen people who really just love and enjoy life after there sobriety and Im really lookimg forward to that. Stay in the moment you got this!!!
What totally didn’t work for me was quiting drinking thinking I am giving up something I like. I was struggling to quit for good for long three years. It was exhausting and very hard.
What worked for me was to realise WHY I want to stop. What is alcohol causing me and what good alcohol gives me (nothing).
When I realised that alcohol gave me nothing good what I couldn’t get from sober life too - it opened my eyes and since then I am not drinking anymore and I have 0 taste to do so.
Very well said!! I hear you 100%. It took me ages to get that I had a fantasy of what drinking brought to my life…for ages it felt like I was giving up something positive. I am not sure what I thought was positive about fighting, making myself sick constantly, hangovers, suicidal thoughts, etc. But that is the sick mind for you.
Once I was able to recognize the reality of what alcohol brought to my life, I was able to move forward a bit more…it wasn’t necessarily any easier, but it did give me more clarity. It was a process for sure.
What didn’t work for me was thinking I could stay sober by myself,without a higher power to ask for help with my thinking,
Not sticking to yoga every morning
Stopping eating
I think there’s all sorts of other things I see led to me picking up alcohol again after 50 odd days sobriety.
But sobriety doesn’t work if you don’t work it,every single day.
Not eating; that’s my Achilles heel. I actually don’t like to eat, lol… I mean the actual cooking, sitting down to a meal. I drank beer when I was hungry so I am aware when I DO feel hungry I need to eat asap, lol. I have easy things that I can heat up quick, or trail mix, my go to food.
Yes!..I have found it an absolute chore to work out daily food that keeps me sustained…
I once downloaded my fitness Pal app which was a bad move,I realized I was eating half the calories I should be and just couldn’t get enough calories,got obsessed then deleted it,just eating when I’m hungry works for me.
•Staying the same
•Being afraid of change
•Playing the victim
•NEGATIVE CONFIRMATION BIAS.
•Putting anything ahead of sobriety
•ISOLATION - Connecting with others feels even more important these days. Isolation is such a big occurrence with addiction. Creating an addiction bubble around me stopped me from growing and kept me in my bad habits
•Denial/delusion/expectation
•Lack of accountability
•Lying to myself and others
•Self hate
Really great topic Mandi.
I’ve quit drinking thousands of times. I’ve never tried to get support. I don’t want to go to AA. I’m not knocking it at all. It’s wonderful. I think people serious about stopping their addiction should go to AA or NA. And I’ve actually been with other loved ones in my life and think you can get great support there. I’ve done plenty of
Al Anon and it help me tremendously.
I guess my advice would be: Don’t go it alone. Addiction is way to big for any one of us alone. Get support. Find God. I like to say God. Or find your higher power. Better yet let God find you.
@Mephistopheles I relate a lot to you on this one… as long as I look ok “from the outside” it’s ok to drink. It’s like doing stuff secretly : if no one know then who cares ? I just realized during the last couple of weeks that this thoughts is one of the one bringing me back to drinking. Fuck it.
@Jana1988 seriously, this is me. Like @SassyRocks said and told me to do in another thread yesterday , I’ve got to make myself a list. And I just came out of therapy and my therapist said that it’s hard to desire “not” something, like “not drinking”. Brains works better with a WHY and/or concrete objective (because not drinking is not a behaviour or something we can reward ourself , for example; but we can focus on the stuff we’re gaining from not drinking …)
Anyways… great thread even year after its creation lol
